


Red

by paopusky



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Dark, Child Abuse, Coma, Comatose, Death, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gay Roxas, Male Homosexuality, Mental Health Issues, Multi, POV Alternating, Pansexual Axel, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Sexual Abuse, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-07-27 02:18:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 53,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7599631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paopusky/pseuds/paopusky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You deserve to know. To have at least a piece of this stupid fucking puzzle that is us. She... physically, and mentally abused Roxas."</p><p>Life has never been perfect for Roxas. Ever since he could remember he was treated like a disgrace, a waste of space, a nobody. He couldn't even successfully commit suicide. Being stuck inside his own head in a coma is the worst situation he could be stuck in. Until he meets Axel, the confident, flamboyant stranger, that is. </p><p>'Red' might just help him to realise that life is worth living again if he allows himself to be free.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Life is Shit and Then You Die. Or Not.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted this chapter about year ago on FF.net as 'girlwithgauges'. Thought I'd post it, and the rest of this fic, here too, since the community seems to be more active and I'm gonna be writing more now as college is finished for the summer. Constructive criticism is appreciated! Enjoy~

_"Roxas!"_

The pained voice sounded slightly muffled, far away, like it was behind a panel of glass - or underwater, he couldn't tell. He felt like he was floating; he couldn't feel a thing, couldn't open his eyes, couldn't move a limb, nothing, but strangely.. he didn't care. A part of him felt like he _should_ care. He tried to speak, but he couldn't make the words come out of his throat, all he could do was lay there, still, completely confused. The boy _expected_ to hurt, but he could barely feel anything. It felt odd.

Is this what dying felt like?

He felt the sensation of being abruptly lifted upwards, a hand on his neck, frantically trying to find a pulse. Crying, lots of crying. Everything was cold, unbearably cold, but still no pain. He could hear people mumbling, then a pressure on his hand, somebody gripping it, like it was a life or death situation. He wanted to open his eyes and see what was going on, but they were frozen shut despite his struggling.

_"Please be okay, please..."_

The voice sounded so heartbroken. It pained and confused him as to why.

_"You can't leave me..."_

He blacked out, could feel himself slipping away, the person gripping his hand began to disappear, the voices fading into silence.

When he regained some sense, everything hurt. He was trapped in agony. Roxas could feel the pain everywhere, like a fire burning his insides, like a thousand bones being broken over and over again. His stomach felt like at any moment it would explode from the pain - he _shouldn't_ be alive from the amount of pills he'd taken, but that was the whole point. He wasn't meant to feel this pain. The last thing he should've known was lying in that dingy bathtub.

Roxas tried to speak, but tubes blocked his nose, his mouth... He could feel needles being prodded into his arms, liquid being forced into his veins.

Dying hurt.

* * *

You don't really think about the pain when you do it. Yes, the physical pain is short and sweet but... He wasn't thinking of the pain when he took those pills. All he was thinking was 'this will be over soon.' Pain to end the pain. Ironic, right?

Roxas wasn't thinking about anybody else but himself. Suicide is selfish. That's the painful truth. One which, when a suicidal person carries out their actions, doesn't think about. _He_ didn't think about. The reality is, life fucking sucks and you hurt people whatever you do. He didn't care when he took those pills. He didn't think of who would be hurt. He just wanted to end it.

How do you stop yourself from hurting without hurting other people?

You can't. There's no miracle cure to whatever a person is dealing with, and that's life.

* * *

_"I think it's safe to disconnect the tubes now. His lungs seem to be functioning on their own now; keep a close eye on him."  
"His signs are stable."_

_"I'm sorry to say that he's slipped into a coma, Ms. Strife. I don't know how long this will last. This was a serious attempt- he's lucky to be alive."_  
_"Is he?..."_  
_"I can't say for sure... I'll give you a few moments with him."_

_"I finally got Mom to admit she needed help. I know that doesn't excuse what she did, but... it's a step towards her trying to be better, right? I'm staying at Riku's most of the time now... For comfort, y'know? I told him everything; he's angry. I wish you'd wake up. You've always been the one that keeps me safe."_

_"R-Rox, the doctors said you might be able to hear me. I thought I'd give it a shot... God, how do I put this... Hayner... Hayner found out what happened to you. He went crazy. Mom's dead. I couldn't get away to visit you until now; I'm so sorry. I feel horrible that I'm kind of relieved that she can't hurt us anymore. How did this all spiral out of control like this... Cloud Strife, you know, our uncle? Well, him and his wife, Tifa, have taken guardianship of us. They're really nice. I hope you get to meet them... I miss you. I'm sorry I haven't been able to visit you in a while."_

_"I haven't seen Hayner in over a month. The police are searching for him...I hope he's okay. I know you two weren't really seeing eye to eye before your... attempt, but he loved you. Loves you. I just feel so bad for him, you know? He'll have to run for the rest of his life or go to jail. All because of our fucking Mom...  
I...I bought you some flowers, and hung up some things Namine drew. I'd rather you woke up to something nice than a dreary old hospital room."_

_"Hey, Roxas. I'm... Tifa. I know you probably don't remember me much, since your Mom moved so far away... I wish I would've known honestly. Maybe all of this would never have happened..."_  
_"Tifa..."_  
_"Cloud, look at him. He might never wake up. And it's all because nobody realized. Nobody helped. It took something like this for anybody to notice. And his own fucking boyfriend shot her before we could get any answers... We had to find out from the psychiatrist what really happened behind closed doors instead."_  
_"I know. I feel sorry for the kid too. My own sister... I still can't believe it."_

* * *

"So they say you can hear everything in there, right?"

Well, Roxas didn't recognize _that_ voice. It sounded husky and deep, with a sly undertone. He wanted more than anything to retort with a sarcastic comment, but he was confined to sit in silence. _Great._

He was starting to regain a little sense, at least; voices weren't swimming in and out of consciousness anymore, and he could form a coherent thought without it making his head hurt. It was starting to get boring with only himself for company. Sure, he had Sora visiting him, but he could only stay for so long.

Now here, in any perfect, movie-person's life, would be where they sprout bullshit like ' _I had a lot of time to think' 'whatever i'm going through isn't worth dying for' 'i'm great and happy and full of glee!1!1'_

Roxas wanted nothing more than to get out of the stupid coma to mellow by himself. He couldn't keep his mind from thoughts that weren't exactly happy; nothing to distract himself with apart from sleep, and there was only so much of that he could do.

"Not that you can reply to me or anything... I thought you might like some company, y'know? Since I'm such a charitable person and all."

He tried to picture the voice in his mind; a complete stranger was deciding to talk to some kid in a coma. Either he was _very_ bored or Roxas was being hit on by a old pedophile... with his luck, it would be the latter.

"Hey..." the male started, and paused, before continuing, "...Roxas. Bet you don't know why the sun sets red. You see, light is made up of lots of colors. And out of all those colors, red is the one that travels the farthest. Got it memorized?"

_'Like I asked... Know it all.'_

 

 

_"The name's Axel... Got it memorized?"_

* * *

Axel was surprisingly good company; Roxas could never ask why he kept coming to visit him, but he was glad he did. And Axel did visit him quite a lot. Although he really wondered why.. In this state, he was probably the most boring company somebody could get.

He wasn't much better awake, either.

It was a fresh pace from his brother and the odd visit from Tifa and Cloud. He was never awake when anybody else visited; Sora explained they were too grief stricken and probably couldn't handle visiting often. Riku would come along with Sora a lot of the time, probably to comfort him.

Even though the conversations were completely one sided, he found himself anxiously counting the ticks on the clock, waiting for Axel to come back with his insane theories and stories. Even if it was him reading the newspaper or spluttering a completely made up tall tale, he made everything seem interesting.

* * *

"They say you can tell a lot about a person by their hands..." Axel was currently running his finger over the palm of Roxas' hand, drawing patterns and tracing outlines. It was the most contact he'd had since he got into this coma, and he wanted to cling onto it. Let him know he didn't want Axel to go. "Though I have no clue how to tell." he chuckled, moving along to Roxas' inner arm.

"You have a lot of battle scars, kid... I hope one day I can help heal them all."

Roxas felt him moving his arm back onto the bed and he desperately didn't want him to go; Axel had only just taken his hand away yet he already missed and craved the contact.

"I made a bet with myself that you have beautiful eyes." He heard a deep sigh. "Wake up already so I can prove I'm right."

* * *

After a while, voices started to go hazy again. Roxas slept a lot more; a lot of the time when Axel and Sora visited him he'd drift away from their conversations. He was dreaming more vividly than ever before, which led him to begin to love it, despising the times he was awake. When Roxas dreamt, everything was vivid, full of color and life. He dreamt of Axel a lot. He was always a blur though, but his voice was certain. It heavily frustrated him that he couldn't put a face to the voice.

He dreamt of grass underneath his feet, cool air against his face, fresh water against his skin. Everything was bright, impossibly bright. Roxas was alone, but he relished in it. Nobody could harm him in his paradise. Nobody could touch him. He could be alone, to be completely and utterly tranquil. The blonde craved feeling the pleasant sun's rays against his face. He could drift in a endless sea of clear blue water with no worry of drowning; the water flowed over him, enveloping him, healing him, pulling together broken pieces like glue. Nothing bothered him in his dream world. He began to forget things, though he knew he'd be better off forgetting them. He was happy, memories or no memories. Completely content with his own company.

Sadly, his paradise never lasted long. He always woke up, the memories always there.

Roxas began losing his will to get out of the coma. Not that he wanted to be in it forever, he just didn't want to wake up again, being trapped was becoming exhausting. He felt like the world was moving around him, people living and breathing and loving and doing everything a person should, He was stuck, forever being forced to listen to the lives of everyone around him, progressing while he lay still, hating himself more and more. Axel was right, he had his _battle scars_ , but not all of them were visible and they'd probably never heal; he was stupid for thinking such a thing. It made Roxas angry. Axel thought he could fix him. Everyone wanted to fix him. Everyone apart from Mom. At least she saw he wasn't worth it; that's why she used him as her own personal punching bag.

* * *

Roxas didn't know how long he'd slept, but he woke up tired, everything feeling hazy, annoyed at the source that had woken him; the annoyance fell when he heard _who_ the noise was coming from, however. He could hear Sora softy sobbing somewhere in the room.

He barely heard Riku come into the room and mutter something before the smell of some greasy food hit his nostrils, and for the first time in a long time he _craved_ food. His stomach growled in response, causing the silver haired teen let out a low chuckle. He halted in the middle, probably noticing his brother.

"Sora? Are you okay?" Riku sounded concerned, obviously being the one that had just bought the food in. _Fucking Riku._

Sniffles. "The d-doctor.."

"What did he say?"

"...His levels are dropping. This brain activity is low. He's getting worse, Riku."

Silence. Roxas could hear the pain in Sora's voice. He sounded rough, like he hadn't slept in weeks.

"I don't know what to do."

* * *

Axel was tracing outlines on the other boy's hand and arm-it became a routine, something Roxas took great comfort in- and talking about random things, to which he listened intently; not like there was much more he could do, but he enjoyed it regardless.

"Once I really liked this guy and I had a dream-no, before you magically come out of your stupid coma and give me _that_ look- it was a perfectly innocent dream, alright... anyway, in this dream he liked me back, so the next day I went up to him behind the bike sheds in school and kissed him. But, it turned out he didn't like me... Although I cant see why not. I'm hot, charismatic and just overall amazing, great, sexy; what more could you wish for?! You could probably guess what happened next - and don't play dumb, we all know you have a couple of brain cells left in there - he freaked out and we haven't spoken since."

Roxas then smiled- he could feel his mouth twitching, some alien movement that he wasn't fully controlling, but nevertheless he _smiled_ \- and could sense that a wider one was mirrored in the body next to his.

* * *

The blonde opened his eyes and everything was dark. He couldn't see- his eyes felt like they had weights pulling them down. He had no idea where he was, feeling groggy and everything was hazy. He wanted to go back to sleep.

Roxas tried to sit up, but in doing so he'd done something to make loud noises go off... His head hurt. Seconds later a familiar face pretty much burst through the closed door on the other side of the room, only to stop in his tracks after noticing the figure was awake and sitting up. A doctor stopped in the doorway seconds after Sora, eyeing him with a weird look. He'd always hated doctors.

"R-Rox?" Sora just stared at him, not daring to move a muscle. Roxas attempted to reply but all that came out was a hoarse gasp, making him cough - which sounded more like he was choking and wheezing than anything else. His head felt so heavy... He couldn't piece together why he was here. The fog in his head wouldn't dissipate, making his head hurt even more as he tried to remember.

"Oh my god-you're awake. You're awake!"

Roxas just looked up at him with wide eyes instead of trying to reply, barely seeing him through the darkness. As if the doctor could read his mind, the room filled with light and he groaned at the intensity, laying his head back down on the pillow. Sora pulled up a chair and sat next to him and Roxas could see, now he was closer, how much of a wreck he looked; his hair was tied into a messy ponytail, spikes randomly poking out everywhere. Big circles hung under his eyes and the eyes themselves were red rimmed. His eyes were dull and looked broken-completely the opposite of how the blonde remembered them. It pained him.

"Roxas... You're in the hospital. You... You fell into a coma. You were bought into hospital after your a-attempt... _Eighteen_ months ago. You've been in a coma... for the past year and a half."


	2. Some Things are Better Left Unsaid

_"You're a good-for-nothing child. I never wanted children. Now, I'm left with a disgrace like you and your brother."_

_His mother took a long drag from her cigarette, the musky smoke surrounding her. She was wearing the same outfit he'd always seen her in; dark grey baggy trousers and a once-white jumper. Now it was dirty and yellowing. A cluster of bracelets chimed every time she moved her arm to take a puff of smoke. The cigarette dangled between her thin, bony fingers menacingly, as he sat on the floor watching her grimacing at the taste. She was glaring at him through glossy, cold eyes, and he flinched in retaliation, bringing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them._

_'Please don't hurt me...'_

_She was sitting on a battered old couch, parts of it black from cigarette burns. There were various other stains on it, but he never questioned them. Mother didn't like it when he spoke without being told to. A small photo album sat on her lap, open on a picture of Dad and Mum, hugging, before the twins were even thought of. When Dad was still around._

_Roxas buried his face into his arms, unable to look at her stony gaze any longer. He was used to all of the old, smelly things in the house. He did just sleep on a mattress, after all. Mother couldn't afford anything new; she always told him 'maybe for your next birthday.' She always blamed it on him, because he was born. Sometimes he wished he'd never been born. Then maybe Mother wouldn't be so mean._

_She never hurt Sora. Maybe it's because he looked like Dad and Roxas didn't._

_He didn't realize he was fidgeting until Mother came over and pried his hands apart. He looked up at her warily, as she was now towering over him, the photo album in a heap on the floor. Roxas shuddered, horrified at what she might do, only to be given a cold, hard slap on his cheek. Out of the sudden shock he cried in pain, only to earn him another slap, which stung his throbbing cheek further. He should've known better than to fidget, Mother hated it. Almost as much as she hated it when he made a sound while she's hurting him._

_He cautiously put a hand up to his cheek, a tear slipping out of his eye at the raw pain radiating from the slap. As he looked up, blue eyes were glaring at him, a twisted smirk plastered over her worn out face. Yellowing and disfigured teeth made him shudder violently. In pictures, Mother used to be so beautiful..._

_As she lent down, her limp blonde hair skimmed across to her protruding collarbones, and he shrunk back further as her face neared his. He started to panic as his back hit the stone wall._

_Did he do this to her?_

_Did he turn Mother repulsive?_

_"I hate you Roxas."_

_That was it. It was like a dam was suddenly opened from his eyes. The hot tears fell fast, stinging against his burning cheek. He started to stand up, attempting to run to his room, but it was futile. Mother was faster than him. She grabbed him by the elbow and slammed him to the wall, not even showing a hint of remorse as he cried out. Bending down to his level, she took one last, long drag of her cigarette before twisting it into his shoulder, right above his collarbone. Roxas howled in agony, but she didn't take the burning cigarette away. Mother just watched his eyes, his pain filled eyes, before hitting him hard in the head. He started to feel woozy. The pain in his arm wasn't subsiding, and he feared he might faint. Letting go of his arm, he staggered a little, before she pushed him to the ground forcefully. A sharp pain collided with his head a few seconds later, and everything started to weave in and out of focus._

_"You deserve everything I give you, pitiful little shit."_

* * *

He awoke in a cold sweat, panting heavily, memories of the dream weighing him down like bricks. He sat up abruptly, his surroundings slowly returning to him. Roxas _wasn't_ there... With _her._ It was just a goddamn nightmare. He ran a shaking hand through his damp hair, trying to steady his irregular breathing but failing, badly. Dreams like that were a normal occurrence; yet they still haunted him each time he had one, sometimes enough to send him into panic attacks. He shouldn't call them dreams, really. Nightmares, flashbacks, whatever you want to label it. All he knew was that he fucking _hated_ them.

Roxas had started getting them after he'd woken up from the coma a couple of weeks ago.

After he'd woken up, Sora had told him a brief explanation of what happened; leaving out Hayner. He obviously hadn't thought about the possibility of Roxas hearing him. He was too shocked at the fact he was awake, and that he'd been in hospital for so _long,_ to speak. That, and he just couldn't seem to find his voice.

It still didn't feel real to him. The fact that he'd been in a coma for a _year and a half._ He was nineteen now... It only felt like a month ago that Sora had told him that Tifa and Cloud had taken guardianship of them. Granted, that was a while, but... _over a year._ He'd missed out on so much. Roxas didn't think it would affect him as much as it did, but it did _really_ affect him.

Now, Sora had his own place. With _Riku._ They still hadn't admitted their dumb-ass feelings about each other though. Sora always was a oblivious child.

A gap in the curtains allowed some of the moon's rays to stream through, illuminating the room in a soft glow. _His_ room. Sora never gave up hope that he'd wake up, even after all the months he'd watch him never making any progress, declining into a state that even the doctors weren't hopeful. Even though he'd have to work two jobs to be able to pay for a three-bedroom apartment, he did it anyway, wanting Roxas to be able to settle in as best he could. Riku could only pay so much, after all. The blonde hated the fact Sora was going to so much trouble, worrying about him so much. He'd be perfectly fine sleeping on the sofa for however long he needed to, until he could pay to get his own place. He'd always dreamt of moving out, but she would probably have beaten the shit out of him for bringing up the idea.

The moonlight allowed him to see the bare room slightly, which was calming. Reassurance, he guessed, that although he could still feel the ghost of her touch, she wasn't there...

He reluctantly moved his shaking hand to his collar-bone, squeezing his eyes shut tightly when he could feel the slightly raised skin. Roxas could still feel the sting of the cigarette being forced into his skin roughly, the fierceness of her eyes as she held no regrets to what she did. She never did. Not even when she used to go too far.

She's gone now.

Good riddance.

Flinging his legs off the bed, he gasped at the sudden change of temperature, before savoring the cold air rushing to his sticky legs. _Damn, it's too hot in here. It's meant to be winter..._ He slowly walked over to the window, trying not to disturb his sleeping twin- _he_ _couldn't really care less about Riku_. Roxas knew that Sora wouldn't react so well to being woken up at god-knows-time in the morning. He wasn't feeling like being an total asshole.

He slowly peeled back the curtains, letting the moonlight fully illuminate the bare room. He quietly pulled on the latch next to the window, causing the fresh breeze to flow in, making him sigh contently. Grabbing a cigarette, he pulled himself up onto the windowsill, letting his legs dangle outside freely. Somebody kept leaving cigarette packets in the kitchen (probably Riku) and, hey, finders keepers. They helped calm him down after the nightmares, so he'd take whatever relief he could get.

The blonde lifted the cigarette up to his mouth, lighting it before taking a long, deep drag and exhaling it into the cold air. Closing his eyes he took another, relishing in the rush as the nicotine coursed through his veins, the musky scent travelling up his nose, vaguely sending him back to that disgusting house.

When he was still with _her._

Roxas couldn't remember Luna's boyfriend, as everything was a haze with him. Couldn't even picture a face. He'd left when he was about ten, causing her to go even more haywire. Though he could still remember the musky scent of vodka and weed. They both fucking reeked of it. Luna seemed to have stopped getting high after that; her supplier and 'income' had left, leaving her with no way of getting any.

Taking another drag, he shook his head, closing his eyes. No point in bringing that mess up.

He wondered if he should go and wake Sora up for some company, but the grumpy idiot never got up before sunrise, so the plan demolished before it even began. He didn't know what time it was, but the night sky was a clear indication that it was anything but.

Plus, Sora would probably pounce on him and make him _talk._ He groaned, taking a last puff of the cigarette before flicking it out of the window. Roxas had barely talked to anybody since he woke up. A week of rehabilitation in a separate part of the hospital gave him control over my limbs again- and although they still felt sore - they'd deemed him safe enough to go home. Except home wasn't home anymore. He kinda missed the place. That was the only home he'd ever known.

He had to visit Aerith tomorrow, his and Sora's psychiatrist. Sora started seeing her a while after Roxas' attempt, so she knew about the whole situation- including Hayner.

Fucking idiot. He missed him.

* * *

"How have you been, Roxas?"

Roxas shrugged, diverting his eyes from Aerith's gaze. He was currently sitting on a small, cosy armchair which sat directly opposite the brunette woman.

"Nothing new to report. No mental breakdowns and no suicide attempts, despite everyone thinking I will. I'm handling myself pretty well, in my opinion." He drawled.

"Considering the severity of your attempt, they wanted to admit you to a psychiatric ward as soon as you were safe to leave hospital. However, from what I've heard of you and how well I've come to know your brother; I talked some sense into the doctors. You'd both suffer from you being sent away, and places like that can often make a patient go down a slippery slope. Although," she crossed her legs, giving him a stern look, "it isn't off the table. I need to know you're not going to attempt again, Roxas. If I have any cause for worry about your safety, I need to do what is best for you."

"...I won't do it. There are a few thing's I'd like to do before I do die." That wasn't a lie. He didn't know _what_ exactly he wanted to do, but he didn't have the uncontrollable urge to off himself anymore. Maybe it's because _she's_ not here to stop him from _living_ without having the fear of being beaten.

"And what would these things be? If you explain them to me then I can possibly help make them happen.." Her tone was kind and egging him to speak, to _spill all of his hopes, wishes and dreams-_ He snorted.

"How could you help make them happen? You're a psychiatrist, not a genie."

"Because, that's my job." She studied him intently. "Why wouldn't I be able to help?"

" _Because_ , you can't just magically fix me. Nobody can fix me."

"I won't be able to fix you but I can certainly help and so can others! Sora can help you too- you certainly help him. You just have to _let_ people help you."

"What if I don't want to let people help me? Who says I want to get better? Who says I'm worth it?"

"But you need to. Or you may end up as you were not that long ago. Sora may think that because it's been so long, you're over it, but to you it's still fresh in your mind. You _are_ worth it, Roxas, you most definitely are. You just need to convince yourself that you are."

Roxas knew she was right, but she wouldn't catch him admitting it in a million years.

"How did you feel when you found out your mother died?"

He stiffened; that was the last thing he'd expected her to come out with. The blonde shifted slightly in his chair, not too sure of how to word things.

"I don't talk about my feelings. Who gives a fuck if they bottle up inside me. I'd just rather keep quiet and not have to deal with them."

It seemed clear to Aerith that the session wasn't going to continue much further, but she seemed adamant to push him a little. He stayed silent, however. He was stubborn, and he knew it.

Aerith sighed lightly. "Bottling things is never good for you. It always leads to something bad happening; I'm guessing that's what happened less than two years ago, no?" He didn't answer, focusing on a spot on the floor, his gaze hard.

"I'm guessing that's all for today then."

She stood up, organized some of her papers and nodded at him. Just as she was about to walk out of the room, Roxas admitted his defeat and mumbled a reply. He had to try, for Sora at least.

"I..." Aerith _was_ nice. Roxas felt like he could talk to her, but part of him ignored that, didn't want her help and knew he'd be perfectly fine on his own. The woman turned around and smiled ever so slightly; probably glad she could get through to him, if only a little. She sat back down, putting her papers aside and gave him her full attention. He swallowed.

"I heard Sora, while I was in the coma. I don't know if he knows, but the subject of it hasn't come up. I don't know what I felt. Relief, maybe. That she couldn't hurt Sora while I wasn't able to protect him."

"I guess that's to be expected. Do you have any flashbacks of her?"

After a slight pause, he nodded.

"How do they make you feel?"

Roxas scoffed, staying silent. It was obvious how that made him feel. He _hated_ her. Nothing could probably change that.

"Roxas."

He shook his head, closing his eyes tightly.

"If you won't tell me, describe what happens in a flashback? We could always start with your most recent one?" Her voice echoed through the silent room, and he shivered, opening his eyes only to be met by a kind and sincere gaze.

"... I don't know- I... I was sitting down. In the living room. She was smoking; like she does in nearly all of them. I-I think she was looking at a photo album. I saw... Luna. And Leon." Aerith nodded. He was sure she knew the basic details, like names, from his brother. He had a feeling that Sora was more open about everything than he was. "It was... when she made this," Roxas sat up and pulled down his t-shirt slightly, revealing the scarred flesh. "And then she started kicking and punching me, until I think I passed out. She... said things too."

"Things you would prefer not to talk about?"

Roxas nodded, thankful for her understanding. She held no disgust or repulsion in her gaze- though her eyes seemed sad. He didn't want her _pity._

He didn't know what made him let down his barriers slightly for the woman; he'd barely tell Sora anything of what he felt, rather just putting a brave front on, never mind somebody he didn't know, a _psychiatrist_.

"Roxas," She said, before stopping, apparently trying to find the right words to say, "could you describe to me how you felt while you were in the flashback? Your emotions being that little child again?"

Roxas looked away, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

"We do not have to discuss this if you don't feel up to it."

"...I-I want to."

She nodded at his response, relaxing in her chair and crossing her legs, waiting for him to proceed.

"I felt terrified, really. Of what she was going to do. The pain of that cigarette... I was so... _young._ " He screwed up his eyes, feeling unwelcome tears start to pool in them. "She was..." Standing up abruptly, he slammed his fist against the wall, gritting his teeth together tightly. _Ow.._ Roxas rested his head against the wall, feeling the rate of his breathing start to escalate. "Why does she still haunt me?" He stepped closer to her, tears flowing freely out of his eyes, the first time he'd cried since he'd woken up. Her eyes widened a little, probably from the shock of his outburst, but she made no move to stop him. "She's _dead_. And.. I _still_ can't escape."

* * *

Roxas sat, cross-legged, on the top of his rather comfortable, spacious bed, which was yet another expensive thing he didn't want- considering the beds that they used to own were barely more than rotten mattresses covered by sheets and a duvet, Sora had obviously gotten new ones.

He stared at the amber flame of his lighter which he held tightly in his hand, watching the flames dissipate into the air. It flickered softly in the dim light of the room, heat radiating off onto his hand.

He didn't know why he found it so compelling to watch.

His mind felt blank. Empty. He felt so _disconnected;_ and he couldn't figure out why.

A shuffling could be heard outside his room and a deep sigh - since he was hypothetically blind for so long, Roxas' senses seemed slightly heightened - before a faint, but coherent, knock on the wooden door.

"H-Hey, Roxas... Can I come in?" Sora sounded nervous; he felt bad, but he'd been distancing himself from him for a reason. Guilt, mostly.

"Sure, Sora."

He hastily came in and closed the door behind him, standing at the doorway awkwardly. Roxas chuckled, motioning him to sit down next to him. He obliged.

"... Are you okay?" The brunette said after a _very_ long pause; Roxas looked up at his face, into his worried, big blue eyes.

"I'm fine."

"I-It won't happen again, right? Promise me it won't!" Sora suddenly frantically spoke, causing Roxas to flinch, his hands slightly shaking. "You should have told me before you did anything... I-I could've helped you!"

His breath caught in his throat as he was at a loss for words. Roxas looked down and closed his eyes, unable to look at his brother's sad gaze. "It won't happen again. That's one thing I can promise. You.." He chuckled, opening his eyes, "You need me, right?" The brunette nodded eagerly in response.

"Then I'm not going anywhere."

Sora cracked a slightly happy smile-the happiest he'd seen in a long while- before his phone chimed and he groaned. Roxas cocked an eyebrow upwards at his reaction.

"Work, probably. Hey, you should come with me tomorrow! If they like you enough, they might offer you a job... O-Only if you'd want to, obviously. The owner's really nice, if not a little strict... H-"

"Sora? Work?"

"Oh! Was I doing it again?"

He nodded, chuckling. Sora had a tendency to spill word diarrhea as often as you'd let him. Before he'd continue to do so, he hastily left for work, leaving Roxas alone in the flat with Riku - god knows where he was.

Maybe a job would be good; he needed something to keep him busy. If he wasn't having flashbacks or thinking of Luna, he was thinking of Hayner, or something else that would ultimately end down a bad path.

He.. He needed something to help him forget, at least for a while.


	3. Who Knew Firetrucks Could Be So Attractive

_"ROXASSS!"_

_No sooner than Roxas had walked into the cafeteria at lunch was he nearly tackled to the floor by an excitable Sora, a blur of brown spikes and a brilliant grin lost in squeals of joy. Turning his head slightly h_ _e could see that the majority of the group was sitting down at the rickety old wooden table, facing him with mixed expressions. Just as most of the students in the room were, too. Great._

_The 'group' consisted of Sora, Kairi, Namine, Hayner, Pence, Olette and Riku... His best friends. Well, apart from the silver haired teen. He had to put up with him, for Sora's sake._

_"Sora, I saw you this morning." Roxas chuckled as the brunette moved back his seat, as excitable and bubbly as ever. He sat between his brother and Namine, the latter drawing in her dainty sketchbook as always._

_"So," Kairi started, "I heard that we're getting an addition to the school."_

_"Someone's having a baby?!" Sora almost shouted, to which Riku sighed heavily. "No, Sora. They're doing that programme. For the orphans. Remember?"_

_"Wait, how did you get baby from that..." Pence sat there confused, his head cocked slightly to the side, to which everyone ignored him._

_"Oh. Who is it?"_

_Typical Sora. Always being intrusive._

_"I.. I don't actually... Two guys. That's all I know. Oh, and they're our age." Kairi scratched the back of her neck awkwardly._

_"They're probably some egomaniac bastards." Hayner grunted, crossing his arms. "Bad idea, if you ask me." He glanced at Roxas as he spoke, studying a rather deep gash on his cheek, eyes narrowing at the sight._

_"Nobody was asking you!" Sora frowned, resting his head on his palms and gazing into space dreamily. "I bet they're cute..."_

_Roxas raised an eyebrow at his brother; only to see a faint blush settle on Riku's cheeks._

_"The ever dreamy Sora..." Kairi laughed, putting her arm around the brunette. "What would we do without you?"_

* * *

He did miss Hayner. They were an on-and-off couple for about a year; about a week before he'd overdosed and slit his wrists in a tub because Luna gave him a hell of a beating, he'd called it quits. All they did was fuck, and Roxas had shamelessly cheated on him, which he knew about. There was no relationship, not on his side anyway. He'd grown tired of fight after fight, tired of emotionally investing himself in somebody he didn't love.

He knew about her and the abuse and promised to keep quiet; when he found out Roxas overdosed and had fallen into a coma, he flipped, apparently. He'll probably never know what happened that night, but Sora was upstairs when Hayner entered. He found her shot point blank. That's all Riku told him in the brief time they'd talked - at least the silver haired male never sugarcoated anything.

There seemed to be a struggle; all anybody knows is that Hayner shot her, and disappeared. His fingerprints were everywhere; he didn't bother to cover his tracks.

Almost two years with no sighting was worrying yet there was nothing Roxas could do. He didn't even leave a note, nothing for him to wake up to. Not that he expected anything else, really.

* * *

Downing another addictive shot of vodka, the blonde shivered as the alcohol coursed through his veins, taking effect in the form that his mind was beginning to get hazy, his thoughts starting to fade. He smirked when he felt a familiar pair of hands snake around his waist and a husky voice whisper in his ear. He knew he'd be here tonight. Two years didn't change that, at least.

"I missed you, Roxas."

* * *

Simply put, when he was fifteen, Roxas met a guy at a bar who went by the alias of Xemnas. Nobody knew his real name, supposedly, but he didn't care. Just as long as he could forget everything for a while. He was older, more experienced. They met at least once a week. Before he'd ended up in a coma, anyway.

Xemnas was a tall, very tall, muscular man, who seemed to be more than willing to do _anything_ that Roxas wanted him to. That was the main thing he liked about having a no-strings-attached _fuck_. No unnecessary, fucking- _hour_ -long kissing, or foreplay. He had complete _control._ It gave him stability, and habits are hard to kick, even when he'd been in a coma for two years.

As soon as he stepped into the familiar pale, bare room, without any hesitation, rough lips were forced upon his, and Roxas smiled into the kiss, pushing his tongue through the other's mouth for dominance. The year and a half he'd been in a coma had been good to him; he'd grown significantly taller, gaining a better dominance over Xemnas than he had before.

Forcefully guiding the larger man backwards, Xemnas groaned in retaliation as his back hit a wall, their bodies getting closer by the second, friction making him go wild against the blonde. He could already _feel_ the other hardening from the basic actions that he was giving him. Putting his hands either side of the silver haired man's head, he began to nip down the side of his neck, grabbing the eager man that was clearly aroused by his thin top and throwing him to the bed, a gleam in Roxas' eyes. Without breaking eye contact, he pulled his top over his head, smirking when he saw Xemnas almost stop breathing. Although he did notice a distinct look of sadness from him at the scars that extended over his pale body, ones that Xemnas had seen countless times before, the more powerful look of lust made that doubt and shame fade away. It made him feel a sense of pride and power, instead, the fact that he could do that. _This_ is what he needed. Nothing else mattered.

Xemnas was already panting on the bed, his eyes clouded over with lust. Not visiting him was affecting him more than he thought it would do, because the man Roxas was now currently straddling was painfully hard underneath him. And right now, he looked as if he'd been deprived of sex his whole life, almost too eager.

Leaning down _ever so slowly,_ the blonde purred seductively, biting his lip.

"You ready to get fucked senseless?"

On cue, the silver haired man shivered and moaned, and Roxas began unbuttoning his trousers, feeling himself getting hard too. His mind was on nothing else but this. The feeling was addictive.

Crashing his lips onto Xemnas' again, he took off the man's trousers and threw them across the room, wasting no time in taking off his boxers too and grabbing hold of his member, smirking at the gasps that began to arise from Xemnas' panting mouth. The both of them were fully undressed now, and the feeling of bare skin on bare skin felt more pleasurable than he could describe.

Being careful not to be _too_ rough, he positioned himself and began to slowly push into Xemnas, letting out a gasp of his own as he felt the silver haired man contract around him, but didn't stop. Slowly, as to take everything in, Roxas began to thrust, closing his eyes in ecstasy as he began to feel the need for more. Using the headboard as a support, he started to thrust harder, causing Xemnas to cry out in pleasure, or pain, he couldn't tell; but he didn't care. He needed to carry on. To lose himself. To not feel anything anymore.

It was working.

He moaned loudly as everything crashed around him, leaving him dizzy and breathless. This must have had an effect on the other man, too, as he followed with a similar cry, and as Roxas opened his eyes, he could see Xemnas watching him with a mix of adoration and bliss, to which he quickly looked away.

Pulling out of him, he flopped down on the battered old bed, closing his eyes as he came down from his ecstatic high. When the blonde's erratic breathing had calmed, he looked over at the silver haired man, who was watching him expectantly, eyes shining. Roxas _knew_ what he wanted. And he was sure that Xemnas would be _more_ than willing to give it to him.

"Round two?"

* * *

He picked up his shirt from the floor, looking back at the worn out man lying on the tattered bed, fast asleep. He looked so vulnerable when he was sleeping, mouth slightly open. Such a strong, defensive man. Which Roxas reduced to a defense _less_ one when they were together. _Weak._

_'I love you.'_

Love.

People never fucked for _love._

Love was pointless. Xemnas didn't love him, no matter how many times he let it slip that he did. Just a crush. If their little situation ever fully ended, Xemnas would easily get over it. Not like he didn't have any other guys to fuck. Roxas knew of his infatuation, that much was clear. It's not like he was hurting anybody by having a little bit of fun; and that's all Xemnas would ever be.

Fully clothed, he slipped out the door, not bothering to leave a note or to say goodbye. He never did.

He silently cursed himself when he stepped out into the cold air, realizing that it was night already. He _never_ took this long before. Some obvious pent up frustration was held too long, in his opinion. The buzz from the alcohol was long gone, leaving him feeling empty, craving something to distract himself.

Sora was not going to be happy.

Especially since he looked like a wreck. Sex hair- well, it didn't really suit him. He pulled the hood of his jacket up, savoring the slight relief from the chill.

He began to walk, crossing a few streets into a more well-lit area, before dialing his brother's number on a new phone he'd given him. As he was waiting for his brother to pick up, he pulled out a cigarette and lit it up. He barely knew how to work the thing.

" _Roxas, where the hell are you?"_ He was pissed. The loud shouting through the phone demonstrated that clearly. " _I've been so worried!"_

"I went to see a friend. Sorry."

" _Whatever. I need to get back to work; you can still come, but you'll have to make your own way here."_

"Yeah yeah, sure. Whereabouts is the bar?"

" _It's in west Twilight Town. Called the Ok-"_

"Okami?"

" _Yes..."_

 _"_ I'm here?" Roxas chuckled awkwardly, looking at the faintly glowing white sign directly in front of him. Taking a drag of the cigarette he'd forgotten about between his fingers, he attempted to look though the windows at a distance but they were all completely blacked out. A long sigh came from his phone and Sora must have put the phone down since he was met with the dial tone.

_Well, that was a lucky coincidence..._

Honestly, the bar looked sleek and modern, nothing like the 'Pink Flamingo' only a few blocks down where he'd meet with Xemnas. Then again, the Pink Flamingo was a raunchy gay bar, which was flamboyant in the fact.

It looked rather fancy, and he was surprised for a second that Sora had landed a job here; until he remembered that Riku tended to have wide connections. even though they were teenagers in school. Or did, anyway.

Roxas threw the half-smoked cigarette into the damp gutter and opened the blacked out door, his suspicions that it was a 'high end' bar were confirmed as he stepped into a chilled out lounge with black leather sofas, chairs and a white bar. Transparent glass steps led upstairs into a space he couldn't really see, but he suspected it was more of a dance-floor area upstairs since the room he was currently standing in seemed a little cramped. Two doors were situated in the bare corner of the room, one of them being the entryway to the toilets and the other guarded by a keypad.

"It's... Posh?" Roxas raised his eyebrow at his brother who was currently mixing drinks for a couple standing at the bar. "You could've mentioned that, y'know. I expected you to work at more of a clubbish enviroment..." The music definitely fit the vibe of a club, however.

Sora chuckled, handing the expensive-looking drinks to the couple who paid then went upstairs. "Can't I work anywhere posh-with good pay, might I add? You underestimate my bar-tending skills, Roxxy."

He put his hands up in a mock-surrender. "Why don't you show me some of those amazing bar-tending skills then? I'll have you know I'm an amazing critic.." Sora rolled his eyes and turned around to make a seemingly colorful drink, only for both of them to freeze as a loud voice screeched from the entrance. A blur of dirty-blonde canon-balled towards him, almost making him fall to the floor as he was enveloped into a tight hug. Roxas stilled, slightly taken aback and - not like he'd ever admit it, but _scared -_ at the sudden assault. It wasn't a surprise that he didn't like being touched. When he glanced at the brunette he saw him giving him a concerned look; the blonde swallowed and gave him the best smile he could muster.

"Don't worry, that's just Demyx. He's quite.. _excitable."_ Sora hummed, sliding a drink over to his brother.

"No shit... Could you, y'know, stop suffocating me?" He gritted his teeth, the rather tall man releasing him instantly. He skipped over to behind the bar, standing opposite to where Roxas was. Now he wasn't practically squashing him, he could get a better look at Demyx. He had quite attractive features, with strong, high cheekbones and a sharp jawline. His dirty blonde hair was styled into a mulled with shaved sides, albeit at the back where it ended on the bridge of his collarbones. Small stands fell in his face, lengthening from his eyebrow all the way down to his chin.

"You're so cute! _So_ much cuter than Sora described, mind you. I just wanna hug you-"

"-Please don't." Roxas rebutted, sighing, while Demyx pouted. He motioned to the drink. "What's this, anyway?"

"Black Death." Sora grinned. "I will warn you, it's strong. It's one of the new drinks that Reno introduced."

"Reno?"

"The owner of this place. Reno Sinclair. He said he'd drop by, but I have no idea when." He shrugged, leaning his elbows against the counter.

"I just hope he doesn't bring his brother." Demyx pinched the bridge of his nose. "God, I know he's basically my best friend but that guy can be an ass sometimes."

"He's like a goddamn homicidal pyro firetruck." Sora frowned. Roxas managed to splutter out a reply when he'd finished laughing at the mental image. "A pyro _firetruck?"_

 _"_ He's got these," Sora did wide motions over his head, " _massive_ red spikes. So does Reno, but his are less wild. You can't miss him."

"I'm not sure if Reno would bring him anyway. Last time he was here he almost set fire to the bar." Demyx sighed, rolling his eyes. "Hence the 'pyro.' He always used to set things on fire when we were kids."

"Holy crap." Whoever this guy was, he certainly seemed pretty... _wild_. Looking down at the drink that was given to him, he took a sip, feeling the warmth run through his veins. It was sweet, part of it probably coming from the neon blue of the drink, but Sora was right- it was _strong._ His face probably proved that since Demyx burst out laughing, almost dropping a bottle of vodka he was attaching to the pump. Roxas couldn't distinguish what was in the drink, since the flavors of everything that was mixed all mashed into one, sweet but slightly fruity, flavour- he strangely liked it.

The older teen seemed nice, if not a little _too_ hyper. He'd been working in the bar a couple years before Sora joined, but he felt a little guilty when the brunette admitted he'd only gotten the job because he was desperate to pay for Roxas' medical bills. Sora quit his second job after he woke up, thankfully, taking on a few more hours at the Okami so he could still afford everything, yet spend more time with his brother. It still bugged him, the fact the brunette insisted to pay for everything.

"Sora talks a lot about you, y'know." Demyx muttered, wiping the counter with a cloth. Sora had gone to clean the area upstairs, and the place was rather quiet, considering it was only midnight. They had a fair amount of customers that still stumbled down the stairs in a drunken haze, however. He swirled his straw around in the glass, the iced beverage had long melted and the buzz of the alcohol had left, making him feel drowsy.

"I.." He took a deep sigh, seemingly choosing his words carefully. "I haven't seen the kid this happy since you woke up. You're all he's got now, and if I have to be honest I think you're the thing that's been keeping him going this long." The blonde had a serious tone to his voice, his eyes focused on Roxas. He bit his lip, not being able to meet Demyx's hard gaze.

"I'm not going to do something that stupid again, trust me." His voice cracked and he shut his eyes. "I heard him talking to me while I was in hospital. When all I wanted to do was to comfort him, like I always have done. I couldn't."

"Let him in. He's your brother, not the enemy."

"It's... not that easy."

"Look, Sora hasn't told me much, but he's told me enough. You can't move on unless you let go of the past. Your brother has tried his best but he can't do it without you. I'm just giving you some advice here; take it or leave it, but all I wanna do is help-"

Demyx was cut off by the door opening roughly; glancing at the exit, Roxas saw two men walk in, both with unruly red hair; one of them was more spiked and casting out in all directions; must be ' _homicidal pyro firetruck.'_ Though, Red would probably be easier. The former was a bit of a mouthful. He was tall, dressed in casual clothes and had obviously made no effort to calm the spikes, unlike his brother, who had them slicked back. He had teardrop-shaped tattoos underneath his blazing emerald eyes; which, at the moment, were focused hard on the person in front of him. The other male must have been Reno, since the two looked identical and fit what Sora had described. He had similar tattoos to Red, but instead had red lines tracing his cheekbones, accentuating his face.

"I don't have time for this, Axel." Reno spat, turning around to glare at his brother. "I have business to do."

Roxas had chosen the wrong time to finish his drink as he ended up gasping in surprise, coughing as the drink forced itself into his airway. Demyx looked at him in surprise but he shrugged him off, turning around in his seat, still coughing. The two brothers didn't seem to notice his fit, as they were both still in a heated glaring contest.

"Axel?" Roxas spoke a _little_ too loudly, instantly feeling intimidated by the sheer height of them both. 'Red' sighed, breaking his glare with Reno to turn to the source that disturbed him, but froze when he saw the blonde's face.

A mixture of confusion and surprise spread across his face, before he burst out with "I thought you were dead."

"Unfortunately not." Roxas raised his eyebrow and smiled slightly. Axel seemed nervous, which shocked him slightly. He'd only heard a cocky, confident voice, one which seemed unfazed by everything. He opened his mouth, seemingly attempting to say something, but closed it again, obviously at a loss for words.

Sora chose the perfect moment to come downstairs and hear the brief conversation they'd had, as he'd stormed over only to smack Roxas on his head.

"I was joking! Ow.." He rubbed the back of his head, glaring at his brother.

"Do you blame me?!" Sora replied, massaging his temples.

"You two.. Know each other?" Demyx seemed completely lost, looking between the two of them, ignoring Sora's scolding.

"Axel visited me. While I was in hospital, that is." Roxas' eyes locked with emerald again, and he could feel his gaze burning into him, studying him.

The blonde was interrupted by the sound of a glass shattering; Sora had dropped a glass or something, but he wasn't reaching to pick it up, he was just staring at Roxas, frozen. He wasn't focused on Sora, though. The sound of glass breaking rang in his ears, repeating over and over, flashing images of Luna and her stone hard eyes. Stabbing. Repeatedly. He could feel himself shaking, his vision becoming blurry and all he could see or hear was _her,_ taunting him, all he could feel was the pain of the sharp glass cutting into him. He could barely breathe. He tried to focus on the hands that were holding him, a touch he could barely feel, tried to focus on the faint voices that were calling his name, but to no avail. The pain became stronger, the images became more vivid, the threats became louder. Roxas could hear Sora speaking frantically, most of it ineligible; he managed to make out the word 'flashback' before he felt himself go limp and his surroundings faded, fully immersing him in the memory.

" _It's your fault Leon left."_

* * *

Part of him couldn't believe Roxas was sitting in front of him, looking perfectly normal. The other part rejoiced. Axel had come to care for the boy, more than he'd like to admit, even if it was just a one sided conversation.

That quickly fell, however, when he realized the blonde was staring into the corner of the room, not moving.

"Is he okay?" His eyes flicked towards Sora, noticing Roxas was now shaking, his eyes glossed over. Sora, almost in slow motion, glanced down, looked at the glass, then his eyes widened.

" _Shit_." He quickly moved around the bar to stand in front of Roxas and put his hands on either side of his face; he got nothing.

"Roxas!" No response. "Come on, Roxas!" He wasn't reacting, but whatever was happening was worsening, because he started to hyperventilate, shaking violently.

"What's happening to him?" Axel questioned, his confused and panicked face mirroring the same expressions as the ones around him.

"He's having a _fucking_ flashback..." Sora let go of Roxas and paced back and forth, his head in his hands. "It's my fault, I.. The glass.."

Axel moved closer to the boy, barely catching him as the blonde went limp, eyes closed. He picked Roxas up carefully, motioning Reno to the office.

"There's a sofa in there; he can rest until you've finished your shift, if you're still up to it. If not, I'll drive you home - you don't have to stay." Reno's expression didn't waver in the slightest as he unlocked the door, leaving Axel to take the blonde in.

"It's fine, I'll stay.. Thanks for the offer though." Sora held the edge of the bar, forcing himself to calm down. He took a deep breath. "Demyx finishes soon anyway, and somebody's gotta close the bar..."

"It's not your fault." Demyx piped up; the brunette had almost forgotten he was there. "Accidents happen."

"Listen to Demyx- he's too smart for his own good." Reno smiled, a reassuring one at that. "I'll leave Axel to help you if you need it," he glared at the redhead who had just emerged, "as I need to go sort out some... business. Let me know if you have any problems."

With that, he left, and Sora collapsed on Demyx, crying his eyes out as he blamed himself, blamed himself for Roxas' flashback, blamed himself for not stopping Roxas in time, while the blonde consoled him.

Axel stood in the other room, lent against the wall, watching the sleeping blonde. _A flashback..._ His brows furrowed; he was worried.

 _What_ had the blonde gone through?


	4. I Never Forget A Face, But in Your Case I'd Be Glad To Make An Exception

_The blonde was sitting cross legged on his bed, a notebook sprawled out, filled with notes he'd made in class. Luna never let them study, and because of that Roxas was falling behind. If either of them didn't have perfect grades, she'd lash out at him. She was delusional._

_She never hit Sora. To which he was glad; he didn't deserve that._

_Sora went round Riku's a lot to study- not telling her why, obviously. Riku tried to help Sora as best he could, but Roxas wasn't allowed out of the house often, so it became hard to keep up with everything. He snuck out at night, sure, but that was only to see Hayner, or, on occasion, Xemnas. Not being able to have a social life out of school didn't hugely bother him, as most of the time him was preoccupied trying to keep Luna in the best mood and Sora safe. He wouldn't want to bring anyone back here anyway; the state of the house was awful. Everything stunk._

_He groaned, laying down on his back. The scientific equations he'd written out made no sense; It looked like gibberish, to him anyway. He had no idea if he'd copied them down right or not, but he probably didn't._

_Roxas really didn't want to fail another subject. He didn't care personally if he did well in school or not; he just didn't want to give her another reason to hurt him._

_And the report cards were being delivered today._

_He quickly hid the notebook before quietly going downstairs. Roxas didn't have to look to see if the mail had been delivered, however, because Luna was sitting at the table, a drink in one hand and his report card in the other._

_He attempted to creep back upstairs but a croaky voice called out his name rather harshly; he flinched, turning around to face blazing eyes._

_"What the fuck is this?" She held it up, waving it around a little. He swallowed, knowing instantly he'd failed the year. Here he was hoping to have a good summer break._

_"I-If you let me study, I could have done better..." He pretty much regretted the words as they came out of his mouth, even more when she stood up, bottle of vodka still in hand._

_"Sora doesn't need to study." She wobbled as she walked over to him, taking another sip of the strong-smelling drink. "Smart kids don't need to study. You're just dumb, can't even hold your own weight. It's alright, at least I'll have one smart child. Sora can go off and do something worthwhile, meanwhile I'll just be stuck at home, with you."_

_He tried to keep a calm face and not react around her; any reaction could make her flip. Her words didn't affect him too much; he'd gotten used to it, found it easy to ignore. He didn't hold one ounce of love towards her anymore, so the words lost their edge._

_"It's your fault Leon left. He probably couldn't handle having such a stupid kid. It's your fault Luxord left too."_

_"I-I'm sorry-" Roxas rubbed the bruise on his arm, recalling the amount of pain he went through only a couple of days ago. His head still throbbed from being hit against the wall. He couldn't handle another beating._

_"Apologies wont bring back your father. We'd still be together..." She slammed the bottle on the table, hard, seemingly not noticing the drink spill everywhere. Her eyes stayed locked with his, not budging an inch. Roxas couldn't move; he was too frozen in fear. Even if he could move, he decided against it. She hated it when he tried to get away from her._

_She brought up the part of the bottle she was holding, staring at it like it was her freedom. She smiled, yellow, slightly-disfigured teeth protruding._

_Luna wasn't there in the head, not anymore. She had very few moments of complete lucidity, short and bittersweet moments where she'd be completely fine and they'd act like a family. Sometimes, even seeing a certain flower or color would send her over the edge again._

_"You deserve to feel my pain.." She let out a pained sob. The blonde tried not show the fear he was strongly feeling, eyes narrowed. She could snap any minute._

_Maybe she'd just cry it out then fall asleep. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see the broken glass anymore. Glass was a weapon, one which she could use on him._

_Both him and Sora had thought about telling somebody, getting freedom. But... She was still... their flesh and blood. It was more for Sora, anyway. Since she didn't hit him, he didn't have that pain that he had to go through. Sure, he had to watch his brother go through it, but it wasn't quite the same. Plus, there was always a chance it could backfire. They couldn't arrest her on sight, and they had no proof, apart from Roxas' various bruises and scars, which wasn't confirmed proof. He'd probably get a hell of a beating for it afterwards, too._

_He flinched as she pushed one of the points of the bottle into his arm, then slowly dragging it down, drawing blood. Clenching his teeth, he tried to say silent and still, feeling his blood trickle down his arm._

_He gasped as she dug it in deeper, snapping his eyes open. She was watching him, wanting to get a reaction. She kept her gaze on his face, not wavering as she moved to his other arm. He could feel the blood dripping off his fingers, but he still didn't move._

_He loudly yelped in surprise and pain as she stabbed the piece of glass into his leg, causing him to lose his footing. He managed to put his hands out in front of him to brace the fall, but as soon as he started to get up again, she kicked his arms, causing him to fall against the rough carpet. His head started to spin and he felt woozy, staring at the blood from his arm trickling into the carpet._

_"S-Stop." Roxas looked up at her, making her freeze. "Please.."_

_She was about to dig the glass into his leg again, harder, but was stopped by the door opening, Sora strolling in. His eyes widened, stepping slowly towards Luna._

_"M-Mom.. "_

_She brought down the glass again, this time at his face and dug it deeply into his cheek, causing him to howl in pain. Sora pulled her back, making her slam her head into the table, hard. He closed his eyes, relief washing over him as he passed out._

* * *

Roxas opened his eyes, bolting upright when he saw he was in an unfamiliar place, empty threats still lingering. He felt drained _._ The blonde laid back down, not bothering to examine where he was, and put his arm over his eyes, sighing heavily. He'd only ever had flashbacks in dreams. He felt so helpless, completely out of control as the memory dragged him down. It scared him how it triggered with no warning like that, pulled him away from reality.

He hadn't realized he had company until somebody in the room cleared their throat, almost making him fall off the couch he'd obviously been put on.

He looked up into bright emerald eyes, feeling his breath catch in his throat. Roxas found himself wondering how they were so deeply green- not the color of trees, moss, emeralds, just; green. Stunning green.

"Are you okay?"

He nodded, making Axel laugh loudly in response.

"So you had a flashback, according to your brother, which bought on a panic attack and caused you to pass out, yet you're completely dandy? Do you _really_ expect me to believe that?"

"I'm _fine._ " Roxas glared at the redhead, clearly annoyed. At least Sora would always drop it.

"Sheesh, someone woke up on the wrong side of the couch today." Axel rolled his eyes, sitting down on a chair opposite him near some fancy-computer stuff. The keypad-locked door must have led to an office, by the looks of the room. Either that, or Axel kidnapped him... "And here I thought you'd be happy to see the person that kept you company in hospital."

"Why the _fuck_ did you visit anyway? I don't know you! What rational thought in your brain got the idea to try and befriend a _comatose_ patient?" He knew he was being harsh. He just didn't care, not right now anyway - he was just getting on his nerves and he was already on edge. A part of him didn't want to be pissy around Axel, however; he did keep him company when he needed it.

"I was visiting my brother in hospital. Cancer." He spoke like he was talking about the weather, not skipping a beat. His gaze didn't leave Roxas, which unsettled him. He looked down at the floor, feeling slightly guilty. An emotion he'd been feeling a lot as of late.

"Then I happened to stumble upon you while I was getting coffee. A quick flirt with one of the nurses and I found out you'd been in a coma for six months, and pretty much only had one frequent visitor."

"What made you want to talk to me of all people? I'm sure I wasn't the only person in the hospital." The blonde looked back up at Axel, frowning, ignoring the fact he'd flirted with a nurse just to get information on _him_.

"Well, I'm not all horrible, and I figured that it might help you up a little. I'm sure it's very fun being stuck in a coma with _so_ many people to talk to." Axel smirked, his eyes crinkling slightly at the corners. "Plus, it didn't help that you looked insanely cute."

Roxas could sense the heat on his cheeks and felt himself becoming flustered. He _hated_ it. "So- is Reno..?"

"He's fine now, as you can see." Axel sighed, looking away. _Finally._ "I- I thought I was gonna lose him, though. They managed to get rid of it, but only after countless surgeries and chemotherapy. He's the only person I've got, so I had to hold onto that."

"No family?" At least he could relate. Both of his parents were completely out of the picture; he doubted his dad would come back suddenly, and Luna was six feet under, where she belonged.

"Me and Reno were abandoned as babies." The redhead stood up, putting his hands behind his head. "We've always had each other, y'know?"

_Like him and Sora._

"Hey, why did you think I was _dead?"_ Roxas implied, remembering the redhead's outburst, causing Axel to flush a deep red. _That_ was unexpected. He looked cute when he blushed- but not like Roxas thought he was cute, or anything.

"Well," Axel rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "When I went to visit you, a couple days ago, actually, you were gone. The bed was completely empty. You can't judge me for jumping to conclusions. So when I saw you, I guess it just kind of... slipped out."

"What, no emotion towards the guy you made _such_ great friends with?"

Axel chuckled. "Would you get too attached to somebody in your situation?"

"I wouldn't _talk_ to somebody that was in my situation. Do I really _look_ like a people person?"

"How flattering to know that even if you saw a drop dead gorgeous redhead like myself lying in a hospital bed, on the _brink_ of _death,_ just wanting some cute blonde to talk to him, you wouldn't grant a dying man's wish. Harsh." Axel feigned hurt, dramatically putting his arm against his forehead.

"You wish you were drop dead gorgeous." The blonde muttered, gasping in surprise when Axel stood up and pulled Roxas up by his chin, almost pressing their faces together. The taller teen had to lean down slightly to reach his face, while Roxas had to stand on the tips of his toes; he was sure his ability to breathe had failed on him.

"Oh?" Axel breathed, making Roxas shiver as he felt the hot breath against his mouth, their lips almost touching. Before he could ponder to pull away or not, the redhead abruptly stepped back, a massive grin on his face. "Guess I'll just have to keep this ass to myself then!"

"Asshole." He scowled, standing up and heading to the door. His face felt like it was on fire; he was certain that Axel could see the blush. Before he could put his hand on the doorknob, however, the said person grabbed his wrist and pulled him back, leaning down to his ear.

"I was right, y'know. I won the bet, because your eyes are more beautiful than I'd imagined."

* * *

Sora absentmindedly wiped the counter, his mind on his brother. He wished he could've stopped their mother, all those years she kept hurting him, causing him so much emotional and physical pain, while he just cried, cried for years, having no idea what to do. He was never the strong one. He felt guilty that he'd brought that back to him; Sora hadn't thought of how much more Roxas would be affected than he was, how much more he was having to go through.

He didn't notice it was three am already; the bar was meant to close, not that they'd had any customers in the past hour. Demyx had long gone home, having finished his shift at one. Reno had left Sora in charge of closing the bar, having to go finish some business. Axel was keeping an eye on Roxas- he was still confused about their relationship to each other, but his mind was too focused on other things to dwell on that.

_"You need to fucking stop this, Mom! It's going too far now!"_

_"I don't care-"_

_"I do! I can't sit back and let you keep doing this to Roxas. You're going to end up killing him one day."_

_"I-" Her face fell. "He- Ventus.."_

He'd tried to do some digging up of this so called 'Ventus' but Luna never said anything else that day, and he never got the chance to ask again. His gaze hardened. She'd just cried into his arms. Sora knew she was troubled; he was scared to ever say anything, but _something_ must've caused her to be like that. _Something,_ or _someone._

Sora was pulled out from his thoughts as the door to the office opened, revealing a tired, if not a little flushed Roxas, with Axel close behind. The blonde seemed to have a deep blush dusting his cheeks, while the redhead was smirking. He raised an eyebrow at the two but didn't pry; only went around the counter to hug his brother.

"Are you okay? I'm so sorry Rox-"

"Sora, I'm fine, just tired. Can we go home?"

Sora nodded, staring up at Axel. "Did you want a ride? I just need to lock up the place and close some stuff down then we can go."

"Nah it's fine, I've got my bike outside." He ran a hand through his unruly hair. "Thanks for the offer though."

The two stepped outside, the blonde waiting for Sora to do whatever he needed to do, while Axel unlocked his bike from the wall. He shivered at the cold; only a single flickering light illuminated the outside of the bar.

"You're such a typical rebel. Motorbike, tattoos and all. Let me guess, your leather jacket's at the dry cleaners?" Roxas pulled out a cigarette from the pocket of his hoodie and lit it, smiling at the redhead.

"Oh, blondie," He jumped on the sleek black motorbike, grinning as he started it, his voice blending with the purr of the bike. "My leather jacket is saved for special occasions, obviously." Axel sped forward, only to stop in front of Roxas, take the cigarette from his mouth, and put it in his own with a wink. "See ya later, Roxie."

Roxas spluttered, the redhead speeding away and gone around the corner within seconds. He could feel cheeks burning yet again. He _never_ blushed.

He couldn't decide if he liked the effect Axel had on him or not.

* * *

Roxas awoke to the sun blaring in his eyes; he'd had a dreamless sleep, which was refreshing, to say the least. He reached up to grab his phone - obviously having no messages, since the only contact he had was Sora - and groaned when the screen read it was four in the afternoon. He rubbed his eyes tiredly, wondering if he should go back to sleep or not, but decided against it as he found the will to get up and go to the bathroom, picking some clean clothes up on his way. The apartment was seemingly empty, to his surprise.

He stepped in the shower, relishing in the warmth as the hot water hit his back, easing tense muscles. He was glad to have hot showers again- his back still ached, and the relaxing side to it helped him to unwind, washing the tense feeling of his back away. After about an hour of thinking to himself and relaxing under the soothing pressure of the water, he quickly washed his hair and body and stepped out, feeling refreshed. His mind felt slightly clearer, not having the usual cloud of a flashback following him.

As he stepped out of the shower, he glanced at himself in the mirror, his face seeming less dull and the bags under his eyes weren't so dark anymore. His usual naturally-spiked hair was hanging limp at his shoulders- it had grown considerately as he was in a coma for so long. His face was slightly longer, jaw more defined, a less childish look to his face, compared to over a year ago. Roxas scowled at the scar on his cheek- it had healed better than he'd hoped, but a thin white line still stood out menacingly, unmissable. They'd more than likely stitched it up while he was in hospital, as well as his legs and arms- while the ones on his arms, self inflicted and from that _goddamn_ glass, had healed almost completely, only thin lines in their place- the one on his leg had not. It was jagged, bright pink, and _ugly._

Shaking the thoughts away, he towel-dried his hair to a certain extent and got dressed, stepping out into the open kitchen and living room area to see Sora sitting on the counter, gripping a mug tightly, his mind a million miles away.

The brunette visibly jumped as Roxas put a hand on his shoulder, almost knocking over his mug- which had gone completely cold. He hadn't realized that the blonde had sat down next to him, and he was watching Sora, his eyes full of concern.

"Are you okay?" Roxas asked, biting his lip. Sora looked away, shrugging.

"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?" The brunette sighed, turning to his brother, his face serious. His blue eyes were slightly glossed over, tearing up at the corners. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

The brunette paused, looking down. "For not telling you about Hayner. I had no idea you could- _hear_ me."

Roxas sighed, moving to rest his chin on the top of Sora's head, trying to give his brother a sense of comfort.

"It's okay, Sora."

He mumbled a rebuttal, but didn't have the energy to argue. Roxas smiled at his childish stroppiness; it reminded him of how Sora was before everything happened.

"Hey, cheer up. You're the hyper, lovable one, and I'm the moody one, remember?"

* * *

The weeks passed; slowly Roxas began to regain the connection with his brother, the guilt lessening as the blonde began to confide in his brother, even if only a little. He often came with him to the bar, helped out a little to pass the time; he noticed Axel was coming in more frequently, his flirtatious comments never ceasing to make Roxas flush. The redhead was a lot more annoying now he could _see_ him.

Riku was around a lot less, but he shrugged it off. They weren't teens anymore; a lot had happened in only a couple of years. Everyone he used to be close to had lives, but he still felt left behind, like something was dragging him down.

It was a couple of weeks before Christmas and Roxas adamantly followed Sora to a small, village-like mall which had been built while he was in hospital; the brunette said he wanted to show him something, but wouldn't tell him what. Riku trailed behind, a knowing smile plastered on his face, which aggravated the blonde. He _hated_ Christmas shopping, which was most likely what Sora had dragged him off to.

He wasn't in the Christmas cheer, unlike his brother, who had decorated every square inch of the apartment with decorations. He wanted to 'make Roxy have the best Christmas ever!'

He had to admit, being distracted by Sora wasn't as bad as he thought it'd be. Although he still hated Christmas.

"Now will you tell me?"

"You'll see soon enough..." Sora grinned. Roxas looked at Riku to help, but he just shrugged, the brunette leading him inside. It was fairly busy, people chatting and rushing around, arms full of bags. His brother then stilled, eyes wide, only to run off abruptly in the direction of a small, quaint coffee shop, hidden away next to an antique store. The blonde raised an eyebrow as he disappeared inside the building, not checking to see if his brother had followed him or not.

"Come on, before he gets inpatient..." Riku spoke, walking off in the direction of where the brunette went. Roxas followed, almost bumping into a few boisterious shoppers as he reached the shop. As he followed the silver haired male inside, he heard a loud screech.

"Ohmygosh Sora... It's been so long!" A familiar voice rang through the coffee shop, and he stepped from behind Riku to see Kairi had almost pounced herself on Sora, squeezing him, and probably leaving him unable to breathe, too. A light pink blush dusted his cheeks as he hugged her back. The male that was standing next to Roxas had his gaze averted, his expression stone cold. He frowned, wondering what had gone on between the group since he last saw them.

"R- _Roxas_?" A timid voice said quietly, and he saw Namine stand up, her hand over her mouth. Kairi almost fell off Sora, staring at Roxas, stunned. She blurted out a "holy crap!" before looking back and forth at the two, only to smack Sora's head similar to how he'd smacked Roxas' that night at the bar. The redheaded girl got off her flustered friend and glared, pointing at the blonde.

"Why didn't you tell us he was awake?! Also, why did you wait this long?!You're such a dimwit!" She all but shouted, causing a few people in the crowded cafe to turn around and look at the outburst. Sora was too stunned to answer, looking at Roxas for help.

"Kairi, why don't we focus on the fact Roxas is _awake?"_ Namine rushed over to the blonde, pulling him into a hug. "We missed you. A lot." She mumbled into his chest before pulling away. Kairi sighed, apologizing, giving Roxas a hug too.

"So," Namine spoke softy to the blonde when the group sat down on the table, "how have you been holding up?"

"I've been... alright, actually. Better. I'm guessing that dimwit over there explained everything?"Roxas asked, frowning when she shook her head. He motioned for them to continue the conversation outside, preferably in a quieter place; Sora was engrossed in a loud conversation with Kairi and Riku was staring at a wall like he wanted to stab it, so they wouldn't notice their absence. They managed to find a free bench outside the mall shaded by trees which managed to tame the wind slightly.

"How come Sora didn't tell you anything?"

"We've barely talked to Sora, or Riku, for that matter, since you fell into a coma. Me, Kairi, Olette, Hayner and Pence were all together when we found out the news from Riku; he'd been nice enough to let us know that you'd tried to... you know, and had gone into a coma. Hayner stormed off, mumbling to himself- we figured it would be better to let him calm down. The four of us went to visit you; Kairi went off to talk to Sora and they had a fight." Namine sighed, picking at the hem of her white dress. "He told her to fuck off, Roxas. That he didn't need comforting by us, and refused to tell us how you'd gotten into the coma, or anything."

"Hayner had gone missing, and we were all worried; until we found out on the news, a week later, that the police were searching for Hayner because he killed your Mother- there was no doubt it was him, too much evidence." She sighed. "That's pretty much everything I know. Still, Sora refused to tell us anything. We saw him around school sometimes, but he'd ignore us every time... Until Kairi confronted Riku, and they had a fight, causing her to blurt out that he's only following Sora around like a lost puppy because he's in love with him. We hadn't seen him since, either of them. Olette and Pence moved away to this expensive university together when school ended, so we all split apart."

"That idiot." Roxas put his head in his hands, sighing deeply. Namine deserved the truth, at least. With the amount they'd been though, and all because of him, he was surprised she was still willing to listen, wanting to know.

So he told her, told her everything, even mentioning Axel. It felt good to get it off his chest. When he'd finished, they sat in silence, hugging, enjoying the tranquility.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that." Namine frowned, sitting up. "I couldn't imagine..."

"It's okay, Namine, really." Roxas stood up, yawning. Namine followed suit. "... Thanks. For this. It means a lot." The smaller girl hugged his arm as they began walking back to the coffee shop.

"Mmm... It's fine, honestly. I'm here if you need me, yeah? I always will be."


	5. Would It Kill You To Not Be An Asshole?

Roxas awoke to his phone vibrating loudly against the wooden stand next to his bed; after a couple minutes of the incessant buzzing he sleepily grabbed it, squinting at the screen. _Two in the morning._ God, he was going to kill Sora when he got home. He willed his eyes to focus as he stared at the screen, only being left in surprise as there was a text from a number he didn't recognize, plus a few missed calls. Mumbling, he slapped his face in frustration.

' _Yo Blondie!'_

It didn't take much thinking to figure out who it was- nobody called him _Blondie, ever,_ apart from one specific redhead, who _did_ seem like the sort of person to text someone late at night. He hastily typed out a response, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

_'How did you get my number, Axel? And, on a more important note, do I need to get a restraining order?'_

The response came pretty much instantly. ' _Has anybody ever told you that you may overreact a little? Because, well, you do. Chill. After some persuading, your brother gave me it. He's much nicer than you. Maybe I'm talking to the wrong twin.'_

He really _did_ have to kill Sora when he got home.

_'Yes, you really are. Now leave me to sleep in peace. It's two in the fucking morning, do you really have nothing better to do?'_

_'No, not really. I did spend most of the night bugging Sora for your number, after all.'_

_'What do I have to do for you to leave me alone?'_

_'How suggestive, Roxas. Well, since you asked, Demyx has organized this stupid 'movie night', and, well, since we're housemates I can't really get out of it. You should come- you could even bring your idiot brother if you'd want to.'_

_'Why would you want me to come to your 'movie night?''_

_'You didn't answer me, Roxy...'_

_'What is it with all these nicknames?'_ The blonde thought for a second, before sending a second text. He knew by now that Axel could be persistent, and would probably spend the whole night persuading him. _'Fine, whatever. Night, Axel.'_

_'That was easier than I thought! Sweet dreams, sunshine."_

Roxas couldn't help smiling slightly at the stupid nicknames Axel seemed to be coming up with, shutting his phone off and closing his eyes.

He was still pissed at Sora, though.

* * *

"Roxaaaas. Oi. Roxas!" A halo of spikes came into view over Roxas, trying to awake the blonde but causing him to get a pillow in his face."Go away Sora... I'm trying to sleep..."

Sora grumbled, pulling the sheets off the complaining blonde. "We're gonna be late..."

Roxas yawned loudly, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the light. "What? What time is it?"

"Three in the afternoon, lazy ass. Axel told me his address; we're going in an hour. " Axel probably didn't have to do much convincing to persuade the brunette to come; if Sora didn't look so damn happy he probably would've bailed, since his bed seemed _really_ inviting.

The blonde grumbled, quite literally rolling out of bed, throwing another pillow at his brother as he did.

"Hey! What was that for?" Sora pouted, crossing his arms. Roxas just laughed at his expression.

"For giving Axel my number. He could be a stalker, Sora. He could have an - an evil sex lair!"

Sora looked at Roxas with a completely blank look, only to burst out laughing. "What the fuck Roxas?" He said in-between laughs, doubling over. Roxas couldn't hold in a few giggles, laughing more when he saw Sora was literally crying.

"Hey, it's your fault if he takes me away to his evil sex lair while we're there..." Roxas frowned, yet he was still laughing. "It's your fault we have to go anyway! I don't even like the guy."

"Sure you don't," Sora smirked, pushing Roxas towards the bathroom. "Hurry up and get ready. I'm sure you want to look presentable for _Axelll._ _"_

 _"_ Sora, would you do me a favor and _fuck off?"_

* * *

A little over an hour later found Roxas, Sora, Riku, Namine and Kairi standing in front of Axel's house- the brunette had forced extra guests along, getting a little _too_ excited about the 'movie night'. The redheaded male had offered them the option of staying round his house, as it was probably going to be late. Roxas said no, Sora said yes. As always, Sora won.

As the beaming brunette was about to knock on the door, it swung open, Demyx smiling at the lot. _That_ wasn't creepy at all. "You came!" he gleefully exclaimed, motioning for the lot to come inside. He glanced at the extra guests.

"Well, the more the merrier, right Axel?" As if on cue, the redhead walked into the hallway, a piece of pizza dangling from his hands. He shrugged, waving to them all, before disappearing into another room. Demyx rolled his eyes, closing the door behind them.

"Just leave your stuff in the hallway, I'll take it upstairs for you; we'll sort out who's sleeping where later. Oh, and I'm Demyx!"

Sora bounded off into the room Axel had gone in, acting like he was at home already.

"Sorry about the extra people; Sora got a bit _carried away."_ Roxas muttered as he followed his brother in, walking over to Axel who was sitting on one of the two couches. He moved up to let the blonde sit next to him, a grin on his face. Roxas decided not to ask, taking the seat. Sora and Kairi sat on the floor next to a sleeping pink haired guy on the other couch, who was softy snoring. Namine sat at Roxas' other side, quiet as usual, while Riku stood lent against a wall, being his angsty self.

"It's fine." The redhead said with a chuckle. "I didn't think you'd actually come, so that's a nice surprise."

"Oh, what gave you that impression? The fact I _didn't_ want to come?" Roxas cocked an eyebrow, leaning forward. "Wow, great observational skills there."

Axel pouted. " _Anyway,_ better introduce you to my _very_ sociable friends, right? You already know Demyx, while the ass sleeping on my couch is Marluxia. And, before you ask, _yes,_ he is gay. The hair's a dead giveaway. A couple more people are coming later; Larxene insisted she'd bring alcohol, so expect the strong stuff."

The blonde couldn't help but wonder if the night was going to turn into one with people stumbling and throwing up everywhere. Probably.

Demyx strolled in, carrying two pizzas and smiling toothily. "So, who're your friends?"

"I'm Namine." The blonde sitting at Roxas' feet chirped, her voice soft. Axel raised an eyebrow.

"Kairi." The redheaded girl shook Demyx's hand after he put down the pizzas. "That brooding teenager over there is Riku."

"He's just pissed because Sora interrupted his daily activity of staring at a wall," Roxas smirked.

"Fuck off, at least I don't hide away in my room like a spoiled brat."

"Who's a spoiled brat?" A blonde woman appeared in the doorway, a grin on her face. She was dressed in punky clothes, her short hair slicked back with two antennae-like pieces sticking out. Her eyes glowed green- though they seemed more piercing and sly than Axel's did- his was more captivating, eyes that you'd stare at for hours without tiring.

Roxas shook the thought away, surprising himself at the direction his mind was going in.

The mystery woman's gaze found Riku and she whistled, walking into the room with a carrier bag full of what appeared to be alcohol. "And _who_ let the emo in?"

 _Another_ blonde walked in behind her; she seemed chirpy, a bounce in her step. Her hair reached down to her waist, most of it tied up into braids that sat in different directions, all kept together by a blue headband. She was wearing a miniskirt and a matching green over-sized jumper; she smiled at the group warmly. "Axel didn't say he was bringing newbies!" She almost squealed. "I'm Rikku, and that's Larxene."

"And you must be Roxas." Larxene studied the blonde, her narrowed eyes boring into him. Roxas had to admit; he was never good in big groups, and her gaze reminded him of Luna's. He shuddered at the thought.

"Well then," she broke the intense stare, grabbing a bottle of vodka out of the bag, "let's get this party started."

* * *

"Sora. Truth or dare." Kairi giggled, her words almost slurring as the alcohol worked its magic. It was late at night and they'd pretty much watched their fill of mediocre movies before deciding to play Truth or Dare. Who thought it would be a good idea to play, he didn't know, but Roxas didn't protest.

"Dare!" The brunette sat excitedly, legs crossed. They were all sat in a circle around Axel's coffee table, a now empty bottle of alcohol put in the middle of it.

"Alright, I dare you to kiss... Axel." She howled in laughter as Sora's face turned pink, shaking his head from side to side. Riku stiffened beside him, almost choking on the vodka he was downing. "Truth! Truuuuuthhh." He wailed, gripping her arm. "I don't want to kiss Roxie's Axel!"

"Roxie's _what?"_ Said blonde glared at Sora, the brunette cowering in fear. Larxene cat-called and Rikku slapped her arm in response, while Axel sat next to Roxas, staying silent yet a smirk on his face.

"Oh, come on Roxaas." He slurred slightly. "Not even Hayner could make you blush like Axel does!"

"Sora, I think it's time to stop." Namine murmured on the other side of Roxas, slight concern in her eyes at the mention of Hayner.

"Hayner, eh?" Larxene raised an eyebrow. " _Do_ spill."

"Drop it, Larxene." Demyx glared.

Roxas silently reacted, downing some more of the alcohol. At least the strong stuffed helped him to forget Larxene's words. Axel glanced at the blonde with a slight worry.

"Alright, whatever, guessed I touched a nerve there, you _poor boy._ Let's continue with this stupid game before I die of boredom."

Rikku moved closer to the bottle and spun it, hoping to quickly change the subject; it landed on Marluxia.

"Oh, joy." The pink-haired guy muttered, crossing his arms. "Dare. I hope you know I'm only here for the alcohol."

Rikku pondered for a minute before exiting the room, coming back moments later with something behind her back. "I dare you... to take a shot of ketchup." She revealed the red bottle from behind her back, handing it to the stunned male. Roxas cringed as he stared at the bottle for a few seconds before reluctantly opening his mouth and squirting some of the condiment inside, retching.

"That was fucking disgusting, Rikku." He choked out when he'd managed to swallow it all, shaking his head at the taste. "You have the _strangest_ dares."

"Awww, did Marly want an easy dare?" Axel teased, pouring some drink into his glass. He'd drunk a lot more than the blonde had yet he seemed completely unaffected, unlike Roxas who was starting to feel tipsy, his body swaying slightly. Marluxia just flipped off the redhead, washing the ketchup down with alcohol.

"My turn," Axel announced with a coy smile. He spun the bottle, watching as it landed on Namine, his smile widening.

"So, Namine." Roxas knew this was going to be a pretty bad one, whatever it was- just by the grin. "Truth, or _Dare?"_

 _"_ T-Truth." Namine stuttered, her eyes widening.

"How long have you had a crush on Roxas over here? Or, should I word it better; how long have the two of you been _dating_?" The last word oozed venom, quite so that it shocked the blonde.

Namine's immediate response was to flush red; Roxas' was to choke on air; Larxene burst out laughing; Rikku and Riku both put their head in their hands; Demyx put his hands over his mouth, a small squeak emerging from his mouth; Kairi told Axel, in a very polite way, to _fuck off,_ and Sora sat there, stunned, his gaze flickering between Axel, Roxas, and Namine.

Marluxia had passed out previously.

A few seconds passed before Namine managed to coherently stutter out a ' _what?_ '; Axel snorted.

"It's obvious the way you look at him, Namine. No point in hiding it."

"That's enough, Axel," Demyx warned, closing his eyes. "You really don't think, do you?"

After catching his breath, Roxas turned to Axel, scowling.

"You're horrible, you know that?"

"All part of my charm, _Roxas._ Why don't you console your crying girlfriend, I'm sure she needs attention after that _ordeal_."

"She's not my girlfriend-" The blonde yanked at his hair, sighing frustratedly. Namine put a hand on his shoulder, a silent ' _It's okay, just ignore him_ ', but he shook her arm off exasperatedly.

Axel didn't get time to respond before a fist clashed with his jaw, a sickening crunch; Roxas was seeing red. He knew, later, he'd probably regret punching the redhead, but right now nothing gave him more pleasure than knocking the cocky grin from the ass sitting next to him.

_Axel's Roxie._

Was Sora blind?

* * *

_Roxas yawned, opening his eyes. He was laying in his bed; somehow he'd gotten from Axel's house to home._

_Oh well._

_The blonde pulled back the covers, stretching. It was stunningly sunny outside- unusual for December, but it didn't bother him. He felt unusually content._

_Roxas stood up, walking towards the door but stopping when he heard his name called from behind him, a familiar voice that sent shivers down his spine. Slowly turning around, he froze when he saw Luna standing there, smiling. Her hair looked dead, her eyes hallowed._

_"You thought you could get away?" She walked towards him, her gaze never leaving his. "Even in death, you'll never be rid of me. Stupid boy." Roxas flinched when she ran a finger alongside his jaw, her skin rough. Her hair was more like straw than anything else, every movement making it run against her protruding collarbones._

_"Maybe I'll even go after Sora this time. Give him his share."_

_He lunged at Luna in sheer rage- and fear, fear for her touching Sora- but she moved quicker than he could track; in a flash she was behind him, pulling him up by his hair, snarling. She kicked his back, hard, sending him down to the floor, whimpering in pain._

_"Useless." A kick to the stomach. "Worthless." She spat on his face. "Pathetic." She punched his jaw as he tried to get up, causing blood to fly out of his mouth. She kept hitting and kicking, over and over again, the words cutting into him. Roxas curled into a ball, trying to shield his head, groaning and whimpering each time she caused pain._

_It seemed to go on for hours, to the point the blonde just laid there, taking it, his eyes unfocused. Luna stopped, seemingly having enough; only to grab him upwards by his hair so they were face to face._

_"What, gonna run to your little faggot boyfriend now?"_

* * *

Roxas shot up, panting heavily, eyes flickering around the room. He wasn't sure what time it was; it was obviously still night though, as it was pitch black outside, his brother and Riku laying across from him, Sora snoring softly. Marluxia, once awake, gave Rikku a ride drunken ride home - which, looking back, might not have been a good idea- and Larxene and Demyx slept on the two couches, leaving Kairi and Namine in his room.

He shivered. The last thing Luna spoke, threatened, still hung in the air, felt the presence of her was still lingering. His eyes screwed up, unwanted tears pooling in them. Each word felt like a knife to his chest, clogging his head up with self-hatred.

He needed some air.

Being as quiet as possible - which he'd gotten quite good at, considering even the slightest sound could've gotten him beaten- he walked downstairs and to the front door, not checking to see if somebody was awake in the living room; he could hear what was seemingly Demyx's loud snoring proving that he was asleep, at least. Opening it quietly, he slipped out, closing it behind him. The blonde sat down on the porch, against the brick of the house, a small porch light barely illuminating him. The winter air didn't bother him; he could still feel the ghost of the kicks and punches, the words still swimming in his mind. He brought his knees to his chest, burying his head in them, a few tears slipping out. What rattled him the most was what she said about Sora. Sure, she wasn't there to do anything now, but... that was one thing he always feared. He felt useless, worthless, pathetic, everything that she'd tell him, he didn't want to take it to heart, but he did. Roxas thought he'd finally gotten free.

Sure, before he'd gone into a coma, it was basically impossible to have done this, gone to somebody's house he barely knew and gotten drunk. The blonde didn't have to worry about being physically hurt anymore if he even asked to go out, didn't have to worry about if he'd have food to eat, he could actually go on a date if he wanted to. Things he was all grateful for. He wasn't being _physically_ hurt anymore.

But he felt like at any minute he would be. He was waiting for Luna to suddenly reappear and come back to finish him off. It sounded stupid, but he was _scared._

Roxas barely heard the door opening, didn't bother to move from his position or look up. He could hear light footsteps across the wooden porch; it didn't sound like the recipients of said footsteps realized he was there.

"Come on Axel, let's have some fun like we used to." Larxene's impish voice sounded purposely laced with sweetness, something that didn't suit her at all. "Remember how good we were together?" For reasons unknown to him, he felt a tightness in his chest. _Axel and Larxene used to be an item?_

"Larxene.." Axel's voice sounded reluctant, tired. "There's no _me and you_ anymore. There barely was."

"Oh you were more than begging the last time we saw each other; any reason you've been avoiding me, Axel? It's been _months._ Imagine my surprise when Demyx calls and asks for a fucking ' _movie night_ '. Come _on_ , you know you want it."

Axel hissed. "Can't you get _no_ into that stupid head of yours?"

"Oh, I get it. It's that angsty blonde, isn't it? The one you royally pissed off? _Roxas?"_

Roxas' head snapped up at the sound of his name; the first thing to come into view was Axel, inches away from Larxene, his green eyes piercing into her. If looks could kill... For the first time, the blonde actually saw the redhead as intimidating; he towered over her, his green eyes alight with annoyance. The differences in their build probably didn't help either; Larxene was small, dainty- although he didn't doubt her strength- while Axel seemed to have a fair amount of muscle, a heavy-set build, tall, menacing.

Unlike Axel, she noticed the slight movement that Roxas had made and turned her head in his direction. The small strands of hair at the front of her head bounced at the abrupt movement.

"Aw, is little Roxie crying for his mommy?" She sneered, Axel's gaze finding Roxas on the floor, surprise filling his features. The angry look on his face disappeared, returning back to the face that made the blonde want to scowl. Which he did.

"Bit hard to do when my mom's fucking dead." Roxas bit back, his eyes narrowed. She didn't even flinch, her glare making him shiver, though his didn't falter. The redhead seemed to tense, his eyes darkening.

"Larxene, go inside." Axel glowered, interrupting her before she could say anything else, grabbing her arm roughly when she decided to protest. " _Now."_

With one last death-stare at Roxas, she spun around and disappeared inside the house, slamming the door behind her.

And like that, the two were left in silence. Axel stood, staring at the blonde for a few seconds, gauging a reaction of some sort, rubbing his probably aching jaw. Coming to the realization it was safe enough to sit down without being attacked, he slumped down next to the smaller teen.

"How come you're awake?" The redhead looked at him warily, scratching the back of his head.

"Couldn't sleep," Roxas mumbled a reply, not bothering to look at the person speaking.

"Look, I'm sorry, alright? About what I said..." Axel chuckled awkwardly, leaning back against the wall, his hands behind his head. "I guess I, ah, got a little...  _jealous_. Though, you did get me good... Ouch, Rox."

" _Jealous?"_ Roxas raised an eyebrow, turning to look at the redhead who was watching for his reaction. He ignored the little nickname, although it made his blood boil. "Why the hell were you _jealous_?"

"Well, you and Namine did seem to be... Plus the way she'd keep glancing at you, leaning on you, the smile she'd give you; I put two and two together."

"Don't judge a book by its cover, right?" Roxas half-heartedly laughed. "Namine... She.. she was the reason Hayner and I started dating. She knows nothing would go on between us; I wouldn't want to give her false hope."

"So where is this mystery boyfriend then?" Axel pried, leaning closer to Roxas so his chest was pressing against the blonde's arm, his lips close to his ear. "Does this mean I have some competition? Because I'm sure you can tell by now I'm _very_ stubborn." He pouted playfully.

Roxas let out a sigh, feeling the presence strangely comforting but pushed Axel away regardless. " _Ex._ There's no competition there; I have no idea where he is." Axel frowned, egging the blonde to continue.

"Hayner, he- he shot my mom. He went on the run afterward." Roxas rested his chin on his legs, closing his eyes. No point in sugarcoating it. Even just calling _her_ by... _Mom..._ almost felt impossible to do. She was never a mother. She was never  _his_ mother.

"Shit, I'm sorry Rox. I-" Axel stilled, looking at the blonde in disbelief. He was more shocked that the blonde seemed to say it with no feeling, almost like he was relieved, than the fact his ex shot his parent.

"She deserved it. You don't know what she did." Roxas laughed an almost desperate noise, turning around to face the redhead. "I'm glad he did. I always knew from the start it was either me or her, somehow."

"Why the hell am I telling you this anyway? You probably don't even care." Roxas muttered, standing up, mentally hitting himself for spilling those details to Axel. Before he could react ant further, he was being pulled down by the redhead, blushing as he found himself, forcibly, in Axel's lap.

"What made you think I don't care? I'm just... shocked." Axel's brows furrowed, his expression showing nothing but confusion. Roxas could almost hear his brain working in overdrive. "Have I ever done _anything_ to make you think I don't care?"

"Why _would_ you?" Roxas rebutted, his face heating up slightly. The only thing he could concentrate on was how close Axel was- he could feel his warm breath against the shell of his ear, could feel those green eyes studying him, unnerving him. When only hours ago he'd hit the hell out of the redhead and had to be pulled off by Demyx. He should be angry, but he wasn't. Under the slight porch light, the bruises really did look bad; he had a split lip too, a patch of dried blood near his chin. No, he didn't feel angry. He felt regretful.

"Why do you think I visited you all that time, Rox?" _Again with the nicknames._ "Isn't it obvious that I _like_ you? Damn, maybe you don't have any brain cells in there."

" _What?_ Hold on, are you being serious?" He decided to ignore the supposed insult. "You must be joking."

"For once I'm being completely and utterly truthful. Hard to believe, right?" Roxas did have to admit; his face held complete sincerity, nothing that would prove he was lying. _Shit._

In his confused haze, Roxas realized the close proximity of the two and the words he'd just uttered; he stumbled backward, falling off the redhead's lap and onto the wooden porch with a thud. An unwanted blush covered his cheeks, more out of embarrassment than anything else. Axel didn't budge, his expression unreadable.

"It's late. We should go to bed." Axel stood up, extending his hand to Roxas. Seeing his flabbergasted expression, he rolled his eyes. "Not together, you idiot."

The blonde glanced down from Axel's face to his hand, a frown forming alongside surprise. He abruptly stood up, mirroring the redhead, albeit shorter, and opened his mouth but closed it again, unable to think of anything to say. He was quite literally speechless.

Unable to think, he did what his natural response was to do. _Run._


	6. The Kids Aren't Alright

Roxas ran until his lungs ached, ran until his head was swimming, ran until he could barely think anymore. Axel _couldn't_ like him. But he did. He just confessed it, plain as day, perfectly sincere and- _fuck!_ He abruptly stopped when it became too much, almost toppling to the floor in doing so. Roxas coughed, tightly holding onto a freezing lamppost near to him as he bent over, clutching his stomach as he struggled to catch his breath. Why was it affecting him _so much?_

He groaned as he broke into a run again even though his limbs complained against it, the winter chill in the air making his teeth begin to chatter. He wanted to be alone- needed to be alone. He had a vague idea of where he could go, even though it was a far way away from where he was currently at. It was familiar, and sure, Sora would probably find him sooner or later, but he'd have time to think, _alone_.

The determination made him run faster, though he couldn't run from his thoughts - no matter how much he wanted to.

* * *

Axel paced on his front porch, debating whether to go and wake Sora up or just stand and brood to himself like he was currently doing. It had been half an hour since the blonde had ran quite literally after his, from what he thought, obvious confession. At the time he was just planning to let Roxas have some space considering he seemed pretty rattled, but as every second ticked along he began getting more worried. Even though he knew little about the boy, what he did know prompted the thought that he might be in danger- of himself, more than anything else. Axel couldn't help but be worried. Everything about him was intriguing and he knew the blonde was hiding something. What he'd said about his own flesh and blood not an hour ago made that much clearer. The coincidence of what he'd said, the _ex_ -boyfriend on the run, the scars, him being in a coma; it _had_ to be connected.

A throat clearing behind him made him freeze and pulled him from his thoughts; he looked up to see Riku standing in the doorway, the hallway light illuminating the space behind him as the silverette rubbed his eyes and yawned.

"Have you seen Roxas? He's not upstairs." He questioned, cocking an eyebrow and growing suspicious when Axel didn't answer. "What have you done _now_?"

The redhead laughed desperately, rubbing the back of his head. "I may have royally fucked up. _Again._ "

* * *

The boy stood in front of his old house, staring silently at the brick foundation. A tattered 'for sale' sign stood firmly in the unkempt, grassy ground; it was obvious nobody wanted to buy a house some mother was murdered in, whose children were subjected to abuse by her very hand. It looked exactly like how he remembered it, exactly how it was when he saw it last, except abandoned. Empty.

He began to walk towards the house, careful to not bring too much attention to himself or look suspicious as he walked around the side, eyeing a way in. A hint of reluctance set in, his natural instincts telling him to get away. His mind associated this place as a place he'd only be harmed at; but at the same time, it was the only source of comfort. The flat he lived in wasn't home, it was his brothers. It was unfamiliar. Sure, he'd been awake for a couple months now, but he never felt settled. Maybe he never would- maybe the threat of harm would always linger over him.

After some intense searching in the darkness, he spotted that the kitchen window had been smashed in, a small hole about the size of his fist had been made - probably by some rogue ball. Raising his foot upwards he kicked at the flimsy window, flinching at the rather loud sound of the glass smashing at the mercy of his foot. Staying silent for a few seconds, making sure no neighbors had emerged to check out the noise, he kicked at any of the jagged edges that may cut him and carefully climbed through, earning only a couple of small pinpricks on his hands at the effort. He pushed himself off the counter he'd climbed from the window onto and quietly lowered himself to the tiled floor.

The familiarity of the place kicked in and he sunk to the floor, his back against the wooden cabinet. It was _home_ to him. All he'd ever known. All of their old furniture was still here; it didn't seem like a soul had touched it, apart from the trinkets and important items that Sora had obviously taken. The real estate people, or whoever had taken ownership of the house, clearly didn't see the house was worth it to sell since they hadn't even bothered to make it look appealing or clean it up.

When he looked around, he didn't see a dishwasher; he saw the place where Luna had bashed his head against the machine's door and the wooden panel relentlessly. Kitchen cupboards too. He didn't see a dirty floor; he saw a floor that he'd been sprawled out on too much to be real, tainted by his blood too much for him to even be there, imagining it all as it was fresh in his mind.

Roxas pulled himself upwards onto shaky legs, his hand gripping the counter tightly. He sighed deeply, trying to push the memories from his mind to no avail. The place almost felt haunting with how empty and cold it was, and that only escalated at the thought that Luna had died not ten feet from where he was standing.

* * *

Since Riku was the only one _not_ drunk or hungover, he was left to do the driving while Axel, Sora, and Namine sat in the backseat, albeit awkwardly, with Kairi in the front. The redheaded girl was slumped against the window, half asleep, while for the three in the back it was anything but; Namine fidgeted with the hem of her jumper, looking frantically out the window for any sign of Roxas while Sora had his eyes fixed on Axel, who was sitting in the middle seat, glaring.

"This is all your fault!" Sora snapped, disrupting the silence, causing Kairi to abruptly stop snoring and almost fall from her seat, the seatbelt the only thing stopping her from not doing so.

"Don't you think I know that?" Axel glared, baring his teeth. "How was I supposed to know he'd _run away?"_

They'd gone straight to the apartment and seen no sign of Roxas, which was to be expected. Sora was clearly growing angrier by the minute, which only made everyone in the car tenser. Even though Kairi had been asleep she knew better than to rile up the brunette even more, especially when it came to Roxas.

"I-I'm sure he's okay," Namine spoke up nervously, causing Sora's glare to be directed at her instead, though it softened when he realized who he'd guided his anger at. "Maybe he just needed some time to think to himself? Clear his head?"

Riku cleared his throat, causing the attention of everyone in the car to be diverted to him. "I think I have an idea of where that idiot went."

* * *

The blonde pulled aside the dusty old rug in the corner of his former bedroom, one which led to a creaky loose floorboard. He was the only one who knew of its existence and he'd often put stuff in there to hide away from Luna; she was stealthy when she wasn't shit-faced drunk.

The first thing he noticed when he pulled the floorboard aside was an old photo book resting on the top of junk- he'd managed to take it years ago when Luna was passed out. Neither of them was ever allowed to touch the photos she'd had. She became so possessive when either of them went near - it was frightening to them both.

He sat into a cross-legged position, up against the wall, opening the book in between his legs. It felt rough underneath his fingers, its spine almost crumbled away; he opened it carefully, flipping through the tattered pages. Pictures of him and Sora crawling around the garden reflected at him, them playing with Luna, who actually looked happy, smiling. The two joyful twins playing with their food instead of eating it- general things kids _should_ be doing. All he remembered was the bad. What happened for Luna to make her go from a mother to an abusive waste of breath?

As he flipped through the photos, it began to hold fewer photos of Roxas, and more of Sora- the ones that did feature the blonde, he looked more and more sunken and miserable as the photos went on. One of them was a photo of the first time the brunette walked; Roxas was in the background, a large bruise under his eye. Tears beginning to brew, he threw the book at the wall causing a loud thud to break through the silence, the book collapsing as it did so. Photos littered around the floor but he didn't take notice. He didn't want to look at them - he didn't want to see himself just getting more depressed, he didn't want reminders of the marks that littered his body at such a young age, some which still featured. He didn't want to go through all of that again.

Moving towards the hidden space again, he rummaged through the various items before his finger hit something sharp, his hand instantly recoiling away from the sudden pain. Glancing down he could just make out through the darkness that his finger had skimmed the knife he'd forgotten he'd put in there, a small red bead of blood appearing on the tip of his finger. He put said finger in his mouth, licking away the blood before picking up the knife, inspecting at the blade as it reflected in the minuscule amount of moonlight. The memory of how he'd gotten the knife came back to him and he frowned, pursing his lips.

_"You." She kicked his abdomen, causing a shooting pain to run through his stomach. He coughed, wrapping his hands around his head to protect any blows. It was pointless trying to make her stop. "Fucking." She used her heel to flip him on his back, putting her weight on one leg and forcing that onto the top of his stomach. "Asshole."_

_She pulled him upwards by his hair, forcing him to open his eyes, hers not leaving his troubled face. They looked clouded over, however. "Why? Why did you do it?!" She spat, throwing him to the floor._

_Roxas struggled to stand up, opting to rest on his forearms instead as he wiped his face free of residue. "Do what?" Luna diverted her attention away from him, beginning to pace up and down._

" _Oh, you know what you did. You-" Her head snapped upwards and she strode off to the kitchen. The blonde grabbed the wooden banister of the stairs he was near and hoisted himself upwards, groaning at the pain running through his body. As he began to walk up the stairs, she reappeared, a familiar knife in hand. A large one, at that. His eyes widened in fear but it quickly turned into a glare. Sora was out; he wouldn't let his brother come back to a bloody mess. Especially when Luna was as hysterical as she was currently being. Whether she'd hit the booze beforehand or not, he didn't know, but he didn't rule the possibility out._

_He fell backward on the stairs and, knowing if it failed, he'd only be more vulnerable made everything tense. Taking a deep breath he grabbed onto the wooden banister beside him and kicked at her stomach, right as she was inching towards him. Luckily, his feet struck, and she was sent sprawling backward, tripping onto the floor as she fell from a few steps upwards. Roxas rushed upwards to tackle her, not giving her an opportunity to gain the upper hand. He tried to grab the knife from her but she struggled, her eyes blazing with anger. Every time he'd pull, she'd tugged back; neither of them realized the severity that they were fighting over a knife until her hold slipped and so did his- while hers fell from the knife, he held on tightly and lost his balance, causing it to fall straight into her arm._

_She shrieked in retaliation, her hands flying to grip her shoulder which was now beginning to drip from the wound and travel down her arm to the carpet. Roxas fell back, knife still in hand which was tinged with blood, a small amount running from the blade to the handle and down his hand. His eyes widened in fear, expecting the worst, but something in her own eyes made him frown, curious. All warnings signs, all instincts were screaming at him but he ignored them, that look reflecting something he knew all too well. All rage was gone from her face; not only did she look like she was in serious pain from the wound, but she looked scared. Really scared. Using one of her arms to continue gripping her shoulder, she used the other one to prop herself upwards and she quickly scrambled herself backward until she hit the wall. The impact caused her to whimper, her eyes staring at nothing. She looked like she was terrified of whatever she was staring at._

_"Luna?" Nothing._

_Roxas stood up, staggering over sideways as a wash of dizziness fell over him. He shook it away, telling himself he'd pushed through worse and bolted upstairs, making his way to one of the various cupboards. Mumbling to himself, mainly curses and questioning why he was doing what he was doing, he rummaged around until he found an emergency medical kit- he pulled it out, checking it hadn't been used by Sora before and made his way downstairs to the one person he'd never thought would get into a situation like this; not before stashing the knife away, that was. Roxas had a nagging feeling that this incident wouldn't change much._

_Cautiously kneeling down next to her, he carefully removed her hand from her bleeding shoulder and felt no resistance. She didn't struggle against his touch or try to lash out at him. She just sat there, her face nothing but a blank slate._

_The blonde started by cleaning up the wound; it didn't look as bad as he originally thought and certainly wouldn't need stitches. He grabbed a gauze and pressed it against her shoulder, wrapping it around until it was firmly in place with just enough pressure to stop the bleeding. Grabbing a clean cloth, he began to clear up the blood on herself and him when she started to sob. A deep, heart wrenching, aching sob._

_Despite everything, in that split second, he wondered more than anything how it all came down to this and almost felt sorry for her._

The knife had been left there since then, stashed and forgotten about. He'd taken it to protect himself if need be - he now had no use for it, but yet...

He looked down at the cut on his finger which had stopped bleeding as soon as he'd licked the wound. Such a small cut, yet it felt sharp, felt like it was deeper... Still brought blood to the surface... Roxas moved the blade so it was resting against his pale wrist, the cold sensation of the metal sending shivers down his spine. Such a sharp tool, yet it could bring so much destruction, so much pain, resting on his scarred wrist. Just one movement, just one cut... The thought swam through his mind, taunting him. _Just one._ Only one.

One...

He moved the knife so the hilt of the knife was pressing into his skin. His hand was shaking; so much confliction ran through his head. To do it or not. People would be so disappointed... Yet it was the _relief,_ it could _help_ him, make everything go away, let all the pain out... Everything could be washed away, replaced with numbness. He could worry about the rest later.

Putting slight pressure downwards, he moved the blade along the lower part of his arm, gasping as it broke the skin, spots of blood appearing from where it had traveled. _Not deep enough._ He could only stare as be began dragging it horizontally along his arm, over and over, deeper and deeper. He could only stare as the blood began to drip. His head felt heavy; was he _crying_? His vision began to blur but he physically couldn't stop. He barely felt the pain on his arm as he created each fresh cut and he was pretty sure he was just deepening the already-made ones. He couldn't see which ones were old or new anymore. Couldn't tell which were scars or fresh. All he could see was red, dark thick red. He began to shake and during a violent slash he dropped the knife, it sliding away from him , leaving a faint trail of blood as it did so. A half scream, half sob left his throat at the loss of the knife but he didn't attempt to pick it up, just slumped from the wall to the floor instead, his head banging against the dirty carpet roughly. It stunk but he didn't take notice. He could feel the blood running from his arm to the carpet, he could feel the thickness where it had coated his arm. He didn't notice. He knew he was losing a lot of blood. He didn't _care._ Heaving sobs came from his frail body as he curled himself into a ball, clutching his arm to his chest. _Just one..._

* * *

_"He's my brother!"_

Axel sighed, raising his fingers to his temple, his eyebrows furrowed in frustration. Ever since Riku had voiced his thoughts that Roxas may have gone to their old home the two had been arguing about him. Axel was stubborn, he knew, but Sora was just as stubborn, meaning they were stuck at crossroads without either of them budging. "I caused him to freak out. I _need to go speak to him!_ "

"He has a point." Riku supplied as he pulled up to the curb of a seemingly abandoned house in the sketchy part of Twilight Town, various waste littering the overgrown garden in front of the structure. His words caused him to gain a harsh glare from Sora though he ignored it with a shake of the head, turning around in his seat to face the redhead. "Although you really _piss me off_ and you're probably the most arrogant, cocky person I've _ever_ met, you need to go sort things out with him yourself."

"Really hit the nail on the head there you know. I'm flattered you can read me so well." He drawled. "I'll be right back. _Promise."_ Axel spoke as he opened the car door, stepping out onto the sidewalk. The place looked old and beaten up, abandoned. Not waiting for the source of his annoyance to reply, he shut the car door, walking towards the house. Yellowed curtains billowed in the slight wind which meant somewhere in the house there was an opening, probably where Roxas had entered- he did attempt to open the front door, though, and to his surprise, it opened without any resistance. He didn't bother closing the door since there really was no evidence of anyone living there. Mismatched furniture showed it was lived in once, yet it looked old, dirty and ruined.

A picture frame caught his eye at the top of an empty cupboard and he walked towards it, gingerly opening the squeaky glass door and pulled it out. Inside the metal picture frame was a photo of a couple; neither of the two he recognized, yet the brunette man looked familiar. A closer look led him to realize that the man had a close resemblance to Sora, yet he had a slightly more angled face and his hair wasn't so wild. He had a large grin plastered on his face and his arm was wrapped around the shorter one, a woman. She had a matching smile, her blonde, curly hair flowing in the wind, an expensive-looking silver necklace resting against her chest. They looked happy.

"That's our parents."

Axel dropped the frame in shock at the sudden voice, barely managing to catch it as he scrambled around to do so. Standing near to him was Sora, peering around him to look at the photo. He had a soft expression on his face, almost mournful. It was clear, unlike his brother, he cared for his mother.

"Do you know what happened to them?" Sora looked up from the photo to his face, no hint of anger like he had not ten minutes ago.

"I- Roxas mentioned your mom. He didn't say much, but he said his ex shot her. Is that true?"

Sora raised his eyebrow, clearly surprised. "Yes. Yes, it is."

"Why are you surprised?" Axel was intrigued and his current search for Roxas didn't seem so important anymore. This twin was a lot more forthcoming with information and he had questions he'd been wanting to ask for too long.

"Roxas doesn't share much. Considering he hasn't known you for long, he's told you more than I would have expected. Though, judging by your expression, not enough right?" Sora looked away, a deep sigh showing his reluctance to share anymore. "Our Dad abandoned us, I think. He was never there or spoken about. All we know is his name is Leon. I have books and books full of photos she'd never let us look at, yet I still haven't. I don't know why."

"She?" Axel looked down at the photo. "Her?"

Sora nodded. "Luna. Our Mom. Axel, there's something I need to tell you. I wasn't going to- I thought it would be better to let Roxas tell you if he saw fit, but you deserve to know. To have at least a piece of this stupid fucking puzzle that is _us_."

He put the picture frame down, moving to face the brunette fully. It was obvious it was something serious and by his face, it wasn't something he spoke of often either.

"She... physically, and mentally, abused Roxas."


	7. Does An Apology Make This Better?

_"She... physically, and mentally, abused Roxas."_

Axel stayed silent for a few seconds, partly to take it all in, and mostly because he had no idea _what to say._ What _was_ somebody supposed to say to that sort of news? Obviously, he'd figured that something had gone on in the background, that information was being withheld from him. Being told, _confirmed,_ really made the extent of everything set in, though. There was a clear reason for Roxas' reluctance to open up and now he knew what it was. Part of him wished he didn't.

' _I always knew from the start it was either me or her, somehow.'_

"I think..." He said uneasily, looking away from Sora, instead to the ceiling. To be frank having the brunt of his affection's brother staring at him, gauging his reaction, made him feel nervous. Incredibly nervous. His head was still swimming from all the information he'd had to process, only for more to be piled on top. "I need to go talk to Roxas."

Sora snorted. "Yeah, good luck with that. It would be easier getting information from a wall." When he looked back to the redhead, however, Sora's gaze softened and he bit his lip. Maybe Roxas would open up to Axel. Maybe Axel would be his saving grace. Maybe... he was wishing for too much.

Axel began up the stairs, his shoes creaking on the old floorboards. He heard Sora shuffling around behind him but didn't turn to look; it was almost too worrying that the house was so silent. The air felt murky, thick, and had a general feel of unease to it. He gulped when he arrived at the top of the stairs, cautiously looking around. There was every chance that some homeless person could've found its way inside the house and was ready to gut him.

He shook his head, chuckling to himself. It was unlike him to be so _paranoid_.

He decided to start in the room closest to him, pushing against the door slightly and wincing at the loud creak it made. A quick scan of the room made it clear that the blonde wasn't here, not in the room he was looking in anyway; a yellowed bra discarded on the floor also proved that further and with a cringe he walked out, turning to the door next to the one he'd just searched in. It was already open, the room filled with a meager amount of moonlight which was barely lighting up the room. He walked inside, his foot stepping on something as he did so. He bent down to see what it was and was pleasantly surprised when his fingers latched onto a photograph- an old one at that, yellowed corners decorating the probably once pristine picture.

Axel scanned over the picture and a slight grin he recognized the two that were the brunt of the picture's focus. Roxas had a pile of noodles piled on top of his head, some of which Sora had begun to eat, strands hanging from his mouth. They seemed to be two, maybe three years old. Nothing amiss was in the photo, either. They looked like a pair of happy kids. They looked like _normal_ kids.

Looking away from the photograph he noticed a bunch of other photos was scattered around on the floor; mostly ones of Sora. A few seemed to be like the one he was holding, yet the others concerned him. One that was right next to his foot had the twins, yet older, and the blonde looked tired and bruised, cuts scattered across his face as he played with a ball. He was smiling, yet Axel could see the fear in his eyes as he looked at something past the camera. The person who did that to him. The image made him shudder. What sort of sick mother would do that to her child?

He stood up and looked around the room, almost missing the source of what he was looking for huddled in the dusty corner. His body was curled up into a ball, his face hidden and only showing a bundle of blonde spikes at the top, his hoodie almost covering those too.

"Roxas?" Axel scratched the back of his head, looking away. "Hey, I'm sorry for what I said... I tend to have no filter up here. Which you may have guessed from earlier." He tapped on his head, a slight chuckle emerging from his mouth. When Roxas didn't respond, however, his smile died. Not even a slight movement came from the boy. " _Roxas?"_

Axel moved towards him and only when he was close did he notice the deep crimson blood staining the boy, his arm, and the floor.

" _Sora!"_

* * *

Roxas didn't realize he'd passed out until he felt warm arms pick him up from the cold, hard floor in a mismatched bridal style way. He didn't have to open his eyes to guess who it was; neither Sora or Riku had a strong build and was as tall as Axel was. They also weren't as warm. Or smelt like him. Was it strange that he recognized Axel's smell? It was comforting, like a mix of cigarette smoke and honey. It seemed like a weird mix to him but it worked. He felt like an asshole. Axel had been nothing but nice to him- well, maybe apart from with Namine. Why was he such a dick? His head hurt. Even more when he thought. He just wanted to go back to sleep.

" _What happened? Roxas?!"_

He didn't want to open his eyes. He felt too weak, and probably couldn't even if he wanted to. Not that he did; he didn't want to see their faces. He'd fucked up. Nobody had ever seen him in the aftermath before. All he could feel was a mixture of shame and guilt. He felt naked, having his fresh cuts on show. Blood everywhere- both of them had seen him in his most vulnerable, fucked up state.

" _I-I don't know. I found him like this, laying on the floor-"_

_"Give him to me!"_

A whimper subconsciously fell from his mouth as Axel began to lower him down, probably to his brother; he grabbed a hold of his shirt with shaky hands, pushing his face into the other male's chest to stop him from moving him away. That, and he didn't want to move away from him. Not yet. He could feel Axel tense as he did so, probably not expecting that kind of reaction. All he wanted was to stay in Axel's arms, nice and warm, and _sleep._

He couldn't stay conscious long enough to hear how his brother reacted, though his hands kept firmly latched onto Axel's shirt even in sleep.

* * *

Axel looked up from the passed out boy in his arms to his brother, who had a mixture of surprise, hurt, and confusion on his face. He seemed unsure of whether to move towards Roxas or not, who was still buried in his shirt, his hands clutched so tightly it was like his life depended on it. He took a moment to assess his condition; sure, Roxas never seemed to be the sort of person to overly care about his physical appearance but he looked dreadful. His eyes were puffy and red, blonde hair hanging limply against his face as the spikes lost their momentum. His lip looked swollen and had a tooth-mark gash centered in the middle, probably from biting his lip too hard. One of the arms that were clasping his shirt was covered in blood, though most of it seemed dried. The new gashes on his arms, standing out like a sore thumb, hurt him to look at. It hurt him to think about Roxas, sitting here, _hurting himself..._ because of him. It was _his_ fault.

"We need to get him to a hospital." Axel narrowed his eyes, slightly annoyed at the fact Sora didn't seem to be worried about the blonde's condition. The words seem to snap him out of his thought-filled daze and he shook his head roughly.

"No."

" _No?_ What the hell do you mean _no?"_ The redhead clenched his teeth, holding the boy closer to him. "If you haven't fucking noticed he's lost a lot of blood! And _passing out_ is not a good sign, for God's sake!"

" _No,"_ Sora walked from the dingy room to the stairs, not bothering to check to see if the redhead was following him with his brother. Axel followed anyway, trying to be as still as he could while moving quickly after Sora. "Because he wouldn't want that. Plus, they were going to send him to an _institute_ after the attempt. Please, Axel, I _can't_ lose him again."

"... _Attempt_?" Axel stilled as they reached the front door, Roxas' feet dangling as he abruptly stopped. Sora turned to face him, his expression falling into one of pity and remorse at the sight of the redhead's dumbfounded expression.

"...You don't know, do you?"

"Know _what?"_

"Axel, the reason why Roxas was in a coma." Sora sighed deeply, scratching his head. "Was because he tried to kill himself."

* * *

The first thing Roxas noticed when he woke up was the absence of Axel.

The second was that his arms were _very_ tightly wrapped in bandages.

He groaned slightly as he used his arms to prop himself up, wincing at the stiffness of his limbs and sting as the bandages shifted slightly. A glance at the bedside table saw his phone resting there, untouched. He laid back down onto the soft pillows, grabbing the phone off the side and instantly hastily covering his eyes with his arms at the brightness of his screen, the darkness of his bedroom not helping in the slightest. When his eyes adjusted it was blank, albeit from a few missed calls from Sora and Axel an hour after he ran off from him. Nothing else. Roxas felt slightly dejected at the fact Axel hadn't tried to get into contact with him, becoming increasingly worried. What if he'd scared him off?

He opened up Axel's contact, his fingers hovering over the keyboard. What was he supposed to say? ' _Hey man, hope me slashing my wrists didn't scare you off. Oh, and I may also be developing feelings for you!'_

He scratched that last part. He didn't really know _what_ he felt for Axel.

In the end, he just settled with an ' _I'm sorry.'_ and threw his phone onto the free side of his bed, groaning yet again in annoyance. Since when did he care? He _didn't._ But... he did. Really. He didn't _w_ _ant_ to.

Either way sitting around and moping weren't going to help. With a sigh he hoisted himself upwards, his bare feet coming into contact with the cold floor. He grabbed a sweater and pulled it over his head gingerly, not bothering about trousers as Sora must have changed him before bed. _Or Axel._ His cheeks reddened at the thought.

He padded over to the door, pushing it open with a creak. At the sound Sora warily opened his eyes and blinked a couple times, registering the person that was causing the noise; he rubbed his eyes, moving so he was sitting against the back of the couch rather than laying. "Hey, Roxas."

Roxas didn't reply. Rather, he sat next to Sora, resting his head against his brother's shoulder. An unspoken silence passed through them before Roxas mumbled, arising Sora's attention. He made an ' _hmm?'_ sound, clearly not having heard the words that the blonde had spoken.

"...I'm sorry." His voice sounded more regretful and mournful than he intended but at least he'd gotten his point across. He almost fell face-first into the sofa when the brunette swiftly moved to face him, his expression completely and utterly _sad._ Roxas wondered in that moment that if he looked anything like that when he was in a coma he wasn't surprised Riku had been kinda pissed at him. Well, a _lot_ pissed at him. He hated making his brother sad. He was always the one protecting him,being there for him, holding him when he cried. Even if he felt like crying himself. So the sight of his brother with _that_ expression on his face, well - it hurt.

"I'm sorry too." Sora looked downwards, his eyes glancing to Roxas' bandaged arms.

" _What?"_ Roxas hissed, ignoring the stare and the self-consciousness that came with it. Instead, he took Sora's hands in his own and blue eyes locked onto blue- sadness pictured in each, though the brunette was close to crying. "You have no reason to be sorry. You're not at fault here. _Or_ Axel. I slipped up and I'm sorry. For everything."

Before Sora could interrupt, his mouth opening to argue his side, Roxas put his hand upwards, a motion of _I'm not done._ Sora closed his mouth, halting whatever he was preparing to say, his eyes welling up slightly.

"I put you through so much s _hit._ You had to sit there and watch me, for over a _year,_ not getting any better. Wondering every day whether I'll wake up or not. I'm so sorry for putting you through that pain. I really am." Roxas sighed, putting his head in his hands. "I never think of anybody else..."

"Stop apologizing." Sora giggled, his voice wavering slightly. He wiped his eyes with his sleeve, small tears falling despite his efforts. "Now look what you've made me do!"

"Sorry." He laughed himself at the realization of the fact he apologized again. "Please don't blame yourself, Sora. Get angry, upset, whatever; just don't direct it at yourself."

"On one condition." The brunette sat up straight, his face full of seriousness. Roxas frowned, egging him to continue. "You _try."_

"Try what?" He questioned, his face evident of the fact he didn't know what his brother was referencing.

"Try and get better. Try and open up. Try and go to therapy- and _don't_ lie to me, Arieth told me you haven't attended the last few sessions and had only been to one. I had to make up a bullshit excuse that you were busy."

Roxas nodded. sighing. "Okay."

"Your next session is scheduled to be today- you feel up to it?" Sora asked cautiously, probably referencing the night before. His face seemed slightly brighter than before, though, probably because of their talk, so he complied. Keeping his brother happy was his main priority.

"As much as I'll ever be."

* * *

"I'm... really glad you decided to come today, Roxas. Although it is voluntary, I still have to report to social services on how you're holding up." She smiled warmly, her skin creasing slightly at the corners of her eyes. "So, how have you been?"

"Last night, I... relapsed." The words came out before he could stop them. It's not like he _wanted_ to keep that fact from her but he wasn't usually so quick to spill everything. The fact he did surprised him and Aerith must have noticed too for she raised an eyebrow, crossing her hands on her lap.

"What triggered this relapse?" Roxas looked down, surprise evident on his face at the question. He'd partly expected a mouthful of curses and an earful of reasons why he shouldn't have done it. She didn't seem angry at all.

The brunette sighed, slightly moving in her chair. "Relapsing is a part of recovery, Roxas. Sure, you hadn't done it in over a year and a half, correct?" He nodded. "But to you, it _wasn't_ that long. You're still struggling with urges fresh in your mind and it's not going to be gone overnight."

"You're not..." Roxas looked up into her teal eyes, a smile forming on her face, egging him on. "Mad?"

"Why would I be mad?" She shook her head. "You're trying, and that pleases me to see. Although you may not see it you've improved since you came last, that first time I saw you.

"I don't know what pushed you to open up more but I'm glad, both for your and Sora's sake. You've still got a long way to go but you've taken your first step. You're willing to talk about _something."_

Roxas smiled, only a slight tug of the mouth but she caught it, a similar smile appearing.

"So... What triggered the relapse, Roxas?"

"I... Somebody visited me, a lot, while I was in the coma." She frowned, not understanding the small tidbit that he'd shared, though he continued. "A guy. He kept me company; I began to long to hear his voice, wait for him to visit so I wouldn't be alone with only my mind to keep me company. It was nice." Roxas scratched the back of his neck. "A couple weeks after I woke up, I met him. His brother owns the bar where Sora works, and he happened to come in with his brother."

"I met him, and he turned out to be the cockiest, egotistical, asshole of a guy I'd ever met. He wasn't that person that visited me in the hospital, the one that seemed sweet. No, he... he wasn't. And then..."

"What happened?"

"I told him about Hayner. And... Luna. Not.. _that,_ just that she was a shit parent." Roxas chuckled. "I told him that I didn't know why I was telling him because," he made the motions of quotations with his fingers, "' _why would you care anyway?'_ And he pulled me onto his lap and told me he did care. Because he liked me."

Aerith bit her lip, seemingly in thought. "Liked?"

"Yeah. _Liked._ As in more than a friend."

"No, I mean... Why are you using past tense, Roxas?"

"Because," a desperate laughing sound escaped his lips, "I freaked out and ran. To my old house, that _hellhole,_ found a _knife_ and I'm sure you can guess the rest. Axel found me in a bloody mess."

"How do you know this changes things between you two?"

"Why would he still w _ant_ to be with me after seeing that?" He recoiled after the words left his lips, falling back into the chair he'd almost jumped out of as he started to become overrun by his emotions. He'd said it like... he _wanted_ a relationship with Axel, and that the Roxas was the one with unrequited feelings.

But he didn't want a relationship with him. He didn't like him and barely as a friend!

But.. what if he did?

His mind flashed back to those times while he was in the coma. He'd looked forward to Axel's visit more than he did Sora's, eventually. He'd memorized every part and pitch of his voice and was able to tell _exactly_ what mood he was in just by the tone. He knew how Axel's voice deepened slightly when he chuckled and laughed and when he was talking about something he was passionate about he'd get lost in his words, his voice often trailing off into a whisper. He knew his hands were slightly rough yet soft, how his hand had molded perfectly into Roxas' whenever he held his hand while he was in the hospital.

Roxas knew that whenever he touched Roxas' arm his voice would sound slightly sad. He'd trace the outlines of the cuts, sighing as he did so.

' _You have a lot of battle scars kid... I hope one day I can help heal them all."_

He knew. Even when he was in the coma Axel knew he was messed up. He knew that it wouldn't be easy when, or _if,_ Roxas woke up. He knew he'd have to be there, he'd have to put up with all that _shit._

So why was he such an ass?

Scratch that. When he _really_ thought about it, other than the Namine incident Axel hadn't gone out of his way to be rude. Cocky, sure, but..

Why was _he_ such an ass? To Axel?

When he'd woken up from that nightmare in the club he'd woken to Axel's concerned face. He'd teased him, sure, but he'd looked worried the whole time. He'd called him cute and made him blush. He'd been open with him, telling him about Reno's cancer and how he was basically an orphan. They'd interacted more and more as the weeks went by yet Roxas hadn't told the redhead _anything._ Nothing about the flashbacks, the coma, nothing. He knew that Axel knew something was up.

He chose to ignore it.

Yet Axel still stayed. Still tried to grab his attention. Was still... there.

Still there with his smile as wide as he imagined it would be. Still there with his voice that deepened whenever he talked about something serious or seemed concerned. Still there with those eyes that seemed to reach into him, like he knew when smiles were fake and knew when Roxas was _not_ okay. Yet he just pushed him away. Rejected his advances. Treated him as a nuisance rather than somebody that had clearly shown he wanted to stay. Axel couldn't have made it any clearer that he liked him yet Roxas panicked. As always.

He hadn't had an answer from Aerith- or maybe he did, he just wasn't listening, clearly too deep in thought. He didn't look up at her, though, his mind reeling from too many thoughts.

Roxas pulled out his phone, staring at the blank screen. Still no reply from Axel.

And that's when he truly realized he was starting to fall for the damn redhead.


	8. It's Always Appropriate To Shout Out The Wrong Name During a Blowjob

"Roxas?"

He sharply looked upwards at the source of the voice, slightly dazed from his thoughts. Aerith was at the exact same place she'd been moments earlier, an expectant look on her face- though she seemed concerned. "Are you okay?"

Roxas nodded, letting out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. "Do you think we could end the session early? I need some air..."

With a heavy amount of hesitation she nodded, her bangs moving across her forehead as she did so. "If you feel the need to talk to someone, don't hesitate to call." She caught his arm as he rushed to walk out the door, mixed expressions evident on her face as he turned to see why she stopped him. Aerith took a few seconds to reply, probably stunned at his sudden change in demeanor.

"Are you _sure_ you're going to be okay?" Her eyes seemed to plead him to stay but he really didn't want to. He didn't want to stay and _talk._ His head felt like it was all over the place and the last thing he wanted to do was vent his thoughts about it- especially with the new-found feelings he realized he'd gained. Feelings he shouldn't have. Roxas shook his head, walking from the door and not bothering to close it, not bothering to say another word or explain himself further. He didn't check to see if she was following but really hoped she wasn't.

He didn't stop until he was outside, the sky turning into a dusky twilight as the streetlamps began to turn on, one by one, illuminating the spaces that were starting to turn dark. The streets were empty, luckily. Roxas sucked in a deep breath, shakily exhaling as he leaned against the brick wall, his palms scraping against the rough texture. He pulled out his phone, almost dropping it in the process-cursing a few times as he did so. After a few attempts he pulled up Axel's number, the unanswered text making him feel worse. It seemed to stand out like a sore thumb- _no reply. None at all. Nothing._ Flashing the fact in his face.

' _Axel?'_

After a few seconds of staring at the illuminated screen after sending the message he added another, fingers tapping the keys clumsily. He sent it without hesitation.

_'Are you ignoring me?'_

He shook his head of the confused thoughts and feelings. He still didn't know exactly what he felt towards him. Or maybe he just didn't want to admit it... Yet he knew he needed to talk to Axel, needed to clear things up after that night. What was the point of trying to figure out what he felt if he never wanted to talk to him again? Never wanted to see him again?

But what if he'd ruined things before they'd even started? He tried to convince himself that Axel was just busy but his gut told him otherwise. Axel had finally gave up, clearly. Didn't want to deal with him and his mess anymore. No matter how much he tried to convince himself he was okay- he wasn't. Maybe Axel realized that.

The fact stung him, his eyes beginning to water. He wiped them roughly with the back of his hands, pushing the feelings down and ignoring them- the thing he did best. He'd just have to put the thought of him away, bury it down deep behind everything else. If Axel didn't want to be around him anymore, fine. That would just make getting rid of the feelings easier. He hated how he was so weak to let Axel affect him like he did.

He looked up at the various cars parked outside the centre. Sora was meant to be picking him up afterwards and there wasn't that long left of his original hour-long session anyway- there was no doubt Aerith or somebody else had notified him that it had ended early. He... he didn't want to talk to anyone right now. He just wanted to get away for a little bit.

Looking down at his phone he contemplated who to ring for a few seconds before dialing a number he didn't use too often. As it began to call he put his head against the brick wall- a little too roughly, causing him to wince. The owner picked up within a few rings- a gruff, professional sounding voice spoke a simple ' _Hello. Calling?'_

"Hey. It's Roxas. Are you busy?" The reply was instantaneous.

" _Never for you."_

"Can you come pick me up? I'm near the Pines Psychiatric centre... West Twilight Town."

" _Of course. Give me-"_

 _"_ Be quick. Please." He didn't give him enough time to continue but he was sure Sora would come soon and would probably question him endlessly. He stood up, wiping his trousers of dirt and debris from the floor. He'd pick him up and he wouldn't have time to think or deal with any of it. He wouldn't have to.

" _I'll be right there. But you owe me..."_

The dial tone clicked seconds after his last word, leaving Roxas unable to reply. A distraction seemed really good right now.

* * *

Five minutes later with still no sign from Sora, gladly, the blonde headed to the expensive-looking car that had just pulled up against the kerb. He didn't have to check who the driver was- the car was familiar, even if he never saw it often. The completely blacked-out windows against the sleek black frame of the car just added to that familiarity. Not every person was that reckless to drive illegally just because the windows were too dark.

He didn't glance upwards to look at the male as he opened the door, just climbed in and slammed the door shut with a heavy sigh, resting his head against the back of the seat. He felt eyes on him but he didn't turn to face the figure in the driver's seat- he liked the brief silence. They sat like that for a few blissful minutes before a car pulled up near to them, the loud rumble of the exhaust alerting him to the fact.

"Your brother's just pulled up. Does that have anything to do with why you called?"

Roxas shot his eyes open, looking out of the window to see his brother getting out of Riku's car, just as he said. He turned to the male next to him, a smirk on his face that traveled to his piercing orange eyes.

"Just drive. Please." He groaned, feeling bad at the fact he was technically ditching his brother- well, he pretty much was. Roxas felt pitiful at his reasoning- to be frank, he didn't have one. He just didn't want to talk to anyone. Just wanted a few hours to get away from _everyone._ Including himself.

"As you wish." With that he turned his attention to the road and drove, speeding through the roads until he got to his house, tucked away in some hidden hills- normally it would be a good fifteen minute drive from where he'd picked him up from but they got there in barely any time at all due to Xemnas' love to drive fast. He got his kicks from evading police and reaching the fastest speed his car would go-which was pretty damn fast. It was thrill-seeking, he claimed. Roxas had to agree when he got caught in a chase once.

And before he knew it they'd arrived at his place, the car door opening pulling him out from his thoughts. It was a cozy house, nestled in a load of trees and had plenty of privacy. How Xemnas could afford it he didn't know- he never questioned it. How he got all his money was his own business- and he was pretty sure it wasn't because he worked in an office or some lame job like that.

"You coming?" Xemnas was standing outside the car, his arms crossed, face void of expression though he had a slight frown at Roxas' reluctance to follow. It wasn't like he didn't want to go with him- he was just spacing out more than usual. He got out the car without a word, following Xemnas to the house, an unspoken silence settling in-between the two. The silver-haired male unlocked the door and stepped in, putting his keys softly down on a counter as he did so.

"You... look like you need a drink." He smirked, walking to the kitchen. Roxas ran his hands through his hair as he followed, groaning.

"Is it that obvious?"

Xemnas only replied with a chuckle, pulling out two whiskey glasses from a cupboard. He set them down with a clunk, pouring a mystery liquid that he grabbed out from a different cupboard into them. He held one out to Roxas; the blonde took it without hesitation and downed it, not bothering to ask what was in it. He didn't care in all honesty. He trusted him just enough to not drug him or anything like that- he never had to before to get his fix.

"Want a shoulder to rant to?"

Roxas scoffed. "I believe the term is 'a shoulder to _cry on.'_ Plus, you don't really peg me as the sort of person to go for that sort of thing. Not that I'd accept, anyway. I'm _fine."_

"If you say so." He smiled, a small crack of the lips. "So, what _do_ you want?"

"Is it that hard to guess?" Roxas put down the empty glass on the counter, walking over to Xemnas. He took the glass from him and put that down too, raising his eyebrow. The male just stood there, his smile growing. "And here I thought you were _smart."_

Roxas was the one to make the first move, moving to the tips of his toes and forcing their lips together, shutting his eyes as he did so. Xemnas raised his hands to weave them through his blonde hair while Roxas grabbed onto his shoulders and hoisted himself up so he was straddling Xemnas' waist, the taller male's hands cupping his lower region to keep him supported. Roxas moved his arms so they were resting on the other male's chest- he began to move under his shirt as he started walking, probably to his bedroom. He was pleasantly surprised when his back instantly met the texture of a couch- obviously Xemnas didn't want the hassle of having to walk upstairs. Or maybe he just couldn't wait. Either way, he'd be getting his distraction- which was exactly what he needed. He opened his eyes as the kissing ceased and met lusty amber ones.

Roxas moved so they were eye to eye on the sofa and Xemnas began attacking his neck, sucking on the points he knew would make him tremble- he let him, perfectly content with letting Xemnas carry on with what he was doing. There was no need to rush, no need to get in and out like before. He needed a better distraction than a quick climax and out. He softly moaned and his thoughts flashed to Axel, what his reaction would be to what he was currently doing- he pushed them down, ignored the thought of the redhead. It wasn't cheating in any way, he was free to do as he pleased. He'd probably never hear from him again so there was no point in thinking of his opinion. He'd just get back to doing what he did before, filling into his guilty desires. He'd carry on as if Axel was never even there.

And although he kept telling himself that fact, his mind felt like it was at war. One minute he'd tell himself to forget Axel. The next he'd kick himself for ever thinking he could.

Startling Xemnas he snapped out of his content daze, his neck slightly sore from the marks Xemnas would have been sure to leave and pushed him backward, melding their lips together with a heated frenzy. He snaked his hands over his chest, grabbing the hem of his t-shirt and pulling it over his head, taking no time to suck on the pale skin on his chest. He made his way down to the buttons of his trousers going ever so slowly as to tease him- when he finally began unbuttoning the clothing Xemnas groaned, moving so he could pull off Roxas' sweatshirt. They met in the middle for a kiss, a sloppy one as neither of them were coordinated or focused. His hands brushed over the bandages on the blonde's arm causing a sharp jolt of pain to run over it- he ignored the sensation and kissed him harder, skimming the bottom of his lip with his tongue as to coax him to open his mouth- he did so eagerly, letting Roxas take full dominance. He reminded him slightly of a loyal puppy, doing whatever he was told and just as eager.

He didn't look to see if anyone could see them- which he full well knew they could, since the couch was situated in a way that overlooked the large glass panel in front of the house. He didn't even glance as both of them stripped free of their trousers, their bare skin touching, creating even more of a frenzied friction between the two. He didn't think as Xemnas began to kiss down his neck, his chest, down to his stomach. He moaned as the male skimmed the front of his boxers in his actions, his fingers hooking over the band and slowly pulling them down and off. They ended up somewhere on the floor along with his other clothes.

He gasped as Xemnas took him in his mouth, his tongue working wonders. He'd never experienced something like this before and it certainly was different. Usually it was just him fucking Xemnas and nothing else. The hot sensation quickly began to build in the bottom of his stomach, only increasing as he began to swirl his tongue around.

It wasn't long before he reached his climax, squeezing his eyes shut in ecstasy. His hands gripped the soft material of the couch as he began to whimper, panting breathing filling the silent room accompanied by a loud cry.

"A-Axel!"

* * *

Demyx paced around the abandoned living room, his fingers resting on his chin as he let himself be lost in thought. Sora and Riku were currently out looking for Roxas who had seemingly disappeared after his therapy session, causing everyone to panic in a frenzy. He was left waiting at their apartment just in case the idiot decided to show up. Nobody had heard a word from him even through countless times of trying to contact him and although Sora said it used to happen often, it still worried them all. Due to patient confidentiality his therapist, the one he shared jointly with Sora, spoke that she couldn't delve into the details of what they talked about- all she said was that he seemed stressed and left early in a hurry. That didn't help the hysterics that the worried boy had been in.

He'd tried to talk to Axel but he was shutting him out. He had a hunch that it was related to Roxas' disappearance and it only concerned him further as to what had happened between the two. He hadn't spoken a word to Axel since they'd gotten back to the house as he left straight to his bedroom and locked his door.

He pulled out his phone, typing a quick text. Maybe he'd get a response this way.

' _Roxas has gone missing.'_

He sighed, putting his head in his hands. He had to admit, Roxas seemed to cause most of the stress they'd currently been in, yet they couldn't blame him. What he'd been through...

He wouldn't wish that on his worst enemy. And he only knew the surface of everything that had happened, only knew the effect it had had on Sora.

He did feel sorry for Axel but the rage overtook. When he'd arrived at the apartment because of a frenzied ' _Roxas' gone!'_ text, Sora was freaking out, tears streaming down his face and Riku regretfully told him the events of the night before and how Axel had found him. Demyx had been working yet Reno let him go, promising he'd take care of the bar.

The last time he'd seen Roxas had been the night that the two had gotten into a fight and he had no idea what had transpired after, leaving him to be shocked when he was told the basics. He knew about the affection Axel had held for the boy but for it all to spiral down like it had...

He had no idea what was running through Axel's head but if he was planning to ditch Roxas, after _that..._ then he wasn't the person he thought he was.

He hadn't yet responded to his text so he sent another, angrily tapping the keys as he did. ' _Don't you even care?'_

The reply came before he could even close the contact, taking him by surprise.

' _Leave me alone Demyx.'_

He frowned. This wasn't the Axel he knew. What the hell?

* * *

Roxas sat outside the balcony of Xemnas' house, his chin resting on his palm as he stared out at the night sky, a few stars littering the dark expanse. Neither of them had spoken about the name he'd uttered out, nor had they continued with their actions. Normally he'd just come, no pun intended, and go. The surprise on the male's face when he realized he wasn't leaving was almost funny.

He heard a clearing of a throat and looked upwards to see the person he was thinking about holding a towel in his hand, outstretching it towards him. He raised an eyebrow.

"Thought you might like a shower." He had a off tone to his voice but that was understandable- He took the towel without a word of thanks and headed off to the bathroom, finding it pretty easy to find even though he'd not really looked around the house before. He shut and locked the door behind him and noticed Xemnas had collected his clothes and placed them in the bathroom, neatly, for him. How _nice._ He faced himself in the mirror, dropping the towel next to his clothes as he did so- and recoiled. He looked like _shit._ His hair was messed up and sticking in random directions, the longer spikes sticking to his neck- dark bags hung under his eyes and he had a sweat induced sheen to his face that was completely unflattering. Dark purple hickeys littered his neck and as he moved his shirt he realized they covered his front too- they were going to be hard to cover up.

Roxas bent down to uncover his phone from his trouser pocket- as he pulled it out he noticed he'd had a lot of calls and texts. He scrolled through them, surprised at the amount. _Sora, Riku,_ even _Demyx-_ yet no Axel. Not a word back from him. With a sigh he threw his phone back to where his clothes were, pulling the shirt he'd borrowed from Xemnas off leaving him in a matching pair of sweatpants. Taking those off too he stepped into the shower, turning it up to the maximum heat and closing his eyes as he relished in the temperature. He ignored the fact the water as seeping through his bandages- at worst he'd just find something to replace them. The water stung against the sensitive parts of his skin, irritating the bruised flesh. Xemnas liked to make his mark, clearly.

Roxas stayed under the steady stream of the shower for a good half an hour before he turned it off, stepping out of the shower into the cool air. He picked up the towel and wrapped it around his waist, not bothering to dry his hair- he rummaged around the cabinets and found a bunch of bandages and, conveniently, a rubber band on the shelf. He tied his hair back at the base of his neck and unwound the bandages around his arm, the soggy, bloodstained fabric falling into the sink.

His arm looked worse than he expected. Everything was pink and red, jagged cuts seeping from his skin to his flesh. The places that didn't have deep, long cuts had a purple hue, most probably caused by the assault on his arm- it didn't look pretty. Using some balled up tissue he gently cleaned around the cuts and replaced the bandages, feeling slightly fresher. Although he still felt tired- it being nearly three in the morning- he wasn't in the mood to sleep.

Pulling on his own clothes he grabbed his phone, checking it again- he didn't know why as he knew there would be no response. There was a few missed calls from Sora but nothing else- he put the phone back in his pocket, grabbing the towel and stepping out of the room. Xemnas was laying on the bed as he exited, his hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling.

"Thanks. For the shower." He awkwardly spoke, putting the folded up towel in a dirty clothes hamper next to the bed. "I hope you don't mind but I borrowed some of the bandages in the bathroom. Kinda needed to replace the ones I had on."

When he turned around he noticed Xemnas had moved from the bed to his side, his eyes filled with... Lust? Maybe. He cupped Roxas chin so he was looking upwards, directly into his eyes.

"Stay."

He moved downwards and captured the blonde's lips in his own, pulling Roxas into a soft kiss that took him by complete surprise. So he did, and let himself get lost in the male yet again for another night.

* * *

" _Let me drive you home."_

Xemnas was being abnormally kind, which was... strange. He took him up on the offer though- it was about a half an hour walk back to the apartment and he'd barely had any sleep. Barely had anything to eat, either. So there he was, at noon the next day, covered in hickeys, bruises and tired beyond belief. Not to mention worried about the lecture he would be getting from Sora.

He walked up the steps, arriving at the front door. He braced himself for a few moments, feeling slightly self-conscious before pulling out his key, unlocking the door. The action, along with actually opening it, felt like the loudest and longest thing he'd ever had to do. Roxas was met with three sets of eyes when he walked in- Sora's widened, red-rimmed orbs welling up, while Riku's only narrowed. The third, who he figured out to be Demyx when he glanced at him, looked sad. _Really_ sad.

"Where the hell were you?" Sora jumped out of his seat on the barstool that was situated next to the kitchen counter, his face morphing into a pissed off expression. "We were so worried! We went looki- What the fuck _happened?"_

Roxas followed Sora's gaze- which was centered on his neck. He sighed, looking away.

"Were you... with _Xemnas?!"_

Roxas looked up, anger running through his veins. "It's none of your fucking business!"

He noticed Riku and Demyx were watching them with confused expressions- obviously Sora hadn't blabbed to anyone else. That was new.

"It's my business because you're my _brother!_ You said you were done with him. That you wouldn't see him again." Sora grabbed his hand as he tried to walk away, roughly pulling him back to the spot he was in before.

"Well _too bad."_ He snatched his hand away and stormed off to his bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him.


	9. If She Was So Great, When Did She Turn Into The Psycho Bitch?

Demyx's already evident frown deepened as the brunette stood in the middle of the room, completely frozen, blinking a few times. From shock, maybe. Probably. They were all stunned by what had transpired between the brothers, yet there was one question that egged at his mind-

"Sora, who is Xemnas?" Riku had asked the exact thing Demyx was thinking before he could do himself - with a little more venom that he would have but nevertheless, he was glad he wasn't the only one that was clearly curious. Sora didn't answer his question straightaway, instead choosing to sit down on the couch next to the silver-haired teen and put his head in his hands, sighing dejectedly.

"...Sora?"

"It's not my business to tell." He spoke, his voice barely a murmur, not moving his head to regard the person he was speaking to. While Demyx sat on the armchair silently he noticed Riku ball his hands tightly into fists, his teeth clenching. Uh oh.

"It is when it affects you like this. It is when Roxas goes missing, worries us all then comes back and tries to make you feel guilty, shutting you out yet again! Sora, Who. Is. Xemnas?!"

Demyx flinched. He'd never heard Riku raise his voice or even get even slightly angry before. They'd only interacted a bunch of times- he barely talked whenever they did. The night only a few days ago, which seemed to start all this mess, he'd sat and hardly uttered a word. Demyx had noticed the feelings he held for Sora, though. The slight glances, the affectionate gaze- Riku had almost had a heart attack when the brunette had been dared to kiss Axel. It was the little things that went unnoticed by others that made his feelings clear.

He was the sort of person to sit and observe rather than to fall headfirst into a situation. He was the sort of person to think logically and with his brain, rather than to live life always looking at the silver linings and following his heart. In both of these circumstances Sora was the latter- yet they balanced each other out perfectly. Demyx noticed how the brunette would always lighten up whenever Riku walked into the room or a mention of him was brought into a conversation. Maybe he didn't realize it yet but he could tell Sora had feelings for the male. However deep they were stashed.

Riku had clearly accepted his feelings- he was too open about it to _not._ They were both too blind to see how infuriated they were with each other, both too blind to see they were perfect for each other.

Quite like two other people he knew.

Axel liked Roxas in his own special 'Axel' way. He'd act cocky and passive but he'd watch the blonde like he was made of glass when nobody was looking. His eyes would cloud over in thought, silently contemplating whatever he was thinking before returning to normal seconds later. Axel was never a person to show feelings openly- he and Roxas had that in common.

Which is why it was so unlike him, how he was acting. He wouldn't just cut Roxas off without reason. Sure, he wouldn't show how he felt like an open book but he was never one to play people. Demyx had noticed how he'd been leaving a lot all those months ago- ' _visiting Reno'-_ but he left for too long and too much. He had a feeling he'd met some girl or guy, but he'd never expected the person he'd been seeing was Roxas. He'd never expected... _this._

"When-" Sora started, seemingly at war with himself of what to say. A few moments later he continued, a troubled look settling on his face. "When Roxas was fifteen, he started leaving the house often. It was about eight months before he fell into the coma. I confronted him about where he was going- I was _so_ afraid whenever he'd leave me alone. Mom, she never actually hurt me, physically. I was worried she'd start if Roxas wasn't there. He'd always protect me. Selfish, maybe..."

Riku reached his hand to stroke Sora's cheek affectionately, a comforting move. Sora leaned into his hand, continuing what he was saying. His expression was somber and reluctant yet he still let out what was clearly hard for him to say.

"He told me he was out seeing a friend. But Mom, she'd never let him out to see friends. All of his friends were my friends, really. I didn't believe him, but I let it slide. That was, until..." He bit his lip, glancing to Roxas' door before looking down at his feet again. "He'd come home disheveled at five in the morning after being out all night. Slowly it progressed to become _every_ night. When he came back his hair would be messed up, clothes mismatched, smelling of sweat. Smelling of... _sex."_ Both Riku and Demyx sucked in a breath.

"So I confronted him again. He confessed to me he'd met a man named Xemnas that would help him. He'd distract him, get him to let off some steam. They'd have sex. ' _Emotionless sex. He means nothing.'_ He'd tell me. It got so bad I wouldn't let him leave one night and begged him not to see Xemnas anymore. He agreed. A week later... he tried to kill himself."

Sora closed his eyes and leaned on the back of the couch, probably spent from the emotionally draining information he'd just confessed. Riku sat, still, next to him, clearly not knowing how to react to the information that was being hidden directly under his nose.

Meanwhile, Demyx blanched, realizing why he'd tortured himself all this time, why Sora had been overly worried. He blamed _himself_ for Roxas' attempt.

"Roxas is probably going to kill me now."

Demyx ran a hand through his spiked hair, not glancing away from a random spot of dirt on the floor. He had a feeling Roxas _and_ Sora were tormenting themselves with a lot more than they were letting on.

* * *

"Hey, Roxas?"

A voice surfacing from the door pulled him from his dreams- to which he groaned, trying to force himself to return to sleep. He was having a nice dream- he had dreamt that instead of letting Luna do what she did, Dad came to save them, taking the two twins away to a hot, sunny place where they could forget about all their worries. A dream he'd often had while he was still living with _her._

" _What?"_ He growled, moving to tug the thick blankets further around his body. It didn't help that he'd barely slept in two days and that he'd been worn out almost to exhaustion by Xemnas. Roxas barely had a chance to be pissed at Sora before he'd stripped and climbed into bed, slipping off into unconsciousness. Who knew sex could be so exhausting.

"O-oh, um..." The tone of his voice displayed that he seemed shocked at the outburst, probably thinking it was because of what had happened a few hours previous. It was the opposite, really. He couldn't care less if Sora knew; his brother was a hothead and would only calm down a few hours later, muttering apologies. "Can I come in?"

His voice was barely a mumble but Roxas still managed to hear through the door. "Sure."

Rubbing his eyes he moved to grab his phone off the side of the bed as the door creaked open. Yet again, the phone displayed nothing. He wondered if Axel even knew he'd been gone for nearly a day. He wondered what his reaction might be if he knew what he was doing. He wondered if he'd care.

Roxas vaguely remembered storming off into his room around midday- now it was dark, dark enough that the only way he could see was due to the illuminated screen of his phone now that Sora had partially closed the door behind him, letting in a minimal amount of artificial light. Maybe he was asleep more than a couple hours.

"Did I wake you?" Sora asked cautiously, his figure standing awkwardly by the frame of the door. Roxas yawned in response.

"Pretty much." He put his phone back in its rightful place on the bedside table, resting his head back on the pillow and closing his eyes. "What's up?"

"I, um... I'm sorry." He could tell Sora was twiddling his thumbs even with his eyes closed- a nervous tick. "For overreacting."

Roxas sighed. "It's fine, Sor. You had every reason to."

"I just... wish you would have told me, I guess." _Oh yeah, because he'd totally tell his brother he was resuming his fling- if you'd even call it that- with a guy. Not to mention an older guy._

 _"_ Did you need anything else?" He cracked his eyes slightly open only to roll them at Sora's wide eyes that transpired after he spoke. "I'm _tired."_

"I-I made dinner." Roxas' cocked his eyebrow upwards. Sora had a tendency to burn anything he cooked. Even water. "Riku's out- work called him in and he's going to be gone until tomorrow night. Demyx went home awhile ago so it's just me and you. I was wondering if- if we could go shopping for a Christmas tree tomorrow. It'll be Christmas Eve and we haven't gotten one yet. Mom never let us before- not that I can remember anyway. And I never felt like celebrating without you there..."

He was never bothered about Christmas. Another holiday he never experienced- no tree, no decorations, no presents. He didn't mind, not really.

But he never stopped to think... did Sora mind?

He was never the one to worry about getting hurt. Sure, it affected him, but he didn't have the constant worry of doing something wrong and getting punished for it. Doing something _right_ and getting punished for it. He had friends- he had a life. He'd never experienced these things that every other child had, though. Sora had never had a family event of any sort... Sora had never had anything remotely like a normal family.

Which gave him an idea. One he'd have to discuss with Riku when he got back, but an idea that he knew would put the smile back on Sora's face. _Hopefully._

"I'd be happy to."

* * *

And that's how, twelve hours later, Roxas was stuck with the excruciating task of practically dragging the Christmas tree Sora was so excitedly happy to buy. He struggled with the heavy weight of the pine tree across the apartment while Sora trailed not far behind, groaning in pain when he finally set it down in the stump-sized space in a cheap, upright plastic holding. Sora really could convince him to do anything with his overly-large puppy dog eyes.

"Come on Roxy!" He came into view, skipping into the apartment, holding various boxes full of decorations and lights. Not forgetting the tinsel, either. "Let's decorate the Christmas tree!"

Roxas rolled his eyes. "Just give me a second, okay? That thing was _heavy."_ Sora pouted in response, setting the box down near the base. He began pulling out the different colored tinsel, standing on the tips of his toes and wrapping it around the tree. When he'd reached the middle of the tree- he decided he wanted to pick one of the biggest they sold- he looked back at the blonde with a pleading look.

"Help?"

Roxas sighed, standing up in defeat. "What do you need help with?"

"Go get the stool from the kitchen cupboard. I... may have overestimated how tall this tree was..." Sora nervously chuckled. That was an understatement- the ceiling of the apartment was quite high up yet the tree was pushed up against it, the top of the tree curled up sideways from the force. It was a wonder it hadn't snapped under the pressure.

"Idiot." Roxas ruffled his spikes- to Sora's disagreement- and head off to the kitchen. Sora pulled out his phone, smiling as he saw a text from Riku.

' _How are you holding up? I should be back later tonight- work wanted to keep me out here longer but there's no way in hell I'm working on Christmas._

_How's Roxas?'_

"What are you smiling at?" Roxas waggled his eyebrows as he reappeared, setting the stool down next to Sora's feet. He frowned as the blonde began pulling various decorations from the wooden box.

"Why?"

Roxas smiled, moving to hang a few ornaments from the branches. "Oh, nothing. Why are you getting so defensive?"

"I-I'm not!" He stuttered, his cheeks turning a shade of pink. He turned his attention back to the phone, typing in a quick message.

_Fine. We went and bought a Christmas tree today-_

He deleted the text before he had a chance to send it. Sora wanted it to be a surprise- Riku had asked him last year if he wanted to celebrate and buy a tree but he denied, choosing to spend the whole day in the dingy hospital room. Tifa and Cloud had popped in for a few hours, bringing a gift for Sora- the new gaming console he'd had his eye on before the whole incident. He accepted it with gratitude but it sat on a shelf in the attic ever since, collecting dust. He never found the motivation to play it and once he'd finished school he delved straight into full-time work. The thought of using it had never crossed his mind since the hectic time after Roxas awoke.

The silver haired teen stayed the whole day with him in the stale hospital room, saying he could visit his parents another time. The brunette couldn't have been more grateful.

' _We're both good. Let me know when you're on your way back- I'll order a pizza.'_

"Come on Sora, you better not leave me to do this on my own." He looked up from his phone screen to Roxas' unamused face. He was holding out a golden glittery star- one to fit at the top of the tree. "I'll let you do the honors."

Sora excitedly grabbed the ornament- noticing the rest of the decorations had already been put on the tree, bar the twinkling lights- and stood on the stool, just barely being able to reach the top. When he did, though, he stood back, admiring their work. Although the star was fastened at a ninety-degree angle because of the sloped-point, it still brought a smile to Sora's face, making Roxas smile in turn.

"Now it's perfect."

* * *

_"Mummy! Mummy wake up!" Sora giggled, moving to jump up on the squeaky bed to awake the slumbering figure. His hand let go of Roxas' as he did so, leaving the beaming blonde to stand in the middle of the room, waiting for her to wake up too. "Wake up! It's Christmas!"_

_She groaned, her head lifting off her pillow to look at the twins better, her blonde locks falling over her eyes. She rubbed them, pushing the hair back, yawning loudly. Her eyes glanced at the alarm clock next to her and she sighed, a frown making her way to her face. "It's five in the morning, Sora..."_

_"But..." he pouted, his eyes starting to well up with tears. "It's Christmas..."_

_She grinned, shaking her head. "Come on then. Let's see if Santa brought you two anything, yeah?"_

_Both of the boys squealed, running off to the living room, only to squeal louder at the sight in front of them. Dozens of presents of all sizes littered the space under the tree, wrapped nicely and neatly with a bow. Luna entered moments after they did, an oversized t-shirt skimming below her hips. She feigned surprise, moving to sit next to the presents under the tree._

_"Looks like Santa wanted to treat you this year! Let's start with... Roxas?"_

_The small blonde child grinned madly, rushing to sit at her side. He took the box with thanks, hastily unwrapping it- inside was a small teddy bear sealed in a box. Roxas opened the box and hugged the teddy to his chest, relishing in how soft it was._

_"You know you told us you can speak to Santa?" Roxas looked up at his mom, a large, awed smile spreading onto his face. She nodded and he abruptly stood up and wrapped his arms tightly around her neck, closing his eyes as he squeezed. She stiffened at the initial contact but relaxed a moment later, hugging him in return. "Can you give this to him for me?"_

_She grinned as he pulled away, tucking a stray piece of hair behind his ear. "Of course, baby. Now, who wants their next present?"_

* * *

" _Roxas._." His eyes opened despite their protest, his mind still in a dream-filled daze. They'd... experienced Christmas before. He'd completely forgotten and it seemed Sora had too. Roxas was filled with a sense of uneasiness at the memory, recalling his feelings towards Luna in the dream. The feelings of... Love. Previously he'd had no recollection of the time before she started to abuse him, yet... It felt strange. Like a different life, some new feelings that he wasn't sure he liked.

Gladly he couldn't dwell on it any further as Sora pounced on him again, a wide grin evident on his face. He could slightly make out in the darkness that his brother's eyes sparkled slightly- with happiness. He was like a kid again.

"Finally you're up!" He giggled, not moving to sit aside the blonde, rather just suffocating him. "It's Christmas!"

A sense of excitement began to course through him as he was taken back to that day all those years ago. Tiredness forgotten a large grin began to spread on his face, his blue eyes glinting with childish glee.

"Well get off me then! I can't exactly move right now..." Roxas grumbled yet still had a smile tugging at his lips. Sora instantly moved backward, almost falling off the bed in the process. He scratched the back of his head awkwardly as he stood upright, obviously seeing just as well in the darkness as Roxas did.

The blonde shuffled slightly to grab his phone off the bedside table- the display read five in the morning. The same time he'd woken all those years ago, waking up their parent excitedly like any kid would. Maybe even forgotten habits died hard.

"Sorry. Heh..." His eyes widened suddenly, almost in a split second of realization, and he grinned. "Come on, get up and see what I got you!" He giggled and ran out the room. Roxas rubbed his eyes, attempting to remove the tired-induced fog that came from being awake at five in the morning. Which was something he hadn't done in years.

When he emerged from his room he saw Riku at the kitchen counter, eyes closed, chin resting in his palm. His other hand was tightly gripping a steaming coffee cup- he opened his eyes as he entered, giving Roxas a slight smile before taking a sip from the mug, yawning loudly.

"I see you woke Riku up too?" He asked, joining the silver-haired teen in the kitchen for some coffee. He hated the taste, found it revolting- yet he couldn't disagree that it was a good way to wake up. Whether that was from the caffeine or the bitter taste of the beverage he didn't know. He still drank it at times like these regardless.

"Now I'm realizing it might not have been a good idea to introduce Christmas to Sora. Next year I might need to invest in some Chloroform." Riku responded dully. He clearly wasn't a morning person; one of the few things they shared. The brunette ball of hyperactivity pouted from the living room, crossing his arms.

"Why are you both being so meaaaaaaaan..." He complained, glaring daggers at Riku. "It's Christmas!"

"Yes, Sora." Roxas sighed, pouring the instant coffee beans into his cup. "You've mentioned that like ten times already. Give me five minutes and a cup of coffee to wake myself up enough so I can deal with your," he motioned to his brother, waving his hand around, "hyperactivity. Okay?"

Another pout. "But I want to open presents..."

The smell of coffee wafted upwards into his nostrils as he mixed the boiled water and the granules in his cup. Sighing, again, he grabbed the cup as he finished mixing in the milk and sugar and walked over to where Sora was standing, the heat from the beverage warming his slightly chilly hands. "Fine. Come on then." He sat down next to Sora's feet, near the tree. The brunette reacted by jumping up and down on the spot, his hands clasped together in joy. He joined Roxas on the floor, moving to grab a tightly wrapped present from the front of the rather large pile that had formed at the front of the tree.

He silently hoped that Sora hadn't spent too much money on him. He'd only gotten him one, small present as he didn't have much cash to be able to spend on him and was starting to feel guilty at the fact.

"Open this first!" He grinned, thrusting the blue, sparkly, bumpy object towards him. It was neatly wrapped with a gold bow, curled tendrils of ribbon attached from underneath. Looking at Sora nervously he began to unwrap, smiling as he saw what was under the various, excessive sheets of wrapping paper. A globe was nestled in the center of it all, snowflakes dusted with glitter swirling around inside as he picked it up. Two polar bears sat in the middle, one big and one small. The snow globe sat on a plain, blue stand, decorative glitter spreading from the glass to the base in miniature swirls. It vaguely reminded him of a children's book Sora used to read him when they were younger.

"...Thank you, Sora. I love it." He grinned, moving slightly to give Sora their signature handshake. Riku chuckled as they did so, causing them to stop halfway through. Roxas' eyes narrowed.

"What's so funny?" He growled, putting the snow globe on the shelf near to him so he wouldn't accidentally cause it to tip over. Riku shook his head, a smile still evident.

"I just haven't seen you two do that stupid handshake in years. It's... a refreshing sight." He shrugged, moving to put the empty mug in the sink. He made his way to the living room, sitting down on the couch behind the two, yawning again. "Did you really have to wake me up _this_ early?"

"Yes," Sora replied without a moment's thought. He moved to the back of the pile, picking a present wrapped in the same color as Roxas'. "Here's yours!"

While they were busy exchanging presents Roxas shuffled over, closer to the tree, and fished out a small bag that he'd hidden there previously. The fact it was still there proved that Sora had no idea about it- as he knew he'd be compelled to open it at first sight. He was never one to wait patiently if he could have it there and then.

He turned back to his brother and held the miniature bag at arm's length, interrupting the two mid conversation. Riku had a remote-controlled helicopter in his hands while Sora had a remote control car. They were too similar for their own good.

"Here's yours." He spoke, pulling them out of their conversation. Sora looked at him confused, then down to the present, then up to him again.

"You... got me something?" He sounded surprised. Roxas nodded, still holding out the present. The brunette carefully took it from his hands and then gazed at it like it was the eighth wonder of the world- like he'd never seen a present before. He carefully opened the gift bag, pulling out a small navy pouch tied up at the top. With another confused glance at Roxas, he opened it, revealing a silver chain with a silver crown dangling from the end.

"This..." He smiled brilliantly and the next thing he knew Roxas was being tackled by a blur. "Thank you!"

He chuckled nervously, caught off guard by the hug. "So, you like it?"

Sora broke the hug, much to Roxas' relief, and put the chain around his neck. The pendant hung just below the crook between his collarbones, the metal reflecting the light from the overhead ceiling light. He was happy with his purchase, if not a little nervous. He'd found it in a small antique store and he knew it was worth a lot more than what he paid for- which was still quite a lot.

"I love it." He smiled, only to jump when the doorbell rang. They all did. Frowning Riku stood up and walked to the front door, opening it cautiously. Stood at the doorway was Cloud and Tifa, a large grin on the latter's face. Cloud was just... being Cloud. He was surprised he remembered their faces, not having seen them since he was a couple years old- he shrugged it off. The memories he remembered and the ones he didn't were completely random. Who knew what he was blocking out?

"Merry Christmas!" She giggled as she walked in, her high heeled boots clicking against the wooden flooring. Roxas noticed as Cloud walked in that he'd been stuck holding all the presents- which was a _lot._ Roxas rolled his eyes. They seemed to be the sort of people to spoil their younger relatives.

Her eyes found his and she froze, her eyes tearing up. " _Roxas!"_ _Over dramatic much?_

She walked over to him and he stood up abruptly only to have her come face to face with him. He caught a whiff of her perfume- _very_ flowery.

"Gosh, I haven't seen you in years. Awake of course... You look so well compared to the hospital bed..." Her voice trailed off, her happy expression dropping. Roxas shook his head, a silent dismissal. Her hand reached out to his side; she appeared to be in the middle of giving him a hug but her hands stilled, inches away from his skin. Her face seemed torn.

"Give the boy some space Tifa." Cloud grinned. Roxas instantly found him likable- he seemed to have a friendly composure while keeping his distance. Not too touchy, not too pushy.

His mind took him back to Axel in the hospital. Those small touches, comforting him while he was stuck. While he was alone. Axel _was_ a touchy person. Yet weirdly, he didn't mind it...

No. He had to stop thinking of Axel. Clearly, he wanted nothing to do with him. Roxas has to just... move on. He almost laughed at the stupidity. It was like the roles had been reversed between the two and he was powerless to stop it.

"Now..." Tifa grinned, clearly not affected by the time in the morning. She looked flawless either way- Cloud was lucky to have married someone as pretty as her. That being said, he was still pretty gay. "Who wants to open their presents?"


	10. Finally We're Getting Somewhere

"So, how did you get the chance to get this necklace?" Sora asked, the necklace in question dangling from his neck, the metal skimming against his collarbones as it rested just above his chest. Well, more like _attempted_ to ask- his mouth was filled with cake, stray crumbs littering his lips and parts of his cheeks. Specifically, chocolate cake that Tifa had graciously given them the day before, moments after leaving them with their various gifts. Most probably expensive ones, but they didn't complain- the happiness radiating from her face was enough for Roxas to just shut up and suck it up for once, although he hated the idea of much money being spent on him, especially from someone he barely knew. Family, sure, but they'd only met a couple of times.

Yet, like usual, the greedy male had picked the largest slice of cake and stuffed half the bloody thing in his gob. "I never really saw you pop out of the house, without me, to get it. Well, apart from..."

"You know when we went to the mall and you lost all sense when you ran into Kairi and Namine?" Roxas dug his fork into his reasonable-sized slice of cake, the gooey chocolate sauce oozing from the sides. He decided to be less shove-it-all-in-and-probably-choke than his brother was. Sora nodded in reply, his spikes bobbing up and down as he did so. Roxas had to stifle a laugh- the sight along with his chubby cheeks filled with the cake was almost too much to handle. He looked like a child getting a little too up-close-and-personal with his birthday cake, the brown mixture smeared childishly across his face.

"Well me and Namine went off to talk. And afterward-" Roxas began but paused when he saw his brother's usual teasing expression, his eyebrows raised upwards. He was grinning, his mouth now empty, and he gave him a wink. The blonde groaned, his fork clattering against the plate. "You know I'm not into Namine like that..."

"That's only because you're hung up on Axel." Sora rebutted, raising his eyebrow. Roxas spluttered in response, taken aback by the blunt tone of his voice.

"I am not! What makes you think _that?"_ God, was he really? And here he was trying to forget about the idiot...

"It's obvious. You're just denying your feelings!" The brunette laughed, taking another bite of his cake. Roxas' eyes narrowed at his words.

"Oh, you want to talk about denying feelings huh?" He growled. Sora stilled, muttering out a 'huh?'

"You hypocrite. You're the one denying your feelings towards a certain silver haired male that _lives with you!_ And you're too damn naive to see that he _adores you!_ " Roxas shook his head, a slight ounce of regret popping into his mind as he did so. _Oh, no.._ Maybe he was being a _bit_ too defensive.

"What are you talking about?" Sora's eyes were the size of saucers, his mouth hung open as he gaped in shock. "... _Riku_?"

"I- Forget I said anything." Roxas shook his head again in dismissal, continuing to eat his cake as a distraction to shut him up, mainly so he wouldn't blurt out anymore. Even though he knew he'd dug himself a hole that would only become deeper.

"Riku? Riku likes me?" He frowned, tilting his head to the side, blue eyes riddled with confusion, speaking like a child not understanding a simple question. "I... I like Riku?"

Roxas sat silently, resting his head in the palms of his hands. Sure, it was only a matter of time before things came out, yet... He didn't really want to be the one to push it forward. What if it backfired? He found himself beginning to worry about Sora's next move, watching his facial expressions shift. It unnerved him that he couldn't read his emotions, something that would materialize around Luna often.

"I... like Riku." Sora widened his eyes further, grasping Roxas' hands in his own as he beamed a million-watt grin, a sense of relief washing over the blonde at his reaction. "I like Riku!"

Roxas smiled in return, rolling his eyes. Maybe Sora did need a little push. "Took you long enough. Cat's finally out of the bag, eh?"

"What do I do?" Sora expression suddenly looked desperate, his eyes searching his brother's for some sort of clue. "Riku likes _me_. How do I-"

"Sora, calm down." He let a sly smile escape his lips, a brilliant idea coming to mind. "You're too shy to admit your feelings directly, right? So we get him to admit his."

The brunette frowned, shaking his head in confusion. "How do we do that?"

"I have an idea." Roxas grinned widely.

* * *

Riku lazily opened the door to the apartment, sighing loudly as he did so, his exhaustion lowering his mood- and motivation to stay awake for longer than another five minutes. Another long day at work, one that was becoming more stressful as he carried on. He hadn't put himself through a year of expensive law school - one which his parents paid for- and countless jobs just to be put on the lowest level of work he could possibly do. One which came with a _lot_ of stupid, pointless paperwork and running after people with coffee. The trip away, the one before Christmas, was meant to be his big break. When in reality it was nothing more than a fad, a pointless waste of his time that wasn't even paid.

He was starting to feel like it was a waste of time- like he was getting nowhere.

Heading straight for the bedroom he thew his briefcase to the floor, stepping aside from the crumpled garments of clothes scattered across the floor. Riku sighed a heavy sigh before undressing into some casual clothes, rubbing at his sore neck as he did so. He really needed to take some time off- Christmas was his first and only day off in two weeks- apart from the day Sora dragged him to that _sleepover_.

As he emerged from his bedroom he noticed Sora wasn't present; rather just Roxas sitting on the couch, remote in hand as he began flicking through the boring night-time television channels. He muttered a disinterested 'hi' as Riku sat down on the couch tiredly, his head lolling back onto one of the countless pillows- courtesy of Sora. He let his eyes flutter closed, his body starting to relax into the comfortable furniture. Something both his body and himself had been wanting to do all day.

"You alright?"

He reluctantly opened his eyes to see the blonde giving him a weird look, his face etched with concern. He put one of his hands up in a lazy dismissal. "I'm fine."

Roxas scoffed. "Yeah, you sure look it."

Before Riku could reply a peppy, familiar voice called from the kitchen. "Riku, is that you?"

"Yeah, Sor." He croaked out, the tiredness in his voice becoming apparent. Roxas gave him an 'I told you so' look. He flipped him off in return.

"How would you like a Screaming Orgasm?" Sora asked nonchalantly- Riku choked on air, coughing, and spluttering, caught off guard by the question. He sat up straight, unable to think of a coherent reply.

"Or maybe Sex on the Beach, if that's more to your tastes?" The brunette called when he didn't get a reply. Again, Riku was at a loss for words. "Or how about I give you Blue Balls?"

Unknowing to Riku, Roxas chuckled at that one, masking the laughing with his sleeve. He pretended to watch the television while their conversation resumed- the gobsmacked face of Riku was funnier than he'd like to admit.

Sora appeared in the doorway with a drink shaker in his hand. "Well? What do you want?"

"You... You were talking about drinks?" Riku finally stuttered out, his cheeks slightly dusted with pink. Sora rolled his eyes, his hand still holding the shaker outwards.

"Of course, what did you think I was talking about?" Sora innocently fluttered his lashes, his other hand on his hip. "You and your one track mind..."

Riku opened his mouth only to close it again, frowning. "I'm gonna go... for a shower."

As soon as he slipped behind the door Roxas started quietly giggling, causing Sora to do the same, a loud clang signaling that he'd dropped the drink shaker from laughing. _There_ was the Sora he knew.

"Shh, Sora." He said as he began to control his laughing. "If we want this to work, we have to make it believable. He _can't_ know that you know. Okay?"

Sora came into view, nodding, his eyes filled with tears from the amount of laughing. "Looks like the plan was working, though, right?"

Roxas smirked, glancing towards the bathroom door- their talking was slightly muffled by the sound of the shower that had just gone into action. "Oh yes. Did you see his face? "Or how about I give you Blue Balls?" Genius. I didn't know you had it in you, honestly."

"Stop, you'll make me start laughing again." Sora wiped a tear from the edge of his eye, a wide grin on his face. "So... where do I go from here?"

"I have a few ideas." Roxas winked playfully at his brother. "This is going to be a lot easier than I thought."

* * *

The next few days took quite a surprising turn for Riku, leaving Roxas quite distracted from a certain redhead, his thoughts completely filled with how to push the two lovebirds together. When Riku was at work they'd hatch their plan, leaving Roxas to watch and let it all play out when he came home. Some of Sora's antics would leave him trying to suppress a giggle; whether it was a completely small act like sucking a lollipop and seeing Riku's dumbfounded reaction, or just putting his ass in the air a little _too_ much when he bent down to pick up something, leaving Riku like a lost puppy, or an extravagant gesture like the one he did in the kitchen prior. As the days went by Sora began to loosen up, flirting a bit more than before, teasing his affections further.

He could tell Sora was enjoying the attention- he would never outright tell Riku, that much was for sure, so dancing around the subject was something he was clearly more comfortable with. His cheeks would redden whenever he noticed Riku's stare, a smile would widen a little more- seeing his brother happy and enjoying his life, like he should, made him swell up slightly with happiness. It was something he always wanted for him, and the unsure glances and worry in his eyes were gone. Roxas just wished he could completely move on that easy- it was no secret he hated being touched by ninety-nine percent of people he knew and the nightmares always hung around, even though they'd seemed to have been giving him a break recently.

"Hey, Riku?" Roxas spoke as he sat on the couch, cross-legged, as he looked passively through some online job applications on Sora's laptop- he needed to start pulling his weight instead of sitting around all day, at least contributing a bit towards the bills. The other male, who was laying down, his arm draped over his face, shifted slightly so he could regard the blonde- he moved his arm aside to reveal a tired, annoyed, just woken up expression. Sora had gone out about half an hour previous to grab groceries for them all, leaving the two alone in the apartment; a perfect opportunity to ask him something he'd been meaning to for a couple days now. Reno had closed the bar for a few weeks for an unexpected holiday with his new boyfriend, meaning Sora had been at home constantly for over a week, not really knowing what to do with himself. Roxas wanted to keep it a surprise, so any chance he got to ask the other male was slim.

"How would you feel throwing a New Year's party?" Roxas inquired, moving his gaze from the laptop to the silverette, who seemed slightly confused, regarding him with a curious look. "I know it's late notice, seeing it's New Year's Eve in a couple of days, but..."

"Why do you want to throw a _party?_ You don't exactly peg me as that sort of type. Well, that's what I thought, anyway." Riku replied with a playful smirk, leaving Roxas to narrow his eyes, knowing he was referencing Xemnas.

"I was just... Sora's never been to one. It must have been... _restricting,_ being in that house, not quite being scared into submission yet not allowed to have a proper teenage life." Roxas trailed off, eyes becoming glassy as he began to get lost in thought. He snapped out of it as Riku began chuckling, however.

"Wow, you _do_ have a heart. I'm shocked." Riku deadpanned. "Sure, why not. Just don't go overboard- and I'm not helping you. Your party, not mine."

"Amazing, right? I actually care about someone other than myself." He teased, his line of sight returning back to the computer screen, presenting endless pages of jobs that wanted years of experience- and he hadn't even finished school because of the coma. He scoffed, knowing he'd most likely get nowhere, yet he continued regardless. Maybe some old fart would hire a kid without any qualifications and no job experience _somewhere_.

"Know anyone that would want to come? I was thinking of getting the whole gang back together." He looked back up as he spoke and saw Riku giving him a somber look; he froze, gazing downwards. "Well, apart from Hayner.."

"What, the idiots from work?" Riku laughed a deep laugh, moving to lie on his back again after he tossed an object at Roxas. When he clumsily caught it he realized it was a phone; he looked at Riku curiously. "My phone, dumbass. Kairi, Namine, Olette, Pence... all their numbers are in there. Don't count on them all coming, though."

Roxas voiced his thanks before pulling out his phone, typing in the numbers and calling them one by one. He was determined to make it special, at least even a little, for Sora.

He was met with the dial tone for a few seconds before a chirpy voice picked up, faint background noises cutting in.

"Namine? It's Roxas. Are you and Kairi busy New Year's?"

* * *

After Namine's confirmation that yes, she and Kairi were free and they'd come- much to their delight since it had been so long since all of them had gotten together- he called Olette and was pleasantly surprised to hear her and Pence had been dating for over a year, now engaged. She cried on the phone when she realized it was him; since they lived a good three hours away the group had lost touch, meaning they had no idea he was awake, no idea if he was even alive. Olette insisted she'd change her schedule and both of them would be there without a doubt, an obvious hint of glee to her voice. Not long after they said their goodbyes Sora came home and they feasted on a banquet of spring rolls and chicken noodles, courtesy of the takeaway across the house, watched a movie and went to sleep.

Yet Roxas couldn't sleep. He found himself tossing and turning, his gaze fixed to the blank ceiling, mind unable to rest. Normally he could sleep the day away but for some reason, his thoughts wouldn't quell, yet his mind was blank. Whatever was bothering him, whatever was keeping him from sleeping- he had no clue as to what it was.

He picked his phone up off the bedside table, pulling it away from its charger. The screen taunted him with a glowing two, the time seeming to stand still the more he stared at the illuminated screen. No text messages, as usual.

Maybe Axel really was done with him. If he was just 'busy' he would have sent a reply by now, at least bothered to get in contact in one way or another. It was so... _strange._

Sighing he sat up, letting his legs dangle on the floor beneath him, his skin barely touching the cold wooden floor. The temperature was dropping outside, seeing as it was winter already- he wouldn't be surprised if it started snowing soon. He smiled at the thought of playing in the snow while the delicate flakes fell around them, having snow fights with his brother like he'd always wanted to, instead of just watching it all from the window.

Standing up from the bed he stretched his arms over his head, his t-shirt lightly skimming over his hips. Maybe a walk would clear whatever was bothering him.

Slipping into an old pair of jeans he grabbed a hoodie from the floor, fishing his lighter and an almost-empty pack of cigarettes from the pocket before slipping it on, quietly leaving his bedroom and closing the door shut. Sora's snoring could be heard from the landing, signaling that at least he was asleep- he didn't doubt that Riku was too from how tired he had been looking recently. Within seconds he was out the door without a sound, not before checking the spare key was under the doormat. He was sure that the two wouldn't appreciate being woken up this early in the morning all because he forgot to pick up a key before he left.

He slowly walked down the steps of the building and opened the doors, looking towards the floor through the darkness before grabbing a stray brick to keep the door slightly open. He figured it was harmless since he had completely forgotten the building's passcode that Sora had insisted he remember. Again, he didn't think it was a good idea to wake the two up.

He wedged the slab against the door and quietly closed it, only letting the door partially close when he checked that the brick was fully secure and wouldn't dislodge. A bird chirped as he began to walk down the street; the only light coming from the few illuminated streetlamps.

Roxas pulled the hood of his hoodie up over his head as he walked from the building, grabbing one of the few cigarettes from his pack and placing it between his lips, flicking the lighter on against the end. After a few attempts - due to the chill of the air - the flame held, barely lighting the tip of the cigarette, flickering out a few seconds later. He sighed, shaking the lighter in an attempt to get it to work- and hit a complete stranger in the face instead.

He froze, eyes wide, ready to apologize and probably run for his life- until he saw who he'd hit. Demyx stood opposite him with a similar expression on his face; he raised his hand to rub his forehead, a slightly red mark beginning to form in the middle. Seconds later a giggle rose up from his throat and Roxas frowned, confused at his reaction, but began to laugh himself anyway at the strange turn of the situation.

"What're you doing out here? Don't you live on the other side of town?" Roxas questioned, pulling the cigarette from his lips and shoving it in his pocket, a smile still evident on his face. Demyx rolled his eyes.

"It's not that far away- it takes me about twenty minutes to get around this area. And I like to do a nightly jog now and again - helps me to think." He replied, his breath billowing out in wisps of fog. "I could say the same for you, though. What are you doing out at this time of night?" He cocked his eyebrow upwards.

"Couldn't sleep." He rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hand, a sense of tiredness rushing over him. "Thought a walk might help to clear my mind..."

Demyx gave him an odd look, his eyebrows furrowing. "You got something troubling you?"

"Maybe- I don't know. If I do, I have no idea what's actually bothering me." Roxas chuckled. "How are you, though? How's..." He trailed off, biting his lip. He almost said Axel- though from the look on Demyx's face he knew who he was referencing. He almost didn't want to hear it- he didn't want to hear that Axel was fine, had moved onto his next _target,_ didn't want to hear that he couldn't be bothered with a guy that was clearly a confusing jumble of emotions.

"Axel?" Demyx finished for him, his face quickly becoming somber. Roxas furrowed his eyebrows at his reaction, yet he stayed silent, waiting for him to finish.

"He's... Well, I don't know." He shook his head, sighing. "I haven't talked to him since that night a few weeks ago- when he found you."

"...What?" Roxas blanched, confusion riddling his features.

"Yeah... When he got in the car, holding you in his arms- he didn't speak a word. Your brother, Riku and him rushed into the house and a few minutes later he came out, looking like a ghost. We dropped Kairi and Namine off in silence, and when we got back he shut himself in his room. He refused to speak to me. Still does." Demyx closed his eyes, another sigh slipping from his lips. "I'm guessing he hasn't talked to you either?"

Roxas shook his head. "I thought he was ignoring me. because of... well, you know. For all I know he may well be."

"It's not him... How he's acting. I don't think he'd give up on you because of what happened. If that is the case- then he's not the Axel I know." Demyx's face darkened.

The two stood in silence for a while, both of their minds filled with conflicted thoughts of the unknown situation they were in. Roxas was the one to break the silence, scratching the back of his head awkwardly.

"Hey, I almost forgot. I'm throwing a surprise party for Sora in a couple of days- for New Years. You should come- bring as many people as you can. Sora's never had one, so..." Roxas spoke shyly, not seeing the harm in inviting Demyx, too. Not that he expected Axel to come- he knew the blonde knew quite a few people and he wanted to go all out for Sora, let him experience all the things he missed out on. He had to admit he felt a little guilty, like it was his fault- he was the unliked child, the one who never got anything. His brother got the repercussions of that.

Demyx's face lighted up; he nodded eagerly. "Can I help set up? I love parties!" He grinned, his demeanor changing back to his usual cheerful self. Roxas nodded in agreement, a similar grin making its way to his face.

"I'd love the help. I'm not completely oblivious but I'm not a pro at this sort of thing either. I'm not sure Riku is the type of person to help me throw a party anyway." He laughed, glancing up to the curtained-shut window a few stories above them. "So, I'll see you Saturday?"

"Saturday it is."

* * *

Saturday morning came around to be a sunny one, no clouds in the sky- although the winter chill still hung around, the sun managed to burst out briefly. Despite that, it felt like there was a storm in the house- specifically coming from Axel's bedroom.

"Hey, Axel!" Demyx banged his fist against the wooden door, the loud noise reverberating across the house. "Open this goddamn door or I'll do it for you!"

"What the hell do you want?" A groggy voice barked back, the sound muffled- probably trying to speak from under a pillow or something. Demyx sighed, shuffling his feet.

"Roxas is throwing a party for Sora and you're coming whether you like it or not! If I have to drag you out of that bed so help me I will..." He growled, crossing his arms.

One way or another, Axel would be getting out of that bedroom.


	11. You Are Everything I Want And More

Demyx was met seconds later by the door swinging open with an intimidating creak and a glaring face, just staring, a silent challenge. He was taken aback- Axel looked _horrible_ _._

"Oh, I'd like to see you try." He sneered, holding onto the door- the blonde could tell he was using it for support, though was trying to look as normal and strong as possible. He wasn’t fooling anybody.

"I'm leaving now. Larxene and Marly are picking you up later tonight- I expect you to be dressed and cleaned up by then. Seriously, you smell like a goddamn dumpster." Demyx lectured, his eyebrows narrowing. "They're under strict orders to get you whatever state you're in. I'm tired- they're tired- __everyone's__ tired of the way you're acting. Snap out of it. I don't know what's going on with you but you need to sort yourself out. You don't even need to talk to anybody tonight. You just need to get out of your room – it's not good for you."

"How would you know what's good for me?" Axel shook his head, running his fingers through his dreadful looking, unwashed hair, his eyes closing- eyes which had massive bags underneath them, eyelids hiding his deeply bloodshot eyes.

"Because I'm your best friend. Get something to eat, too- before you pass out." Demyx sighed, reaching his arm out to rest it on Axel's shoulder, causing him to flinch and pull away.

"Whatever, Dem. I'll see you later."

With that he shut the door, leaving Demyx feeling more conflicted about leaving him alone in the house. He had to remind himself that Axel was a person that needed space, and not to be pushed too much. Nevertheless, he grabbed the party supplies he got together and left; the last thing he heard before he shut the door was the welcoming sound of the shower running upstairs.

* * *

Roxas was unusually awake, trying – and failing, to persuade Sora to get out of the house.

"Why do you want to get rid of me so badly? Anyone would think you’re hiding something." Sora complained, dramatically throwing his arm over the back of the sofa. Roxas pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"Yeah yeah, I'm sure it's __super__ hard to lounge around all day."

He knew that any minute the blonde would show up, leaving Sora suspicious- the things he was bringing with him would probably also be a dead giveaway. Before his brother could reply, however, a knock rang through the apartment. Roxas groaned and headed off to the door- either Demyx had arrived and they were screwed, or by some twisted chance of fate, a miracle had arrived.

It was his luck it was the latter.

Kairi and Namine stood at the door when he reluctantly opened it, both of them dressed suitably for the weather- Kairi had a thick pale pink hoodie on, the hood pulled over her choppy red hair, a sweater tucked underneath. Namine had a pale white shirt with a rather large and fluffy matching coat on- her cheeks were dusted pink from the cold, teeth slightly chattering. They both smiled warmly at Roxas but faltered when they noticed his desperate expression.

"Can you get Sora out the house?" He begged in a low tone, leaning on the door frame and peering around the corner to see if Demyx had arrived yet, only being met with an empty hall. "Please?"

Kairi waved her hand in dismissal. "Leave it to us." She whispered back before walking past Roxas and into the apartment. Namine followed with a smile, pulling Roxas into a brief hug.

“You okay?” She asked worriedly, her eyes darting to his arm before returning back to his face. Her gaze held no pity, though- she genuinely seemed concerned. He nodded with a slight smile before she followed after Kairi, the redhead already lecturing Sora further into the apartment.

"Get your lazy butt off that couch and get ready! We're going shopping!" She announced, throwing the blonde a wink. " _ _Now__ _."_

The brunette jumped from the sofa excitedly- only to have his wide grin fall. “But… Roxas doesn’t like shopping. He always whines that it’s boring- like it would damage his masculinity just to be standing outside the changing rooms.”

Kairi laughed, crossing her arms in slight impatience. “And that’s why it’s just us going. God forbid we want to wreck his masculinity.”

“O- Er, Okay..” Sora stuttered in an unsure way, looking at the two figures standing in front of him.

“I’ll be fine. Go- you haven’t had some quality time with them in a long while. They are your friends, Sor.” Roxas rolled his eyes at his brother's reluctance. “I’ll see you later- we can all hangout and order food, yeah?”

Sora nodded and smiled before grabbing a hoodie he’d trashed on the sofa, the previous ‘tiredness’ clearly forgotten about. Roxas only sighed a sigh of relief when they were out the door; he hastily grabbed his phone, typing in Demyx’s number. Within a few rings, he answered, his chirpy voice reverberating through the speaker.

“Is the coast clear? I’m almost at your apartment block.” His voiced echoed in his car- Roxas had only seen it once, yet it was filled with gadgets he’d never seen, only proving his seclusion and the time he’d spent in the coma. His slight amazement got him some giggles from his brother, _and_ Demyx.

“Kairi and Namine have just left with him. I’d make sure they’re gone before you come up.” He walked to the kitchen, popping a slice of toast in the toaster. “Did you invite anyone for tonight?”

A slight silence on the other end, then he could hear Demyx stop the car. “Of course- when do I not go all out? You haven’t known me long yet it’s still pretty obvious.”

Roxas sighed, leaning against the counter. “Am I going to regret this?”

“Too late for that!” Demyx laughed. “They’ve just pulled away- great tactic on getting his friends to take him for a few hours. You know how he jumps at the chance to do anything remotely interesting.”

“They practically reeled him in with the prospect of shopping. He’s every woman’s perfect gay best friend.” Roxas took a bite of the toast seconds after it popped out, the outside barely brown. What could he say, he didn’t like toast burnt to a crisp. Laughter followed down the line.

“I’ll be right up.” The line disconnected as he shut off the car leaving Roxas with the dial tone. He stuffed his phone into his pocket, picking up some of the discarded clothes Sora had left lying around. He wasn’t too big of a cleaner, and Sora knew it- so him cleaning, up early in the morning, would just be another thing that would make him suspicious. _Conveniently_ the brunette was an even worse cleaner than he was.

Right on cue, a knock at the door signaled him; when he opened the door he was greeted by a beaming blonde, a large cardboard box awkwardly stuffed under his arm. He moved the other, his hand producing a cooler seemingly full of alcohol.

“So, are you prepared to get ready for your first party?”

* * *

It was nearing the evening- somehow the girls had managed to keep Sora out for this long, to which he was grateful. Demyx wiped his forehead in exasperation as he finished putting up some of the cheesy decorations he’d bought. Surprisingly, the place looked _good_ \- the lights were dimmed, decorations hanging from the walls, and the blonde’s artistic touch really gave it a special factor. The two had spent a fair few hours mixing drinks, while Demyx had taught him some of the basic skills- the kitchen was filled with snacks and neon-coloured drinks. Some of which were made by Roxas himself and surprisingly looked decent.

“When’s Sora meant to be back?” Demyx asked, climbing down from the miniature ladder he was previously perched on. He ran his hand through his mullet, the spikes bouncing back up into their usual gravity -defying style seconds after contact.

“I never exactly gave them a time… I’ll text Kairi and let her know to come back soon. I’m sure they’ll be fine with keeping Sora preoccupied for an hour more if their reward is alcohol.” He shook his head. “How prepared should I be for a barrage of people to come through the door soon, then?”

He hummed, tapping his chin, a grin spreading across his face. “You’ll see soon.”

* * *

Sora sighed, crossing his arms. They’d dragged him over countless stores for hours, asking his opinion on what seemed like thousands of different articles of clothing and had only bought a couple each so far. Every time he’d mentioned about going home- he had no _idea_ there were so many clothes stores- they’d just shared a glance and made an excuse, saying they needed some new winter clothes and proceeded to stay in the same store for an hour.

Rolling his eyes he glanced at the changing rooms- they’d just gone in to try on a couple of new _coats._ He grinned as he thought of an idea to get away from the two- sure, he liked shopping, but they were clearly hiding something.

He wandered across the clothes racks, grabbing a load of different clothes that he thought the two might like, stalking off to his previous spot when he was satisfied.

“Hey, Kairi? Nams?”

A muttered reply came from each of the girls- he took a deep breath and hoped they wouldn’t find him suspicious.

“I found some clothes for you both that are just to _die_ for. I thought you might like to try them on and show me?”

A blonde and red head poked out from two separate curtains; both of their eyes widened in curiosity. Sora held out the two separate piles, a clearly fake grin on his face. Thankfully, neither of them questioned him, reaching an arm out to take the clothes.

“… Thanks, Sora!” Kairi grinned. “You wait right there, okay?”

He nodded in agreement, the grin still plastered on his face. It disappeared when the curtains fell back and they began to change; as quietly as he could he stepped out of the changing rooms, heading in a beeline straight for the door. Without looking back he marched off home- luckily it was only a ten-minute walk. At least he could finally get away from the _clothes._

“...Hey Sora, this is actually really cute!” Kairi grinned, looking at her reflection in the mirror. He’d picked out a cute pink dress adorned with zippers and a few patches of white. Normally she wouldn’t have given it a second glance but now she had it on, she saw the appeal. “Sora?”

Pulling back the cream curtains she was met with an empty space, no sign of the spiky-haired brunette. She cursed under her breath, pulling back the curtains to see Namine patting down a simple white dress, one which certainly complimented her figure. She peered over at her friend curiously.

“Sora’s gone.”

Namine’s eyebrows raised, clearly impressed with his diversion. She looked down to her dress, pausing for a moment. “Can I buy this first?”

* * *

Fifteen minutes later an annoyed brunette walked up the stairs to his apartment, dripping dirty water as he went. A charming person had decided to run through the obviously avoidable puddle – which was practically a lake – and drenched him from head to toe. Not to mention some drunks had tried to practically harass him, though they’d been too drunk to do anything. He didn’t have any money on him as it was. He’d been fired from one part-time job a few weeks before Roxas woke up and quit another because of stress, meaning the bar was his only income. And his pay had been reduced since Reno had decided to take an extended holiday.

Luck wasn’t doing him any favors recently, clearly.

He pulled out his key, one that he often kept in the back pocket of his jeans due to his inability to remember to ever pick it up- it slid through the lock and opened the door, not even bother knocking just in case he was left with silence.

Sora was not expecting to walk into what appeared to be a party, either.

Their apartment wasn’t tiny, that much could be said, but it wasn’t exactly party material. Despite that people seemed to be enjoying themselves, almost every one of them had a red cup in hand. It didn’t take a genius to guess what was inside, and by the staggering unfamiliar male at the entrance, whatever was being passed around was strong.

Widening his eyes in disbelief he scanned the area for any familiar faces, coming up with naught. He definitely didn’t know this amount of people and these didn’t look like the lawyer types that Riku worked with- and Roxas wouldn’t have gone to that amount of effort. Would _he?_

His eyes finally found the familiar blonde seemingly hiding in the corner, chatting idly to two familiar faces he hadn’t seen in a long time. On any other day, he’d been ecstatic. Jumping for joy to see his old best friends. But at that moment, he was confused as to why there were so many people in his _apartment._

“ _...Rox?”_ Sora questioned, walking over to the small group. He noticed Demyx was there too- the clear mastermind behind the whole thing. He should’ve known.

At the sound of his brother’s voice, Roxas stilled, almost dropping the cup he was holding – neon blue all over the floor would not have faired well.

He glanced upwards to see a bundle of brown spikes he _really_ wished was just a Sora lookalike – though he’d never be that lucky.

“What is this?” He questioned, motioning to the surrounding area. “Does somebody want to explain what the hell is going on?”

Roxas stuttered, snapping his gaze to Demyx. He just shrugged, looking sheepish – he knew that the plan couldn’t work flawlessly, things never did. _Some notice would have been helpful._

He pulled out his phone in annoyance to see dozens of missed calls from Kairi and read the most recent text - ‘We’re on our way… Sorry!’

_Damn._

“Well… I wanted to throw a party to surprise you. It’s the least you deserve.” He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, looking away. “Emphasis on the surprise...”

Sora stood still for a few seconds, various emotions playing across his face. “Let me get this straight… You, the antisocial Roxas, threw a party… for _me?”_

Roxas shrugged. “Uh… Yeah?”

He was enveloped into a bone crushing hug before he could even utter out another word, all the air from his lungs escaping before he could take another breath. Sora seemed to notice his discomfort quickly, however, and released him. A wide grin spread across his face as he greeted the two familiar faces and squealed when he found out they were engaged – they promised they’d send invites to the wedding closer to the time. Roxas let a sly grin appear on his face as he looked around – as much as he hated to admit it the result of the party filled him with a sense of satisfaction. Even Riku seemed to be having fun, animatedly switching between talking to Sora and various other individuals.

Slipping away he strolled off to the kitchen to grab another drink. He figured that he might-as-well enjoy himself while he had the chance – he barely heard the door open before footsteps sounded in the kitchen and he was face to face with the very person he’d been trying to talk to for weeks.

And he looked haggard. His eyes seemed sunken, those green orbs dull- his cheekbones seem to stand out even in the dim light. Axel’s usual lanky frame was even more skinny than usual – his hair, although still spiked more than he could ever deem natural, was limp. To anybody else, these would be subtle differences. Keen to the signs of a downward emotional spike, however, he knew otherwise.

Axel’s eyes widened as he noticed the teen standing in front of him, his eyes darting down to Roxas’ arms, even though they were covered by a plain burgundy hoodie. The blonde stifled a growl, though Axel still stared in mild shock.

“Why don’t you take a picture? It’ll last longer.” Roxas rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. “Why so shocked? It’s not as if I’m gonna be at my _own_ party. God knows why I’d do _that.”_

“Always with the snide and sarcasm, huh Roxas?” Axel snapped, narrowing his eyes, taking the blonde aback. He’d only seen this side of him with Larxene – and that in itself was brief.

“Oh, you know me. Sarcasm’s my middle name.” Okay, maybe that _wasn’t_ far off the truth. “You’re one to talk. Anyone would think you’re bipolar.”

Axel frowned, egging him to continue. Damn was he _dense_.

“One minute you show interest and the next you ignore me like I’m a piece of trash! Make up your mind, Red.”

Axel took a step closer to him, his frown deepening. He generally looked distressed, his green eyes blazing with a thousand conflicting emotions. Roxas could barely hear the gang in the background counting down the seconds to New Years; among those, he could hear Larxene’s shrill voice added to the mix.

“You need to stay away from me.”

_Nine._

Roxas shook his head, a strangled laugh clawing it’s way through his throat. “Don’t you turn all angsty on me now.”

_Eight._

“Why hell do I need to _‘stay away’_ anyway?”

_Seven._

“Because I’m not right for you!” Axel clenched his fists, closing his eyes in pure annoyance.

_Six._

“And why the hell do you think that? Surely _I_ should be the judge of who I want to spend my time with!”

_Five._

“Because….” He inhaled deeply, seemingly at war with what to say. “I- I made you do that!” Axel gestured to his covered arms, deep grief and guilt written all over his face.

_Four._

Roxas stilled. The whole reason he’d been ignoring his texts, seemingly avoiding contact altogether… was because he thought it was _his fault?_ The emotions displayed on his face clearly supported that fact – he looked as if any minute he was going to bolt straight out the door. Clearly, he’d been dragged to the party and he was looking more distressed by the millisecond.

_Three._

“You think… that _this_ is your fault?”

_Two._

Axel seemed bewildered that he’d even question the statement, his eyes widening in disbelief.

_One._

So Axel wasn’t ignoring him because he lost interest. He wasn’t just moving onto another person to play around with. It all clicked into place – the sudden abandonment, ignoring him, the sickly appearance – he _cared,_ he cared for the blonde and the fact he thought it was his fault, the guilt, was killing him.

_Happy New Years!_

Roxas tuned out the various cheers in the background – he wasn't focused on that right now.

“Of _course_ it’s my fault! I’m an idiot and-”

Axel was abruptly cut off by a hasty kiss from Roxas – although he had to stand on his tiptoes slightly awkwardly and almost pull the redhead down as he did so, and although it was sloppy and unprepared and Axel just seemed to stand there in shock – it was just as perfect as he’d imagined. Whatever compelled him to silence the male with a kiss was something he was glad for, as Axel began to reciprocate, his lips moving against Roxas’ like clockwork, the two melding together like a puzzle piece. The blonde wrapped his arms around his neck, sinking deeper into the kiss that was both comforting and passionate at the same time, both parties letting out various conflicted feelings that had been held in for longer than needed.

It was a completely different experience to kissing Xenmas, or Hayner for that matter. It felt more comforting and fuelled a fire more deep than he ever thought possible – instead of rushing to get things over and done with he felt content just kissing Axel in the slight privacy of the kitchen. Not that anybody else mattered anyway, whether they were watching or not. His mind was completely focused on what was happening in the now, the oh-so-inviting now, one he’d never wish to end.

But like usual the illusion had to end, snapping him back into the present and leaving him to deal with the aftermath. Axel was the one to break the kiss, looking at the blonde through surprised and relieved eyes. He seemed slightly nervous too, as one wrong move would cause the whole situation to spiral down and go sour. With a tinge of regret, he realized that he hadn’t caused him to think anything otherwise.

“Yes, you’re an idiot.” He laughed, breaking the silence that had hung over the two, his words almost snapping Axel out of a daze. “But don’t think this was your fault. Because it wasn’t – not even in the slightest.” Roxas took a deep breath, almost not wanting to say the words he was about to. “Plus, it would’ve happened sooner or later anyway…”

“I was being stupid, huh?” Axel shook his head, straightening up a little. “I’m sorry. I told you I’m quick at jumping to conclusions, right?”

“Well, I’m sure this situation has one conclusion that you can safely jump to,” Roxas smirked. “I guess I should apologize too. I just up and left – not the politest thing I could’ve done.”

“You, apologizing? My, Roxas, this is a rare sight.” Axel grinned, linking his hands behind his head. “What bizarre thought crossed your mind causing you to think the best solution was to run?”

Roxas shrugged, furrowing his eyebrows in thought. “Believe it or not I’m not the best at dealing with emotions. Angry emotions, however...” He bit his lip as a smirk began to form at the thought of punching him that night a few weeks ago. Seemingly thinking of the same thing Axel rubbed his chin, looking to the side.

“Remind me not to get on your bad side… again.”

* * *

Roxas and Axel stood leaning against the wall, both with drinks in hand. Luckily, nobody had noticed their little escapade in the kitchen so they could avoid the aftermath a little while longer – he knew while there would, probably, be good reactions, he wanted to enjoy himself without being pestered a little while longer. According to everyone else the two had a chat and disputed any differences; nobody noticed the slight touches Axel would give Roxas, and nobody noticed how Roxas was leaning his weight a little too much into the other man to be friendly.

Demyx stood next to Roxas, taking a sip from his drink. “So, are you happy with how your ‘surprise’,” he motioned quotations with his fingers, “party turned out? This isn’t usually your thing so I was pleasantly surprised when you asked me to come.”

“It turned out better than expected.” Roxas snuck a side glance at Axel, who smirked. “And I’m warming up to it...”

“Wait.” Axel outstretched his arm, looking at the blonde with amusement. “This was _your_ idea?”

Roxas growled, turning his head away from the redhead. “So _what?”_ Every single person had the same reaction – unsociable Roxas throwing a party, so strange.

Demyx threw his head back in laughter. “He threw it for his brother.” His face fell into one with slight sadness and diverted his attention to the brunette animatedly talking to Riku. “I think it’s sweet – he’s never been to a party before.”

Axel’s face fell as he was reminded of those words that Sora spoke to him those few weeks ago, the words that shocked him just as much now as they did then. He knew him and the blonde would have to talk about it sooner or later but he didn’t want to put a downer on him, especially not now. His expression fell into slight worry at the fragile state of the laughing boy next to him, unaware of what the conversation had progressed to.

“Hey!” Roxas nudged Axel, causing him to snap out of his thoughts. “Earth to Axel…”

“Hmm?” He asked in a daze, causing a chuckle to emit from Roxas. He motioned to the two teens standing against the opposite side of the wall, completely separate and in their own world from the other people around them. Sora had a large, goofy grin on his face, an almost full cup of drink in his hand, while Riku seemed nervous, moving to down the rest of his cup in one clean motion. The brunette cocked his head to the side as Riku exhaled deeply, closing his eyes and opening again with a deep determination.

Axel furrowed his eyebrows to question but Roxas shushed him, a sly smirk present on his face. He found Demyx to be watching them intently too, and with a roll of his eyes, turned his attention back to the two.

“Sora… I need to.. uh...tell you something.” Riku managed to exhale a shaky breath, his mind torn between confessing and just staying silent like he had all those years. He wasn’t a brave person, not by far. He seemed confident to certain people, sure, and was labeled as the one who spoke his mind – which wasn’t a lie, but this was one thing that he’d buried deep for years with no idea if it would ever surface.

He didn’t expect much. In any dream or fairytale Sora would jump into his arms, professing his love and they’d live happily ever after. Nobody thought Riku to be a man of deep feelings and hopes of his own private dream come true, yet he knew it was a side of him that would always stay hidden from those eyes.

Riku didn’t doubt that Sora’s brother knew about his feelings – they’d never spoken about it directly but it was clear. Even the subtle looks and hints would be proof enough.

To reiterate, Riku wasn’t brave. Especially when it came to his best friend, the only person that _truly_ got him.

Which is why he was struggling to make up his mind as to whether he should confess. The worst possible situation? Sora would be disgusted, betrayed that his best friend wanted more and leave. The best? A huge weight would be lifted off his chest, and although he doubted he’d ever move on from the brunette, it could very well be a possibility. The possibility he would like him back wasn’t even an option, not to him anyway.

He had no idea if Sora even liked guys. Riku had always been certain that he and Kairi were destined for each other, the perfect couple that everyone seemed to fawn over the idea of. When they cut all ties Riku was slightly relieved – the only thing that would sting more than a rejection would be seeing him happy with somebody else. Selfish, sure, but he wasn’t going to lie.

Riku was a jealous person, and that may have caused a playful rivalry between him and Kairi. More playful on her part, though.

Though he still never spoke a word to Sora. Even if there was a slither of hope that they could be together – he was never one to openly speak his feelings being a highly private person. Probably the only thing that he and Roxas had in common.

“… I was just thinking.” He muttered out, scratching the back of is head awkwardly. Sora cocked his head to the side, a slight amount of playfulness in his eyes – a glimmer of hope? Maybe Riku was just imagining it.

“About what?” Sora asked innocently, lightly setting his drink down on the windowsill next to them, a drink he’d barely touched all night. While that made Riku even more nervous, he was doing in on purpose, wanting to be sober for this moment, a moment he knew would probably arrive tonight in the mix of dancing people and music, and especially, alcohol.

_About how much I love you._

Riku mentally cursed himself, his resolve wavering. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea. Weeks of work on end left him physically and mentally tired and he wasn’t sure if he could handle rejection.

“Erm… Riku?” Sora frowned, waving his hands in front of the silver-haired male, causing him to snap back to reality. Shaking his head Riku muttered a dismissal and began to walk away, only to be stopped by Sora roughly grabbing his wrist.

“Riku? Are you okay?” He seemed concerned, his hand not letting go of Riku’s wrist. He didn’t bother pulling away, letting himself fall into the horrible fate he was most probably destined.

“You’re my best friend, Sora. I still clearly remember that day, when I first transferred to Twilight High, and you stumbled into my first class, late, your brother in tow. You sat down next to me, bubbly as ever and asked if I wanted to be your friend. I was so taken aback I just sat in silence and you took that as a yes, instantly inviting me into your circle of friends. Looking back I don’t really want to know the reason why you two were late, and especially Roxas’ downcast expression and flinch when the teacher went to put her hand on his shoulder… God, I feel like I should’ve seen the signs. Whether you were being hurt or not doesn’t excuse anything. You still experienced that venom, still experienced the hate and toxicity that oozed from your mother. You still worried whether she was going to turn that onto you… You still had to watch your brother slowly being broken away by the person that was meant to be there for you, protect you from things exactly like that… And I had no clue. I noticed that something off was going on behind closed doors but I never expected that you’d be dealing with all of that. All I wanted to do was take you away and protect you from that. I was so angry when you told me. You sat there, in my arms, crying your heart out and all I wanted to do was never let you go, never let you return back to her.” Riku finally took a deep breath, all his emotions and thoughts he’d been keeping inside spilling out and he couldn’t stop it. He refused to look at Sora, refused to look at the reactions that would be going through his face and knew he needed to carry on. “I guess I got my wish, huh? Even though I held so much hate towards her, I never thought death upon her. And it broke my heart to see you act so strong, doing whatever you could to keep your spirits up for Roxas, only to come back home and cry yourself to sleep. I used to lay awake at night wishing I could pull you into a hug and never let you go, walk into your room and just kiss all of the pain away. But I couldn’t. We were walls apart but you felt so far from me. I had to watch you slowly sink into yourself, had to watch the old you slowly die. I think… What I’m trying to say, Sora…. I like you. A lot. I always have. You’re the only one that sees through me, sees through that personality that everyone sees as a stuck up ‘emo’,” He motioned the word with air quotes, causing a watery laugh to be heard from the brunette. “You’re the light in my life and have been for years. Even though you drive me insane sometimes I wouldn’t want anybody else. So there it is. I like you, Sora.”

Riku finally allowed himself to look upwards into the tear-streaked face of Sora, eyes widening as he saw the effects of his confession. The brunette let out a soft giggle, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

“I know.”

Riku froze, his breath catching in his throat. “You… know?”

Sora nodded, a few stray tears beginning to fall. Riku moved his hand to wipe them away before he could register them, an adorable smile making its way to his face. “You’re not that good at hiding it. Plus, Roxas helped me to realize-”

He was cut off by a deep sigh from Riku. “So, did you want me to leave now?”

Sora frowned, shaking his head roughly. “N-No! Why do you think that?”

“Sora, I don’t even know if you like guys. Plus, I always thought you and Kairi had a dynamic going on. Everyone thought you two were eventually going to date.”

Sora looked downwards, biting his lip, trying to process everything that had been said. “Me and Kairi? I’ve never liked her like that. She’s just a friend…” He looked back upwards, into Riku’s turquoise eyes, eyes full of doubt and vulnerability. “Roxas helped me realize that you liked me… and that I like you too.”

Riku’s eyes widened before a rare grin spread across his face. “You do?”

“I do.” Sora giggled, a sound that made Riku’s grin even wider. He pulled him into a hug, Sora’s arms wrapping around his torso. His words were slightly muffled from his face being pressed against Riku’s chest but the words made his heart swell in happiness. “You’ve been here for me through everything and I can’t express my gratitude towards that. It couldn’t have been easy and I’m sorry I pushed you away.”

“You had every reason to.” Riku broke the hug and ruffled his hair, smiling at the pout that came to form.

“Thank you,” Sora whispered, his eyes becoming teary.

Riku frowned, shaking his head. “For what?”

Sora stood on his tiptoes and kissed his lips ever so gently and slightly, biting his own when he saw the blush spread across his face. “For being you.”


	12. Mixed Emotions

Roxas grinned as he saw Sora and Riku embrace, having heard snippets of the conversations between the two over the music – enough to tell that his vague plan had worked. He glanced to Demyx, then Axel, noticing the two were looking at the scene unfolding with vague expressions of surprise and astonishment.

He nudged Axel’s shoulder again with his arms crossed. “You can thank me for that.” Both sets of eyes were on him curiously, having only heard the few things that Riku had spoken about and not the admittance from Sora due to the distance between them, and not wanting to look too obvious that they were snooping. “Oh, come on, do you really think anything would’ve happened if they hadn’t had a little push?” He left out the part that he _accidentally_ told him through a defensive moment to do with Axel. He knew that would just end _so well_ for him.

He looked away for the sake of their privacy as Sora reached up to lightly kiss Riku on the lips, the taller male being caught off guard at first before he relaxed. Olette, over the other side of the room, followed their line of sight and gasped.

“Pence!” She lightly hit his arm to get his attention, causing him to wince and mutter profanities. He grinned as he saw the two, punching the air.

“Way to go Sora!” He whispered, receiving a giggle from Olette. “We’ve really missed out on a lot since we left, haven’t we? She sighed nonchalantly, her eyes filled with melancholy. Pence wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her close. He kissed the top of her head comfortingly.

“You really miss it here, don’t you?” He enquired, his voice dropping a tone from the sadness of his fiancée. She nodded as she rested her head on his chest, sighing.

“I didn’t think I would. We were happy over in Radiant Garden – We _are_ happy in Radiant Garden, right? Just seeing everybody again, Roxas awake, everybody happy… God, Pence, I miss them…”

Her blue eyes shone with unshed tears as she watched the people who were once her best friends, their lives moved on drastically since they’d last spoke.

“Well… You know...” Pence took in a deep breath, looking down at the nostalgic woman he’d come to love. “I’ve finished my study and your course finishes in February… After that, we have no real reason to stay in Radiant Garden… Hey, we could always move back down here. Maybe even finally set a date for the wedding.” He added jokingly, sobering up when he saw the surprised and excited look full of joy plastered across her face.

“Really?” Her voice was full of hope and a hint of emotion that he hadn’t heard in what seemed like a while – pure happiness.

And he didn’t have the courage to say no, not looking at the many positive emotions that were plastered on her face.

“Let’s keep it a surprise… Just between us for now. Until we finalize everything.” She nodded eagerly, her smile growing wider.

“Are you sure about this?” Olette worriedly objected, her eyes growing wide. “I know your family lives near there, and your friends...”

“Family’s Family, but you’re my world. If moving here means your happiness, then it’s mine, too.”

* * *

 As Sora shunned the last drunken guest from the house he relieved a sigh of relief, turning back to the others. He glanced at the various other people; although Pence and Olette had taken a taxi, and Marluxia had decided to walk home ( _clearly_ a smart decision on his part) that still left the three that occupied the apartment; Axel, Kairi, Namine, Larxene and Demyx, all too drunk to drive and too tired to care. Larxene was passed out on the smaller couch that was situated in the living room, and after a few long minutes of arguing of where everyone was going to sleep, Demyx crashed on the other couch, Kairi and Namine took Sora’s room, Sora shared with Riku – which left Axel to room with Roxas.

Which left _him_ staring at the redhead in the darkness as he shut the door behind him, a darkening blush spreading across his face. He wobbled slightly as he moved across the floor in his drunken state; as he was nearing his bed he tripped over something on the floor, scrambling around to try and steady himself – in a feeble attempt Axel tried to grab him but they both toppled to the bed, the redhead sprawled across him in a compromising position. Roxas’ blush darkened but he giggled at the situation, annoyed at his innate clumsiness but finding the warmth of the male strangely comforting. He found himself gazing into those green eyes, those eyes still filled with uncertainty.

“Y- You should get some sleep, Rox.” He almost choked out, his gaze turning away. It seemed the situation they’d argued about previously still hadn’t been resolved, to Roxas’ dismay. Axel moved almost reluctantly, laying down on the air bed Sora had dug from the closet and settling down with a blanket without a word. The blonde laid in the same position for a few seconds, watching his back – wondering what he could do to fix it – before laying down properly and closing his eyes, deciding to confront him in the morning. He was tired and the drink he’d consumed didn’t help. Sleep overtook him quickly.

* * *

  _She was drunk. Like usual._

_He was lounging around on the pavement outside, staring at the stars, reveling in the moment of tranquillity. Luna had been in a good mood for the past few days and he was grateful. The bruises had started to heal and he could face lying down. A bittersweet moment of peace and awaiting the inevitable. Maybe if he just stayed outside she’d forget about him, pass out and then he’d have a stress free night. Maybe she’d just have a few glasses and be fine. Maybe she’d realise what she was doing was wrong._

_He scoffed to himself, picking up a small stone and chucking it into the rugged, uncut grass opposite where he was sitting. Maybe. Maybe wasn’t good enough. Maybe didn’t stop the fear, the beatings, the self-hatred. Maybe wasn’t shit._

_He wasn’t shit._

_Roxas shook his head, bringing his knees up to his chest. Today was not a good day. Today was a day where all the words she said, all the things that stuck in his head felt true. Probably were true. It justified why she’d never laid a finger on Sora. They were the same, weren’t they? He wondered how much different it may have been if their roles had been reversed. Would he had been bubbly, innocent, surrounded by friends? Would he be happy?_

_No… That was one thing he would never let himself think. The thought of his brother going through what he went through on a daily basis made him feel sick. One day, one day he’d get away, leave this place, then maybe those voices in his head would stop. His own voice in his head would stop._

_Standing up he sucked in a breath before quietly opening the back door, tiptoeing into the kitchen. The lights were on but she was nowhere to be found – maybe she was asleep already. He wasn’t sure when Sora was due home. Probably out with Riku. Lost in thought he accidentally walked into a stray chair in the kitchen – cursing, he gritted his teeth, pain radiating through him in waves. He was still trying to recover from the incident with the glass a few days before, his wounds lazily stitched with the best Sora could do. He hadn’t been to school – too many questions would be asked, ones he wasn’t ready for._

_Sora had been acting strange since that time. He wasn’t sure what had happened after Luna’s head hit the table leg and he passed out but it had clearly rattled him. He figured it would be better not to ask._

_As he straightened himself up he saw Luna, sitting on the floor, cross-legged, facing in the direction of the kitchen. Moments after he spotted her she clocked that he was there – with a sickly sweet smile she motioned for him to come further. He obeyed, eyeing the glass she carried in her hand. She could use it as a weapon if she had the right mind to._

“ _Come. Sit.” Her voice oozed with venom and a hint of sadness. He couldn’t dwell on that, though. Roxas had to be aware, try and play it safe. His wounds could easily reopen with the right amount of effort and he didn’t want to bleed out and have Sora find him._

_Reluctantly he sat opposite her, crossing his legs in the same fashion. It became a heated staring game – he wouldn’t look away in fear of her lashing out and she just seemed to enjoy glaring daggers at her son. Sighing she looked away, taking a sip of her wine. It stunk._

“ _There are things you’ll regret in life, Roxas.” Her voice was slightly slurred but for the first time in a long time, she said his name without a hint of spite. “A lot of things, actually. I know I do.” She set her glass down, sighing deeply. “But I never regretted having you. Ever. And I know most of the time I make you think that I do.”_

_Roxas sat speechlessly. Lucid moments were rare and only ever with Sora around. Despite everything that had led up to the moment he was currently in – her words pulled at his heart._

“ _There are some things in this world that hurt you. Believe it or not but… I want to protect you both. I never want you to go through what I went through. The very thought kills me.”_

_She shook her head, leaning her forehead into her palm. Her pale, malnourished hair skimmed her shoulders, hanging like straw. Despite every single warning bell going off in his brain, he knew he had to ask. Had to._

“ _Can I ask you something?” Roxas managed to speak in a hushed whisper. Luna looked up and nodded, her eyes wary. She almost looked like a child. “What… What really happened with Dad?”_

_It was subtle, but that single question changed her. Instantly a wave of regret crashed throughout his body and his only instinct was to shut up and run upstairs. But… no._

_No. He needed answers. All he knew was that he left. Just got up and left. That was it, apparently. Not that he believed a second of it._

_She stilled, her eyes widening, then narrowing. Her lips parted and she let in a sharp inhale only to close in a tight line. She began to inhale deeper, her breath quickening, eyes darting around as if to look for an escape._

“ _D- Don’t-”_

“ _Please!” Roxas begged, feeling an urgency and newfound confidence he’d not felt as strong before. She was lucid. Fully lucid. He might not get the chance again.”Just tell me what you’re holding back!”_

_That was when she let out a high pitched squeal, full of pain and hate, one that made him flinch. He’d struck a nerve, he knew he had, and although he should be filled with fear and regret he wasn’t. Her reaction just proved what he’d known for a while – he hadn’t just simply abandoned them._

“ _You don’t know what you’re talking about.” She snarled in a hushed tone, almost psychotically. “Roxas, Roxas, Roxas. No, nonono. Prompto. Promptopromptoprompto.” Luna began to babble, her words merging together to create a string of illegible words. “It’s all your fault, isn’t it?”_

_It was clear she was beginning to turn hysterical, her voice beginning to rise higher and higher. “Who’s Prompto?”_

_At his words, she snapped her head upwards, in his direction, and her eyes narrowed. “You.” She screeched, tackling him to the floor, the wine glass spilling in the action. From the force he knocked his head back onto the carpet, leaving him momentarily dazed; she pulled him upwards by the hem of his shirt, her teeth bared as her eyes blazed with fury._

“ _Why? Why, Prompto!”_

_The first strike he expected. The second left him breathless. The third caused him to hide away in a dark pit of his mind, numbing the pain, causing him not to remember how many came after that. Nor when she stopped._

_When he regained sense he was on his front on the floor, the room dimmed yet still lit. He was alone – he angled himself slightly to be able to face the clock, seeing it read ten o’clock. Sora would be back anytime and he would rather keep quiet about the whole incident. This time around it really was his fault, setting her off._

_Reluctantly standing up he checked his wounds, grateful that none of the kicks and punches had ripped the stitches, although he felt sore. Really sore. He knew he’d bruise. Coughing lightly, and then wincing at the pain arousing from that action, he began to walk towards the back doors, wanting some quiet and space to think. Outside was always good. She rarely ever did anything outside – though he doubted she’d try now. There was a good chance she’d passed out drunk by now._

_He took his seat at the spot he’d originally been in a couple hours previous. The night sky had darkened even more causing the stars to stand out brighter, a few stray clouds in the sky passing with the wind._

_Roxas bit his lip, casting his gaze downwards. Maybe there was some truth in what he had sat here contemplating before. If their roles had been reversed… He wouldn’t have the beatings and everything that came with it._

_The wind howled in his ears through the silence. His head was a different matter._

‘ _She’s right, you know. She hits you, beats you, breaks you – for one reason and one reason only. You aren’t worth anything.’_

_True. Sora was the good one, the happy one, the one that never spoke back._

‘ _You’re the ugly one, the ugly one...’_

_It twisted around in his head like a mantra, a swirl of deepest thoughts sucking him further into an abyss._

‘ _That’s why she uses you as a punching bag, the anger caused by you is used against you.’_

‘ _It hurts, hurts being hurt by the one that’s meant to love you… care for you…’_

_He just wanted it to stop-_

‘ _You caused this, you caused her to be fucked up mentally, it’s all your fault, your fault, yourfault...’_

_Roxas gripped his hair, pulling roughly as to try and get the voices to fade. They refused, growing louder._

‘ _Everything is your fault, you fuck up the ground you walk on. Everyone you know in your pitiful life will leave, all because you are you. You deserve it and you know it. You probably caused your precious Daddy to leave too, and for some reason, she’s trying to shield you from the truth, the one, main, important truth – you are worth nothing.’_

_A pained whimper fell from his mouth, ending in a mix between a scream and a yelp – they’d never stop, and she’d keep on hurting him, he’d never get anywhere, Sora would leave and he’d be stuck…_

‘ _The best thing you could do would be to kill yourself. Nobody would notice.’_

_Roxas snapped his head up at that, his mind clearing instantly and the voices ceasing. The cowards way out. Though, that’s exactly what he was – a coward._

_Stumbling to his feet he returned to the warmth of the house, the chill in his bones gone unnoticed by the male who was consumed by the goal in front of him. He’d… He’d be free._

_Careful not to make too much noise he managed to reach upstairs, running to the desolate bathroom and locking himself inside. Without a moment's hesitation he went to and opened the drawer to Luna’s medicine cabinet – various pills had been sat untouched for years, various sizes and strengths. With a shaking hand be began to pop them in his mouth, one by one, swallowing the pills dry and ignoring it as they scratched his throat, leaving a funny taste in his mouth._

_They’d mostly all gone by a few minutes, the bare space taunting him. He began to run himself a bath – his last bath. He stripped free of his clothes and climbed inside, the heat of the bath barely warming his cold bones and chilled heart, one which was only so many beats away from it’s last._

_He eyed the razor taunting him at the edge of the bath. Quicker. The razor would make it end quicker, give him exactly what he wanted. While the pills began to overload his body the blood would already be draining._

_Roxas’ hands shook as he grabbed it tightly, the blaze digging into his palm and drawing blood, a light graze that barely scratched. He ignored it._

_Without hesitation the blade was dragged across his wrist, beads of blood forming and growing, skin spreading and blood beginning to drip. It splashed into the water in drops, the crimson colouring settling slightly before dissipating into the clear water. Over and over again, the blood began to steadily fall, the blonde watching the motions, transfixed. He made another, directly below, almost parallel to the others – though he couldn’t be sure with all the blood. By the time he’d made the third, a long, jagged cut down his forearm, he began to feel woozy._

_Roxas filled in whatever space he could, the affected arm too weak to hold the blaze to use the other arm. He’d done enough anyway. Or so he hoped._

_Throwing the blade to the side, hearing it clatter against the tile of the floor, he let his head fall back into the water, the only thing unsubmerged was his face. His eyes felt heavy and his stomach ached, though he could feel himself slowly slipping away… the darkness closing in, his body becoming weightless, surroundings drifting away. He could finally be at peace._

_The darkness pulled at him, stripping him until a faint voice broke through. A familiar one, though he couldn’t place it._

“ _Roxas!”_

_In a blur he was out of his own body – no, he was still in his body, yet he was standing up, perfectly fine, staring at a motionless body in the water, water the colour of roses, the pale figure of his brother inside deathly white. He felt himself doing alien motions, crying, screaming, until hands began to pull him away, shouting his name, taking him away from his only family-_

“Roxas!”

He hadn’t realised he’d squeezed his eyes shut until he opened them, unfamiliar surroundings causing him to blink, dazed, unsure of where he was. He… was in his room. It was just a dream, that’s all it was, a _dream…_

“Are you okay? You were screaming and crying- I...”

Roxas’ dull gaze slid to Axel’s, his eyes focusing on the male that was resting on his bed, hands clasping his shoulders – probably trying to shake him awake – and saw mixed expressions of worry and pain. _No… No, he wasn’t._ He shook his head roughly, the messy spikes shaking from side to side. At the same moment he was pulled into Axel’s chest for a hug he let out a chocked sob, his hands grabbing at the loose top the redhead was wearing, something to solidify the fact he was _there,_ with Axel, and not at that house. He wasn’t watching his brother die, he wasn’t dying _himself..._

He let himself be carefully pulled into Axel’s lap, let himself just release all the emotions, listening to his sweet nothings saying that it’ll all be okay, he’s fine, that it was just a dream. In that one moment, Roxas felt no shame in lowering his barriers to him and didn’t want to overthink about doing it either. For once, he felt safe in Axel’s arms, something that relieved him to no end. When the cries began to subside and the tears began to dry they sat silently, clear that neither one of them wanted to move.

Yet Axel was the one to break that, sighing as he began to move from the bed, not meeting Roxas’ gaze. The blonde grabbed the hem of his shirt; with a hoarse, tired voice he muttered the only word he could. “Stay.”

Axel closed his eyes in contemplative thought before focusing his eyes on the blonde in front of him. Without a word he climbed into Roxas’ bed alongside the blonde, draping his arm around his stomach, pulling him close. He was stiff, hesitant, but as Roxas pulled his hand into his own, he felt him relax into the embrace.

Not long after he closed his eyes did he fall asleep, Axel’s presence causing the worries of his dream to be momentarily wiped from his mind.

* * *

 

Waking up next to Roxas was bittersweet.

He’d wanted to savor the moment for a long time. If he ever got the chance. But like always, he’d think and think and think… and miss what was right in front of him.

It wasn’t his fault. Roxas had reassured him that much; but he was still in the dark, lost, only knowing the tip of the iceberg.

No matter what he’d gone through he wouldn’t abandon him – he knew that much. Not only did he mean _so_ much to him he also couldn’t do that to someone so fragile.

And Roxas was fragile. Which bought him right around to what was bothering him. He was afraid – afraid of hurting him, doing the wrong thing. He was like a ticking time bomb and in Axel’s mind, he was worried he’d be the one to set him off.

He felt selfish, horrible for thinking so. Roxas _was_ strong.

So he let himself momentarily focus on the sleeping blonde, barely illuminated by the slight stream of sunlight coming through the curtains. He’d moved in his sleep to face Axel’s chest, his hand still tightly gripped against his own, sleeping face devoid of any pain or struggle. He looked angelic to Axel.

His hair was messy and pulled back from his face, probably because of his restless sleep – he noted that while it sat above his shoulders when they first met, it now hung a little lower in thicker, more frenzied spikes – he breathed in slowly, lost in a deep, nightmare-less sleep. Roxas almost looked how he did in the coma, though slightly healthier. The comparison made his heart pang. Even though he’d never conversed with him in that time he began to develop a deep bond with him before they’d even spoke. Before he’d ever seen the colour of his eyes, eyes which he found compelling when he first laid eyes on them.

Roxas had heard him when he was in the coma. Enough to remember him, enough to remember his name. Enough that what he did counted, reassuring that spending all that time was worth it. He was being stupid, as always – looking down at Roxas he realized there was nowhere he’d rather be than next to him, despite whatever he’d gone through.

Every moment he’d spent in that hospital room just hoping the boy that he didn’t even know would have a chance to live couldn’t be in vain. Not when he was holding that boy in his arms.

So he let himself rest his head against Roxas’, exhaling a soft breath before falling off into sleep again. He needed to stop being stupid and savor the presence of the blonde while he could.

* * *

 

Roxas awoke from a nightmare-less sleep still curled in Axel’s arms. They’d barely moved from when he fell asleep – though their legs had tangled together and he was pressed further into his chest, a more intimate embrace. He was never one for anything intimate – not anything that came alongside feelings. Despite the flashback that he had experienced in his dream not a few hours ago, he felt completely content to just lie in Axel’s arms for as long as he could. Though nature called and trying to be as careful as he could, he climbed out of bed, Axel stirring as he did so. The movement caused his shirt to ride up and Roxas was left with a clear view of his toned stomach; after a slightly longing look, a look that probably should have ended sooner, he left the male sleeping in his bed for a _cold_ shower.

When he emerged from the bathroom everyone had left or appeared to, and a disgruntled Sora sat alone on the kitchen counter. He sipped out of the mug he was currently holding in his hands, the mess around him seemingly not bothering him in the slightest. Maneuvering around Roxas poured himself a cup, sitting down next to his brother. He noticed a faint purple hickey clearly standing out on his neck and smirked.

“So, uh...”

“You and Riku? I know. I saw you lovebirds last night...” Roxas smiled, taking a sip from his mug. “That’s quite a hickey you’ve got there...”

Sora’s eyes widened in alarm before narrowing, muttering profanities under his breath. Without a word he left the room, shutting the door to Riku’s bedroom behind him rather loudly – if Axel wasn’t awake, that would be sure to wake him.

And, sure enough, seconds later he came out of Roxas’ room, his eyes instantly locking with his own and he let out a bright smile. Maybe there wouldn’t be anything left to resolve between the two – a thing he was slightly worried about. It seemed the two were never really on the same page with their feelings.

Roxas opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by the front door opening – to his surprise Rikku was the culprit, grinning when she saw the surprised Roxas. “Hey! Is your brother around? I need to ask you two something- oh, hey Axel! Make that three of you… oh, Riku too!”

Axel chuckled, moving to stand closer to the blonde, crossing his arms over his chest lightly. “What’s up?”

“Well, my uncle got in touch and asked if I wanted to look after his dogs for a week. He’s going away with his new girlfriend, even though she’s a total golddigger, and I told him… Oh, yeah! Back to the subject! So, my uncle is pretty rich – think, thirty bedrooms, maid, chef, _everything,_ rich. Come to think of it, I wonder why he asked me… Anyway, I was wondering if you guys wanted to make it a holiday! Everyone’s invited!” She finished enthusiastically, “He’ll pay for our flights to Destiny Islands!”

Roxas coughed on his coffee, his eyes widening. “ _Destiny Islands?”_

“Yep! Come on guys, it’ll be fun! Oh...” Rikku chuckled nervously, linking her hands behind her back. “We leave in three days...”

Three days. He couldn’t exactly say no, and a shared look with Axel resulted from a shrug from his side. A week alone with Axel – who he couldn’t really call his boyfriend, as nothing had been spoken about on that issue, and they hadn’t shared more than a kiss-slash-make out session – and people that he briefly knew, who would probably relentlessly tease him.

Great.

 _That_ was going to go smoothly.


	13. The Angst Ridden Blonde Finally Sorts Out His Feelings™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for the delay. Hit a massive writer's block - constructive criticism for this chapter is welcomed, mainly since I'm not really happy with this chapter as it is.  
> Regardless, Merry Christmas, and here is some AkuRoku for your souls~

Roxas wasn't ignoring Axel. Even though… that was exactly what he was doing.

Not purposely anyway. The two lovebirds in honeymoon suite number one emerged from their bedroom not long after Rikku had announced she was inviting them all to Destiny Islands. He'd never been before, no, yet he knew the distance between _them_ and _it._ Not to mention the twelve-hour plane ride. And that he'd be forced from his bedroom to the outside world.

And the fact he hated planes.

Axel left not long after. A simple bye and a grin to Roxas, though he could tell the redhead was most probably wondering where the hell they stood. He was too – though he didn't want to tell everyone, not yet. Yes, Roxas knew he was just creating more complications to add to the mix. He was used to hiding, keeping personal things from other people. Roxas knew he liked Axel. A lot. But further than that, he was stumped. He almost felt bad that he couldn't tell his brother, even though everyone _had_ guessed there was slightly something there. Axel never hid his feelings, at least.

He was just lucky that nobody had asked what they'd gotten up to that night they'd shared a bedroom. Roxas knew the blush would be a dead giveaway, the faint memory of Axel holding him close burning in the back of his mind.

Roxas figured Axel had just been busy. They hadn't talked since – the next time he saw him was at the airport, where they exchanged greetings and nothing else. Maybe Axel sensed he needed space or something of the sort. So yet again they were stuck with miscommunication and Roxas was left to wonder what to do about the whole thing.

He was _not_ good with relationships, to say the least.

So there he was, staring out of the plane's window. He'd woken up from his disturbed nap – after finally falling asleep as his nerves wouldn't quell – by Rikku excitedly announcing they were only three hours away. Apparently, she had a childhood friend to visit that she hadn't seen in a while. Either way, it began to annoy everyone who was trying to sleep the journey away.

Roxas was surprised at her generosity, though. She didn't have to pay for the place, sure, but the plane tickets weren't cheap. She'd not only brought along her gang – Larxene, Marluxia, Axel, Demyx and a quiet, shy girl called Yuna – she also took the liberty of inviting Roxas, Riku, Sora, Namine and Kairi. He didn't even want to think about how much that cost.

Namine had her head relaxed against his shoulder – sitting next to her was Axel, as Kairi had decided to occupy the two seats in front of them, using it as a makeshift bed. The snoring coming from her slumbering figure was almost as pleasant as Rikku's outburst.

Did he mention they were in their own first class cabin?

"Did you know my parents considered moving to Destiny Islands?" She perked up, following his gaze out of the window, although there was nothing but blue to be seen. He turned his head to respond, his eyebrow raising upwards in interest. He'd never known – he'd only became acquainted with her because Kairi had quickly become best friends with Sora about five years prior. Part of him wished they _would_ have gotten closer beforehand. She nodded, sighing. "I'm glad, though. They decided not to go through with it because of the adoption."

"Adoption?" Axel enquired, one of his earbuds dangling against his chest, eyebrow raised but in confusion. Roxas had no idea he was even paying attention, never mind interacting with the conversation, so his input was surprising.

"Oh, right." Namine blushed. "Roxas never told you? Kairi – my parents adopted her when we were both eight. They wanted us to be closer in age so we would have the best chance at getting along. A lot of people think she's my biological sister since we look so alike..."

"Interesting… At least now I don't have to wonder why you're polar opposites when it comes to personality." Axel grinned, "Nice to know me and her have something in common."

"You were… adopted?" Namine questioned. Axel nodded, not seeing any need to elaborate the fact any further, or explain that he and his brother had never found a stable home while they were in the system, never properly becoming 'adopted'. Namine caught the hint pretty quickly.

"What was it like, having Kairi suddenly barge into your life?" Axel _was_ curious, having always been on the other end of the spectrum.

"I was so envious when she first came to live with us. She'd been in and out of orphanages her whole life. Got dropped off as a baby, from what was told to us. Kairi got all the attention… Though once things settled down, and I actually got her to talk to me – she never stopped. I've watched her bloom from a shy abandoned girl who could barely get out her name to what she is today." Namine looked at the snoring redhead fondly, "I'd never want it any other way."

"Then I'm glad she had a good experience..." Axel's expression hardened. "Not all of us are so lucky."

Axel glanced over to Roxas, noting he'd drifted off to sleep amongst their conversation. Namine followed his line of sight; only to turn back to him with a sly smile.

"So..." She twirled a lock of hair around with her finger, looking as innocent as she could. "You and Roxas, eh?"

"Me and Roxas?" Axel tilted his head, playing coy. "What are you hinting at?"

"I know Roxas. And ever since you popped into his life, he's slowly coming back from the depressive state he was in ever since I met him. He's become happier, more talkative..." She shrugged. "I just notice things, and _that_ is as clear as day. So, _Axel,_ you've got two choices. You can tell me what sly things are going on between you two – as I know all I'd get from Roxas would be defiance," Axel scoffed in agreement, "or I'll tell you what _I_ think is going on."

"There's no 'Me and Roxas'. That's the truth." Axel wasn't lying, really.

"Roxas and _I."_ Namine corrected. She looked around for a brief second, almost checking to see if anyone was eavesdropping – they weren't. "Fine, you asked for it. You don't want to ask him for clarity about you two because you're willing to give him space to decide on his own, which is way more than he needs. He, however, has been trying to distance himself from you. Partly because he's scared of being vulnerable, and mainly because he doesn't voice his thoughts often, especially if he isn't prompted." She tapped her chin, almost in thought. "If anything, that night he ran away likely reminded him of Hayner. You need to… give him a push."

"You think what you want to think." Axel put the other earpod in his ear, effectively cutting off the conversation. He managed to hear her next words before he turned his music up louder, eyes catching hers for the last time until they descended. He should've expected something like this from a friend of Roxas'.

She was frustratingly right, though. He _was_ waiting for Roxas to figure out exactly what he wanted instead of tossing back and forth between distancing himself from Axel and actually _wanting_ Axel.

"You know I'm right. I'm not intuitive for nothing."

* * *

The first thing Rikku did when they eventually departed from the airport was sprint away from the group in a random direction without a word. None of them were surprised at her eccentric behaviour, even the ones that barely knew her, but they all curiously trailed after her around a few car parks and hotels to an extravagant beach, tucked away by lush array of palm trees and foliage. The blonde then begin to hastily strip down to her swimwear when she'd reached a certain point; most of them began to follow suit, eager to enjoy the heat compared to the chill of the winter back in Twilight Town – apart from Axel of course.

Roxas whacked his arm. "Have some _decency,_ sheesh..."

"Hey!" Axel extended his arm, trying to defend his actions. "Do you _blame me?_ Look at them-"

"Please don't finish that sentence." Roxas interrupted, furrowing his eyebrows, keeping the fact hidden that his stomach knotted at the reality Axel was ogling somebody else. He shook the feeling away – he _didn't_ get jealous. That just wasn't _him._

He did see the appeal when he glanced at Rikku though. As usual, her hair was in a mismatched ponytail with braids sprouting out of nowhere, various beads attached. Her signature blue headband kept her hair from her face while she sported a yellow and orange bikini which really did compliment her chest… along with green bottoms.

He never understood her fashion sense.

It wasn't long before beach towels and bags were scattered across the empty beach. The majority of their luggage had been personally taken by a driver – Roxas still hadn't grasped _just_ how rich she was, and why she was hanging around with a bunch like them – so they didn't have to bother about getting to wherever they were staying. Nor anything else really. It felt weird to have everything personally catered for.

A few of them were still on the beach, as the rest had decided to either play in the seawater or swim – apart from Marluxia, who had decided to go in pursuit of a bar. Even Larxene, the one he'd dubbed as 'cynical nightmare'. Considering their only meeting had been at that fateful night those few, long weeks ago, he didn't have much to base her on, apart from the fact she was clearly in want of Axel and hated Roxas with a passion. Which bought him right back around to the problem in the first place – he was jealous. Larxene wanted to be back with Axel, clearly. And they had a past…

Caught up in his thoughts, he didn't notice Namine was slyly watching him and the male next to him. The male next to him was Axel, obviously, who kept sneaking glances at Roxas. He was blissfully unaware to both.

It was almost like her own personal soap opera, and she would be the one to set it in motion. She just had to figure out how. Namine was happy in the sole fact that Roxas had come into her life again after such a long time of worrying and now she took it as a personal mission that she'd do what she can to make him see what was right in front of him, something that he knew already but just wouldn't admit. It frustrated her that he just wouldn't let himself be happy for once.

Roxas, meanwhile, was shaken out of his thoughts by Axel groaning as he stretched and stood up, flinging his t-shirt off, then turning to the blonde's rapidly blushing face. "You coming?"

He was stunned for a moment before he realised Axel meant _swimming,_ then the second set of panic began to arise. Roxas shook his head roughly, ignoring the confused looks he was getting as Axel was tying his hair into a loose ponytail.

"You okay?"

He nodded, throwing the redhead the best smile he could muster. Axel returned one back, albeit concerned, before jogging over to the group. Roxas was mesmerised yet again and could _feel_ the pink tinge his cheeks.

Axel had a better body than he let on. He was abnormally tall and skinny yet it just _worked_ for him, curves in all the right places, defined and sleek. He had the hint of a toned stomach and- god, Roxas felt like a school girl getting flustered over their crush. Even his ponytail made him look attractive – messy spikes jutting out in different directions, parts stuck to his face, a few strands clinging to his neck…

Why the hell was Axel interested in _him_ of all people?

He'd always known Axel was good looking, a person that unmistakeably stood out amongst the rest with his bright hair and facial tattoos. Even while he was in the coma he found his _voice_ to be attractive, compelling… But he'd never fully appreciated him as he was. Sleek cheekbones accentuating those compelling green eyes and purple tattoos, lips that curved up into a smile often, a smile that was as brilliant as he was. He'd never met anyone as patient and understanding like him.

Roxas watched as Kairi moved to drench him with seawater – he grinned, tackling her underneath the waves, only to have her come upwards, spluttering, then push him down too. They looked like they were having the time of their lives, like two people they'd known since childhood.

Yet he was too self-conscious to join them. It was no mystery why he'd adorn himself in sweaters and hoodies whenever he went outside the comfort of Sora's apartment – and even though it was eternally summer on Destiny Islands and the usual sweltering summer heat burnt though his flesh, he didn't want to show any of it. He didn't even like looking at it himself. Just a reminder of the past thoughts and feelings that would continuously haunt him.

He never dwelled on why the voices left as she did. Maybe they were masking themselves as the thoughts he'd think about himself, or pry on his insecurities when he was weak and beat. Either way he didn't want them back – they'd always come at his worst, and remembering that night that set all these events into motion just bought the situation back to the front of his mind. What if they _did_ come back? What if they caused him to push Axel away even more, or revert to how unstable he used to be?

...Used to be. He recoiled, not realising, not until now, how much he'd actually changed. Even when he first got out of the hospital he just wanted to be by himself, wallowing in the self pity he cast over his mind. Visiting Xemnas when he needed to let off steam. And who changed that all? The stupid redhead with that damn charm of his.

"Aren't you gonna go?" Namine cut through the silence, though it took him a few seconds to register he was being spoken to; he shifted slightly to see the blonde, who was sketching in her notepad as she sat on the sand. Though, her full attention was now on Roxas, noticing how his expression had fallen even darker within the past few minutes. He shrugged, looking out at the group again.

"Not really… my sort of thing." He pulled his sleeves down lower out of habit. "I didn't bring anything to swim in regardless."

She rolled her eyes. "So you're just going to sit there and gaze after him like a lost puppy while he has all the fun?" She eyed him knowingly as he tried to protest. "Don't even bother – it's obvious."

"Since when did you become a massive know-it-all?" Roxas grumbled, though his mouth split into a small grin. "Like always, I guess."

"Don't forget, you and Hayner would never have become a couple if it wasn't for me. People didn't call me a witch as an insult for no reason, Roxas. I notice things others don't." She felt like she was just repeating herself a second time, though she managed to say it with some humour. "And I see that you're fawning over someone that's just as interested in you back."

Roxas groaned. "Since when did my life suddenly turn to revolve around that cocky idiot?" He noticed that she'd set her sketchpad down on the sand, leaving him to get a better look at what she was drawing. It was an intricate piece of the exact view they were looking at, except instead of Axel and Kairi playfighting - it was him and Axel. He felt his cheeks heat up several degrees, though he didn't press further on the reasoning behind the drawing. "Since when were you all for Axel anyway? The only time you've spoken was that night at Demyx's. And, if I remember, he was less than decent to you."

She shrugged, deciding not to mention their conversation on the plane. "Although his actions weren't… _favourable,_ he did it because he was clearly head over heels for you. And you," She lightly punched his arm, glowering, "need to be the one to take the first step. He's waiting for you to reassure him it's what you want too."

"...Sometimes I'm worried you're some sort of mind reader."

"Oh shut up." She giggled, only to silence and hastily put her sketchbook away – following her line of sight led him to see the others were returning, full of smiles and dripping wet hair. Demyx practically skipped over to them, his hair flinging seawater around as he got nearer.

"We're gonna go show you guys the house." He waggled his eyebrows, clearly having seen the place before. "Prepare to be impressed."

* * *

True to what Demyx said; they were impressed, to say the least, a further ten minutes later. The whole place looked like a mansion, like one out of one of those high budget movies. Butlers, crystal chandeliers – Rikku really looked out of place amongst it all.

"Miss Rikku, I have placed your friends' belongings outside their respective rooms like you asked." A younger man stepped out of a side room dressed in smart clothes, with a voice that was clipped and formal. He wouldn't expect anything less from a place like this. "Mr Jecht wishes you a nice stay and is dreadfully sorry he could not see you before he left."

Rikku shrugged it off. "It's alright, Noel. I'm thankful enough that he let me use the house for a week – I'm quite sure he didn't need me to 'look after the dogs.' Considering he pays Tidus to take care of them every day." She drawled, making air quotes with her fingers. 'Noel' chuckled slightly.

"You know your grandfather doesn't want your brother to live with him without earning his keep. He could've been given worse."

"Wait… I remember a Tidus from Twilight High. Couldn't have been the same one, could it?" Sora pondered, earning a nod from Rikku.

"He studied there until graduation and moved back here. Tidus was quite… _rebellious._ I thought being in Twilight Town, near me, might help him, since apart from Grandaddy and me he doesn't have any other family. Our parents travel too much to take him along." She sighed, rubbing the back of her arm. "He gets along well here, though! My little brother, winning a Blitzball scholarship. Who'd thought."

"Small world." Riku muttered. He never gave much input at the best of times. Roxas could only slightly remember Tidus; womaniser, sporty, and was one of the majority to smoke questionable things around the back of the gym. They'd met a few times through Hayner.

Rikku then personally showed them all to their separate rooms – which all had en-suites, to his delight – and left them to their own devices to unpack and sleep off the jetlag.

Two hours later Namine received a knock on her door, startling her as she was engrossed in the painting she'd been working at. She only had a few months left of the art course she'd enrolled on and was practising techniques for her final piece; hence why various paints, chalks and watercolours were strewn across the floor, almost being knocked over by her surprise.

She stumbled to open the door, tilting her head in confusion as she saw Roxas standing outside, hands stuffed in the pockets of his trademark hoodie, face downcast.

"Rox...as?" She furrowed her eyebrows as he walked inside without a word, shutting the door behind him. He let out an impatient groan, moving to turn face to face with her.

"I… I don't want to mess it up with Axel." He sat on the edge of her bed, mindful of the art supplies on her floor. "I shouldn't be this worried, should I?"

She joined him on the edge of the bed, folding her hands across her lap. She hadn't expected him to rush straight to the point, leaving her with scrambled thoughts, trying to figure out a helpful response. After a slight pause, she shifted to face him further. "If you care for someone deeply then that's only normal. But how much you care for him… that's all down to you."

"I don't know where to start. I have no idea what we even _are."_

"… It might be more helpful if you explain what's gone on between you two because it's clear something has." Namine was trying to get him to say it – say exactly what he needed to say to Axel, exactly what he _felt_ for Axel.

"That night… the Christmas party. We kissed. But then… I don't know. He seemed off, like he was trying to avoid me… or afraid of hurting me." He lifted his head up slightly. "He thought that night, when I relapsed, was his fault. I thought he would've gotten over it but… clearly not."

Namine smiled, a knowing one. "Stop sitting in here, talking to me like some teenage girl. Tell him how you feel, and make sure he knows it too. He's probably filled with more doubt than you are."

"You know… I'm glad you're here to offer me advice, even if it is to help remind me things I already know. If you ever need anyone to do the same… I'd be more than willing." He grinned, hastily standing up and walking over to the door. "...Wish me luck."

"Hey, Roxas?" Namine swallowed, slowly becoming nervous. She twiddled her fingers around, wondering whether to just come out and say it...

"...Good luck. You deserve it."

Roxas grinned, exiting and leaving her alone in the desolate room.

She couldn't say it… not right now, anyway.

* * *

Axel was the next one to receive a knock at the door exactly ten minutes afterwards. Roxas would blame the delay on trying to find the room but the truth was he was just nervous, contemplating turning back multiple times before eventually knocking. He was just glad nobody had seen him pacing back and forth outside.

The redhead was hasty in opening the door, though he seemed surprised to see Roxas when he realised who it was. "What brings you here, _Roxas?"_

The blonde suppressed a shiver that threatened to run down his spine at the way Axel spoke his name, syllables rolling off the tongue.

"I came to talk to you."

"Oh did you now?" Axel teased, not moving from his place at the door. Rather he shifted to put his back against the doorframe, further blocking any way Roxas could have entered the room and have a private conversation.

He rolled his eyes. "Just let me in, dumbass."

"Well, there's the arrogant Roxas I remember!" He moved away, outstretching his hand. " _After you."_

"How polite." Roxas' clipped tone _must_ have made him come across as arrogant by the way his face fell when it was completely the opposite. It was no lie that he was nervous beyond belief, and Axel's cocky self didn't help.

"So, what did you want to talk to me about?" Axel shut the door behind him, leaning against it and crossing his arms. "Because if it's to give me another scolding-"

"Us. I want to talk about us." Roxas looked away from Axel's gaze, which seemed to grow more serious after that one word. _Us_.

"I'm listening."

"We always seem to be on completely different pages, crossroads, however you want to put it – and I know you may think that night, where I relapsed, was your fault, but-"

"Nope." Roxas was cut off by Axel uttering a single word, causing him to stop completely in his tracks, all coherent thoughts flying out the window.

"Huh?"

"Nope. I don't think it's my fault – not fully anyway. You've reassured that to me enough."

"Then… Why are you avoiding me?" Roxas mentally slapped himself as soon as the words left his lips for sounding so _whiny._ He really could have worded that better, rather than sounding like he was... _clingy._ Axel laughed heartily, only emphasising his point.

"So you haven't figured it out, at all?" Axel questioned, smirk gone. Roxas shook his head. "I want you to say it."

"Say _what_?"

"How you feel. Not just beat around the bush or kiss me. I want you to say exactly how you feel and exactly what you want. Not just follow along with what you _think_ you might want." Axel finished, turning his gaze away from the stunned Roxas. "Well?"

"I _like_ you. Is that what you want me to say?" Roxas could feel his natural defensiveness springing into play – yet he had a feeling it may work in his favour. "You want me to say that I've liked you this _whole_ time and was too blind to see it? That I fell for you even before I saw your face – you were the only thing keeping me sane in the hospital? And when I finally get out, how everything around me has changed, that I've lost a year and a half of my life, I finally find you again and… you're an _ass!_ A teasing, cocky, pompous _ass_. Yet… you were too stubborn to leave, and I was too stubborn to admit to myself I liked you. I tried to do _everything_ to get you out of my head… But I couldn't. And now, I realise I don't want to."

Their gazes locked and it seemed like an eternity before either of them spoke again, their bodies suddenly seeming a lot closer than before. Roxas was slightly out of breath from his confession, cheeks stained rosy pink. Axel bit his lip. "So, what is it you want?"

" _You."_

Their lips connected before Roxas could even distinguish what was happening, sensing the relief and hunger seeping through the other emotions that their intimacy created. Was it his relief or Axel's? He couldn't tell, though he didn't care, letting himself be lost in Axel instead, his eyes closing shut. The kiss was more passionate than their first one, though it was softer, more caring, and he decided there and then that kissing Axel was now at the top of his favourite things to do.

He let his arms wrap around Axel's neck, pulling him closer as he did so, an appreciative hum slipping through the taller man's throat. Axel responded by grabbing Roxas' waist and hoisting him upwards so he was straddling his waist, Roxas being the one taller one than Axel for once – which was strangely pleasurable for them both.

Roxas tilted his head, kiss deepening; Axel's hands were like magic, roaming on his hips, lower back, every touch like lightning against his skin. He could feel every breath that he took, their bodies flushed against each other, everything forgotten about apart from the two in their own idyllic world.

That was until a knock sounded against the door and Rikku shouted through the wooden frame that dinner was being served. They broke apart swiftly and clumsily, breaths heavy, Roxas noticing how Axel's gaze was heavy with lust and admiration.

"We should… wait a minute." Axel spoke quietly, his voice slightly deeper and huskier. Roxas silently agreed – it would only be suspicious if they exited together.

"So… does that mean I can call you my boyfriend now?" Axel grinned and Roxas couldn't help but grin back. Legs still wrapped around his waist he planted a light kiss on Axel's lips, pulling away a few seconds later.

"I guess it does." He smirked. "Though… can we keep it between us? Just for now?"

"If that's what you want then I'm more than happy to comply – _boyfriend."_

"...shut up and kiss me."

"I thought we have to go down for dinner? Though, I'm pretty certain on what _I'd_ rather eat..."

"Axel, I swear to God..."


	14. Rewrite

To anyone still reading this story - I honestly apologise for the lack of updates. It's been almost three years since I started this fanfiction and I'm a lot more behind than I thought I'd be. 

If you're still interested in reading this then I am currently rewriting this story which has come to be a mess in my eyes. I just needed to sit down and work out what worked and what didn't, fix the lazy direction I took it in and realise where I wanted to go. Starting this story when I was quite young and in my teenage prime means that my writing has largely improved since and I just wasn't happy anymore. Trying to write the parts which I wanted to write just wasn't working. I had no idea how to pace myself and some of the aspects I had dealt with was  _so_ badly written and out of character for anybody. 

I'm still not perfect and I have a way to go but starting again is the good option for this story. All I want is to be able to  _finally_ finish the fanfiction that's been in my head for years, and from where I got up to with  _Red,_ it's not close to finishing. 

If you're interested I've posted the first chapter of  _Touch._ I  _hope,_ for the people who have stuck with me so far, that you'll continue to do so. I appreciate all of you. 

with much gratitude, 

paopusky 


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